New here...Questions

[Abstrakt]

Okay here are my main issues.

I have trouble talking to people in general pretty much. If I go into a store I can't ask for help with anything and if the cashier attempts to make conversation I generally only can get out a few grunts.

I can't call and order a pizza over the phone. I go into panic mode just thinking about it.

I never talk to strangers and usually if they say something to me I get to flustered to reply.

Basically any kind of random unpredictable situation that invovles socializing I go to any extent to avoid.



Those are the major situations of my social disorders. I am generally very well spoken because I spend forever thinking out my words and rciting it in my head making sure I say things exactly right. Sometimes when I am at work I will start talking to someone and then i will notice they are staring at me(because I'm talking to them) but then I get all panicked and can't stop talking and when I listen to what I am saying I feel like I sound retarded and am rambling. Then I kinda find myself in a dream like state feeling retarded and not really knowing how the conversation went or if the person thinks I'm weird or crazy. Anyone else get that?

[joey9]

I used to have quite bad social phobia but I don't get it very badly any more. The main ways I got over were: 1) Realising that its much better to be boring than to be a gibbering blushing fool. The main problem with social phobia is that you put way too much pressure on yourself to come across to someone as witty, smart, interesting etc. But there are not many people who are naturally super confident and hilarious with people they have just met. So take the pressure off - your only goal when you meet new people should be to come across as a pleasant person. As you get to know them you can relax and be more yourself. Noone actually notices if someone is just 'normal' and doesn't crack a thousand jokes or tell really interesting anecdotes. Smile a lot, ask a couple of questions - that's it. People really aren't scrutising you as you think they are. 2) Practice. Find a reason to get out and make yourself have to talk to people. Make yourself make eye contact in shops. make yourself smile at the shopkeeper and say hello. I'm still not a big fan of eye contact with strangers but years of forcing myself to be a bit more outgoing have really helped. 3) Don't rely on alcohol - I used to have to drink to feel relaxed around people, even friends I had known a while, because I felt a huge pressure to be really funny and interesting. When I got pregnant I had to stop drinking and at first it was awful because I'd relied on it for so long. But I'm 5 years down the line now and having to stop drinking for so long (2 babies) forced me to cope without it and it means that I'm a lot better now. Also I have to small talk loads at work and with other mums so I would say practice is definately the key. The best thing you can do is set small targets that aren't too scarey and make yourself do them. I won't say I'm totally cured - I still get flustered if someone catches me by surprise but it's got to the point where I don't think about it anymore and that of course is the main problem with social phobics - over thinking.

[Abstrakt]

Thanks for replying it's good to get that reassurance from someone.
I feel like I get a ton of practice talking with different people. At work I am a software analyst so I'm working with teams of developers from many companies and about 20 employees under me. I seem to handle those situations great usually but I still have the same problems outside that environment.

I see a lot of people that have trouble talking to girls. I am super confident on that end. I seem to get my anxiety in the situations that aren't supposed to be akward more so than the ones that are. Can anyone relate to that.

I can walk up to a girl and just start talking and take it from there but I can't order a pizza...frustrating...

[joey9]

My husband sounds similar to you - When I first met him he came across as super confident, always the centre of attention bantering with anyone etc. However he simply can not deal with things like ringing up to order take away, ringing up the gas board to ask a question, ringing a plumber etc. He tries to get me to do it always, but if I make him do it he sounds like a completely different person on the phone to whoever - all flustered and bumbling. He also gets the same way if we are in a restaurant or a new airport or something. Yet I have also heard him on the phone to work colleagues and its a completely different story, totally knowledgeable and confident. I don't know what the root cause of it is - a lack of confidence coupled with a conditioned fear of committing a social faux pas I guess but who knows. He is gradually getting better with practice though.

[Abstrakt]

Yeah that sounds exactly like my issue. So good socially at times yet so bad at others. I think the anxiety of the bad interactions and the possibility of them happening again causes them to happen again.