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Robyn.J
04-02-2014, 04:30 PM
I'm Robyn.. a 34 year old woman with Social Anxiety. I'm agoraphobic to a degree, and also have general anxiety at times.

Maybe this belongs in the depression section? But.. I joined to find others who I can relate to. There have been so many disappointments in my life {relationships, achievements..} because of my anxiety. I "have" made improvements! However, it doesn't seem to be "enough".

When I meet new people... they like me initially, I wait a bit to tell them about my anxiety {so they can see "me" first}.. it seems like, after a while, if I'm not totally what they want {always happy/able to go out} they no longer care. Friends are suppose to care, and it isn't like I weigh them down with it.. it's just that I'm not "like them".

Lately I've been feeling a type of depression, where.. if my life is like this in another 10 yrs, it would make sense to me, to end my life. I don't feel I belong anywhere! Unwanted. Unimportant. I'm not even sure I know who I am anymore. I feel like a giant disappointment. If I go by "where I am" in my life, I am a disappointment. I'd like to have found someone and married, had kids, had a decent career. Guys like me.. but they get tired of my not being "how people typically are" socially.

Like I said, I made a lot of progress. Faced my biggest fear last Summer, of flying. I like it for the most part! Yet here I am, still with the anxiety.. still not "enough" for people. And if I ever am "enough", I feel angry at people for not being there when I needed the support. Know what I mean?

I'm just tired of this. Tired of feeling, and being treated.. like my issues "are" my life. I have a few people in my life who sincerely care.. but it hurts when you meet new people you really enjoy, and they don't care enough about you. I'm a good person! I don't understand what is so horrible about me or my anxiety that people can't accept me fully. Be there while I work things out. It's hard to trust people or myself anymore.

I'm sorry to drop this on you guys first thing, and I'm not expecting anyone to have "the answers"... I really needed to get this out to people who'll hopefully understand. Thank you for reading.

Ponder
04-02-2014, 04:40 PM
Not at all Robyn.

I don't even stray from my own thread much - however still wanted to say hi and welcome. I too did not know in what part of the forum to post - I did start off in the depression, but given I don't like people much, this place seems more me. But your right in highlighting that struggle with depression all the same. Seems they all work together quite well.

Just hang where you feel best. Sorry about all the boxes out there - they really suck, I know what you mean. I have to go out and mow the yard - that in itself is huge for me - given I know that tiredness well. hang in there - as there are some good and strong souls in here that are very supportive. They inspire me to get up on occasion and put out my own hand to help another. I hope you can find the same compassion and inspiration - please tell is as you see it as this place is good for that.

They just let you be who are are, so don't be afraid to just be yourself.

Welcome to the forum - thank you for what you shared and how you shared it -
I now pop back in my hole :)

Wishing you well.
Dave.

Robyn.J
04-04-2014, 11:45 AM
{My reply didn't go through? It may show up twice}

Thank you for the reply, Dave :) I appreciate it very much.

I have a few supportive people in my life. Where I live, there is one person nearby who reminds me daily of the negativity in the world. She's nosey, lies/gossips. I use to think as we age, we learn. These days it's as if we age, and {many} take the freedom to make their own rules. No manners etc.

I hope you were able to tackle the lawn without issue :)

I'll keep trying. It's scary at times when certain thoughts come to mind. I should probably clue my doctor in to what's going on {I like her, she's one of the supportive people}

Cullingford
04-04-2014, 12:54 PM
Hi Robyn really good to meet you. There are many of us here that don't fit into society norms also depression gives us a very negative view of ourselves, the feelings of worthlessness and uselessness etc. What you can feel on the inside is projected to others sadly.

I have met some very kind, caring and understanding people here and made some very good friends who are always supportive when I need support. Anyway it is really nice to meet you so keep posting as Dave says don't be afraid to be yourself and speak your mind.

Take care Cully

Ponder
04-07-2014, 03:40 AM
How are you feeling today or this evening Robyn. I hope the next time your out getting what you need, that you come across some people with manners and an encouraging smile. The genuine kind, not that service with a smile routine. Perhaps from just another shopper. You know how it is, when feeling tired and depressed - sometimes its not so bad, as we don't seem to rush when feeling so low - for me I tend to just plod along. Unfortunately I have to say - I see so many others like so in the state as well, and it does not help with so much negative energy getting about. Kind of why I don't like to go out - I know just how sad most people really are, when not playing or pretending - its so readable on their faces.

To b e fair though, I have to make some changed myself - as I've been riding so low for so long. I really caved in when my wife fell ill. I was so active even when fed up, before then. I have a few plans in place - my most immediate will be to address my fitness as soon as I get rid of the terrible scabies. Grrrrr ... Life seems very unfair to some of us - but I find remaining open as best I can and not putting people in a box helps my anger with past resentments and to focus on dealing with what matters now. Still practicing that one, with some help.


I am itching like crazy and always running behind - but the people in here like Cully said are a huge help. Pop by my crazy thread in this section any time - it's fairly active with a few of us sharing photos from all around the world.

I do hope this finds you well.
Dave :)

Gbn
04-07-2014, 06:40 PM
Hi Robyn. Nice to meet you.

I'm new on this forum. And actually what spurred me to register is that I am trying to get ready to tell my family and friends about my social anxiety. So far, only medical staff know about it. So first off, just so you know, I admire your courage to tell people about it. I am a 31 year old male and I still haven't had the courage to tell anyone.

It's very disturbing to hear how you have experienced people being unsupportive towards you. Even though I have never told anyone about my anxiety, I think the only right thing to do is to tell about it: you want to surround yourself with people who love the whole you, and not people who like you because they don't know about your anxiety. And you only get to filter the right ones out by telling about your anxiety.
Also, there is a chance that you will meet someone who will them say "me too!" or "since you've told that, I might as well tell you that I suffer from bipolar disorder!" and from that a great friendship could arise.
So I would say, in spite of your bad experiences, if you can, then stay strong and keep being honest about your anxiety. It takes courage to do so and is very admirable.

About feeling like a disappointment, I know what you mean. I too have never married, no kids, and because of my anxiety it's only a few years since I finally had the courage to go for the kind of career I want, which means my career is very much where a 24 year old could be. So, if you're a failure, I'm a failure. Which means at least we are two :)
But, instead of blaming myself, I blame the anxiety. Because that is what has hampered your life and my life. I also tell my self, that the things I have achieved, I have achieved in spite of my anxiety, which in a sense make them bigger. The people around us would not have fared better than us if they had suffered from anxiety. So no reason to blame yourself.
Regarding the bitterness towards the disease, I try to tell myself, that no matter how much I hate my anxiety there are people out there who have been dealt a far worse hand than I. That is not to say "stop being a cry-babe, there are people who are worse off", far from it. For me it just helps lessen the bitterness a little bit.

What you say about ending your life - Don't. Ever. Do. That. There is a way out, there is a way to happiness. I don't know much about your case. What kind of treatment have you tried?
Also, coming here to the forum to meet people to relate to seems to be a very wise thing.

Be well.