Another year wasted

[stephanie21]

Having a Anxiety attack!!!
An need to vent!
It's officially been 2 years I have been a completely different person
Who am I?
Why has anxiety changed me?
I want to be normal!
2 years have gone by an have been wasted!
I could have been being a better mom
Doing something with myself..
But no I feel like a person people talk an laugh at "the weird girl"
So many people in my family noticed I've changed an think I'm crazy!
NONE of my friends know what I go through
My social networks looks like I live a perfect life
But I don't! I opened up with a friend and she just made me feel horrible an even more crazy!
I've lost friends because I come up with LIES!
On why I can't see them
Like oh I'm busy with my son or oh my sons not feeling well
When really I'm not feeling well!
I have to pass out every minute of the day
Constantly shaking dizzy or have a full bladder
I'm all of a sudden scared to leave my home
I have to pee every second if I do
I feel nervous an trapped!
I tell myself I want to get better
But I'm really not doing anything to get better
Mainly because I'm a nervous scared wreck!
Is this going to go on another 2 or 10 years!
Am I going to miss out on doing fun things with my son!
Am I going crazy?
Who am I.. I'm so sad right now
Thinking about a million things that can happen to me in the next year!
All bad of coarse... bad things sound more believable than good things happening for me :(
Has anyone felt this way before
Will prescriptions really be my only help
Which I prob won't ever get the strength to take!
I feel so alone
No one I know understands how this feels
I just want to know who I'm looking at in the mirror everyday! It's not me! I want to be me again
A great mom again
The mom who did grocery shopping every other day the mom who can drive an take my baby fun places
the mom who loved going to the mall and spa by myself
The mom who was going back to school
I can't see myself doing any of that again
I've lost it
Can any moms out there relate?

[jessed03]

Very real post.

[Macy2014]

Having a Anxiety attack!!!
An need to vent!
It's officially been 2 years I have been a completely different person
Who am I?
Why has anxiety changed me?
I want to be normal!
2 years have gone by an have been wasted!
I could have been being a better mom
Doing something with myself..
But no I feel like a person people talk an laugh at "the weird girl"
So many people in my family noticed I've changed an think I'm crazy!
NONE of my friends know what I go through
My social networks looks like I live a perfect life
But I don't! I opened up with a friend and she just made me feel horrible an even more crazy!
I've lost friends because I come up with LIES!
On why I can't see them
Like oh I'm busy with my son or oh my sons not feeling well
When really I'm not feeling well!
I have to pass out every minute of the day
Constantly shaking dizzy or have a full bladder
I'm all of a sudden scared to leave my home
I have to pee every second if I do
I feel nervous an trapped!
I tell myself I want to get better
But I'm really not doing anything to get better
Mainly because I'm a nervous scared wreck!
Is this going to go on another 2 or 10 years!
Am I going to miss out on doing fun things with my son!
Am I going crazy?
Who am I.. I'm so sad right now
Thinking about a million things that can happen to me in the next year!
All bad of coarse... bad things sound more believable than good things happening for me :(
Has anyone felt this way before
Will prescriptions really be my only help
Which I prob won't ever get the strength to take!
I feel so alone
No one I know understands how this feels
I just want to know who I'm looking at in the mirror everyday! It's not me! I want to be me again
A great mom again
The mom who did grocery shopping every other day the mom who can drive an take my baby fun places
the mom who loved going to the mall and spa by myself
The mom who was going back to school
I can't see myself doing any of that again
I've lost it
Can any moms out there relate?

I am not a mum. But I totally get what you are going through, cause I am a total nervous wreck myself. At least you know you are not alone.

[stephanie21]

I am not a mum. But I totally get what you are going through, cause I am a total nervous wreck myself. At least you know you are not alone.

Thankyou
It's nice to be able to post what I'm going through an others relate.
Everyone in my life makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world with this problem

[Anne1221]

I didn't want to take medications either, but they totally changed my life for the better. They do help many people and your life could be so much better. You need to get some therapy and find out what's out there for you.

[Anne1221]

Stephanie, have you ever tried any medications to help? have you talked to anyone about the problems you have, even just
your medical doctor?

[stephanie21]

Stephanie, have you ever tried any medications to help? have you talked to anyone about the problems you have, even just your medical doctor?

Yes I have
2 years ago my dr prescribed me Paxil an Ativan
I was so scared to try it out because I tried a Valium for anxiety an my body freaked out on it an when I tried the Valium I wasn't scared to try medicine so that experience ruined it for me :(

I started therapy an the therapist was not good.
All they kept saying was medicine was the answer an it really scared me
I told her about my Valium experience an she said every med is different
I know that of coarse but after the Valium gave me that reaction Benadryl NyQuil Tylenol over the counter meds Started messing with me
My fear of medication really started messing with my head
So finally a year ago I tried the Ativan 1/2 the pill
I felt dead! Frozen in bed really high! No energy what so ever an I didn't like that feeling
I did freak out the first 20 min but was fine
But I don't want to feel like that everyday :(

I go back to my dr a few months ago an he prescribed me lexapro instead starting me off with 5mg
He made it clear that I need to try medication
He tested me for just about everything and I was fine no health scares.
It's just really scary to me
I feel like I need to check into a crazy hospital in order to take those kind of meds

I'm looking for a CBT
calling is the worst part
I'm scared of everything right now I feel trapped everywhere ago

Thankyou for replying by the way
Are you still taking medication?
Which ones have you tried..
I also know a side effect of some meds is suicidal thoughts
I'm terrified I'm going to wake up one day
Just wanting to kill myself
My fear is dying how can that be a side effect of medicine? I have a lot of issues
Sorry for the long post

[Anne1221]

I take Lexapro and I love it and it has helped a lot. 5 mg per day is a VERY LOW dose and so don't be afraid of that.
The Lexapro would help you so much and your life would be so much better. I was right where you are until I was so bad
I HAD to take medication. But it turned out to be the best thing ever because it helps me be more like other people without
so much anxiety and depression causing me so much distress. Please don't be afraid of 5 mg of Lexapro because it's not permanent.
You can always taper off and get off if you need to, but I think you will like it.

[Blessed]

Yes I have 2 years ago my dr prescribed me Paxil an Ativan I was so scared to try it out because I tried a Valium for anxiety an my body freaked out on it an when I tried the Valium I wasn't scared to try medicine so that experience ruined it for me :( I started therapy an the therapist was not good. All they kept saying was medicine was the answer an it really scared me I told her about my Valium experience an she said every med is different I know that of coarse but after the Valium gave me that reaction Benadryl NyQuil Tylenol over the counter meds Started messing with me My fear of medication really started messing with my head So finally a year ago I tried the Ativan 1/2 the pill I felt dead! Frozen in bed really high! No energy what so ever an I didn't like that feeling I did freak out the first 20 min but was fine But I don't want to feel like that everyday :( I go back to my dr a few months ago an he prescribed me lexapro instead starting me off with 5mg He made it clear that I need to try medication He tested me for just about everything and I was fine no health scares. It's just really scary to me I feel like I need to check into a crazy hospital in order to take those kind of meds I'm looking for a CBT calling is the worst part I'm scared of everything right now I feel trapped everywhere ago Thankyou for replying by the way Are you still taking medication? Which ones have you tried.. I also know a side effect of some meds is suicidal thoughts I'm terrified I'm going to wake up one day Just wanting to kill myself My fear is dying how can that be a side effect of medicine? I have a lot of issues Sorry for the long post Oh bless you Hun I know first hand what you are going through. The worry and fear, feeling anxiety is taking up all my time when I could be making memories with my kids and husband. Being scared to death of taking the most common medicines. My anxiety struggle has been three long years.... Time I have wasted in fear and worry and I can never get that precious time back. We must keep pressing on to beat the anxiety battle. My heart goes out to you!

[stephanie21]

Oh bless you Hun I know first hand what you are going through. The worry and fear, feeling anxiety is taking up all my time when I could be making memories with my kids and husband. Being scared to death of taking the most common medicines. My anxiety struggle has been three long years.... Time I have wasted in fear and worry and I can never get that precious time back. We must keep pressing on to beat the anxiety battle. My heart goes out to you!

Thankyou so much!
Yes we must keep pressing on to beat this :)
I struggle everyday but I know it will come to an end