Intrusive thoughts - thankful its not just me

[muchosanxious]

I've read the thread on intrusive thoughts and also the list of symptoms of anxiety and I'm grateful its not just me.

Hello to everyone by the way.

I've had intrusive thoughts for a few months now, which all stemmed from depression and the feeling that everything was rubbish and nothing was going to get better. Then I started questioning my relationship for no reason. Its perfect, as far as perfect can go, he loves me and I love him and its the first time I've been in love so I'm still not sure how to handle things. But everything I did I started asking myself why I was doing it until I began analysing everything. Now every movement I make I ask if I'm doing this because I love my boyfriend or not. I panic at the thought of us splitting up, at the thought of me not loving him anymore, which sometimes I feel like I don't because all I can do is panic. I have to keep telling myself that these thoughts aren't real and my anxiety is taking over. I constantly focus on negative points and obssess about my anxiety. Then I think I'm never going to get better and then panic some more. I understand the feeling of 50,000 thoughts running around your head at once. Once an intrusive thought comes into my head I have to fight to rationalise it or to subdue it but they are so intense that its hard to do.

I feel completely unsettled in my relationship because I'm constantly waiting for either something bad to happen or for the anxiety to come on. I feel like I'm going round in circles, analysing the same things over and over and I get to the point where I'm sick of thinking about my boyfriend and then I get really ratty with him. Then I start to panic that we're going to have a bad relationship or that I don't love him because I'm snapping at him.

Its a vicious circle.

Help!!!!!

[scared748]

hi muchoanxious...im the one that started the intrusive thoughts thread and let me just start by saying after reading yours my situation seems ALOT like yours...ive had instrusive thoughts for the last few months as well...i feel that they came about because of my relationship...my boyfriends ex started calling and texting him which made my anxiety (that i had under control for a good amount of time) come back full force...my relationship is good as is yours and this is my first long relationship too so im not quite sure how to handle things either but ever since that happened everything i do i question it and i worry about the thoughts until im emotionally exhausted...constantly panicking that im not doing the right things or that something bad is going to happen or hes not going to want to be with me ...i focus on the negatives and have trouble believing the thoughts arent real but ive been told that thought are just thoughts and nothing more so i keep telling myself that over and over and as for us loving our boyfriends i feel that we are panicking because we DO love them and like you said the thought of losing them is unbearable...just keep reminding yourself that its not real and its just the anxiety causing bizarre thoughts...and this whole thing make me irritable so im always afraid of snapping at him to i try to hold it in as much as possible but it hatrd sometimes....hope this helps and know that you arent alone and im here to talk if you need too ...take care :)

[muchosanxious]

Thank you very much. It helps a lot.

I just hate the feeling of being totally unsettled in my relationship. I was content before anxiety set in and now I don't feel like I can sit and think about little things that we do because I'll either not feel anything because I'm emotionally drained at the moment, or I'm scared I won't feel anything or the bad thoughts will interact with the good. Other than that I start to feel really defensive and just want to tell him to go away. That makes me feel even worse.

I just sometimes feel like I'm not in a relationship at all. Its only recently that I've felt so unsettled. I've panicked about that many different things regarding my relationship though that I suppose this is just another phase I'm going through. I'm hoping so anyway.

[scared748]

I was content too before anxiety set in thats the frustrating part now i cant relax always analyzing the relationship like am i fun enough do we have good communication am i a good girlfriend etc and i am emotionally drained and im always afraid its going to show or affect the relationship...but i do know one thing it is a phase we just need to get the anxiety under control ive done it before and i know i can do it again just have to be patient...does your boyfriend know about your anxiety?

[muchosanxious]

Yeah he does. I couldn't go through all this and not tell him. Its been pretty bad for the past week so hes seen all the panic attacks I've had and stuff.

I settled pretty well for a couple of weeks until about a week ago when he jokingly asked me to marry him. Something he said made me think he was serious and I panicked. Then I spent a few days analysing why I was panicking. I'm supposed to love this person and all I can do is panick when he asks me that. Now I find the thought of marriage or kids or anything serious really overwhelming. I feel sometimes like the relationship is suffocating me but I know its just me that suffocating me by constantly analysing things. All I've done for the past few days is try and find a peaceful place within me where I can think about my boyfriend and not start to get panicky. I haven't found it yet and thats making me feel worse. I don't feel like we're ever going to get back on track.

[scared748]

you will get back on track dont worry you just need some time to control your anxiety...and in this state of anxiety your in marriage proposals(even if not serious) and having kids would scare you because so many unwanted things are going through your mind the negative is taking over so things like mariiage and kids dont seem appealing now but once you are able to focus more on the positive then thos things will start to look less scary and more exciting...thats great that your boyfriend knows about it and is ok with it i tried to tell my boyfriend but he just says he doesnt see it i guess im good at hiding it but i need him to know eventually before i cant hide it any longer...stay strong and keep telling yourself you can beat this that anxiety is not going to ruin your relationship/life etc if only i could take my own advice lol but im starting to im so emaotionally drained i dont want to live like this and i know its not going away unless we do something about it...