Anxiety with the city

[asdfburgers]

Hello there, this is my first post on this forum. My name is Alexander, nice to meet you all.

(This is more of paranoia, but still a bit of anxiety involved. I didn't know where else to post this)

Here's what's happening:

In October I had to move because the expenses of the house weren't ideal and I couldn't afford it. It was a hard move and it a took a big toll on me. I was extremely anxious to move in, and I'm still as anxious just being here. I used to live in the country with a lot of land and distance, but I moved to the only affordable house I could find which is in the city. I have never lived in the city before. Everything is extremely close, and you can hear people talking in their own house while just standing on the front porch. I feel like I have no privacy anymore and I feel like I can't take it anymore. Everyday is a battle to remind myself to be extremely quiet because the walls are paper thin. Even in my sleep I'm uncomfortable. I was extremely attached to my last house, it felt like I lost a living part of my heart when I moved. I have dreams that I'm living back there, only to wake up to the grim reminder of living in this run down house and feeling like everyone can hear me. It's been really rough, and I've also gained a bit of depression because of it. It's getting to the point where I just want to break down and cry because everything is unstable at the moment.

I'm on medication (Resperidone - 1 milligram each day for anxiety and schizophrenia). I am seeing a therapist as well, but he isn't helping very much.

I'm saving up for a new house hopefully in mid November (back on a lot of land). I keep on telling myself "just a little longer" but every time I think about the situation I get very anxious and depressed. Sometimes I can't help but mourn over the memories I made at the old house, and my room being a safe haven where no one could see or hear me. I can't focus on my hobbies and work because of this.

Sorry if this is just a huge rant, I needed some place to vent this all out (it's too awkward to talk about this with my therapist).

How can I get past this?

[pjr378]

I hope you find what you're looking for. I grew up in a major city but my family moved to the suburbs when I was 18 and I also attended college in a rural area. I actually wanted to live in a city because of the arts, ability to meet people, better job market, etc. but I've found that city life is just not conducive to having anxiety at all. I live close enough to visit my family on weekends and there's a really noticeable difference in how I feel. Their house is located in a back road and it's so damn quiet that I often start falling asleep from the stillness inside and outside the house. Plus people tend to be a bit nicer in that area. The city is just full of noise and anger, I really don't get any peace. When I'm out in public, I'm afraid that if I have a panic attack people will just walk by and ignore me, thinking I'm on drugs or something.

I've wanted to move back but there's really no work up there.

[Anne1221]

If you give it time, you'll slowly get used to the new place and you'll still have your memories but it won't be so hard.
I hate the anxiety of moving but I find each time, somehow it works out. I wish you would talk to your therapist about it...
you think that's awkward. I call that a very normal part of life. If you can, pour yourself into those hobbies and interests
and in time it will get better.