Never felt so low

[Sassybot]

Came off the sleep meds yesterday so clearly that meant that I wasn't able to sleep at all.

Had a massive melt down this morning. Told my boyfriend that I didn't want to live and actually meant it. Was forced into going and getting my hair cut and nearly cried the whole way through.

Am exhausted but am scared to go to bed in case I wake up in the night again. The chest pains are getting worse even with the Propranolol.

I'm due back at work Thursday and am still tired and hurting. Don't see the Dr till Wednesday am so scared.

My boyfriend wants us to go to York tomorrow to get away from everything and I've agreed because everything has been about me recently but I'm sat here crying at the idea.

It feels like I've got no one to talk to. My mum is useless, my 'friends' are few and caught up in the world of online dating and I'm scared to offload any more on my bf

Life shouldn't be this way. It's my birthday on Sunday, I'm supposed to be excited about cake, not worrying because I've thrown up almost everything I've eaten today. Life isn't fair. I'm so tired

[forgiveandforget1995]

Hi there! Sorry about what your going through :( I know it's quite difficult but please try to remain strong and positive, I suffer through Depresion myself and have come close to suicide a few times, but I knew deep down I wasn't myself thinking this!.

To me it sounds like you're going through a bit of Depression, don't worry though, do you think you could try and book an appointment with a Therapist or a counselor? Try not to be scared, the doctors will try and help you the best they can, after all that's what they're there for.

I know Life can be stressful and difficult but you've just got to try and remain positive, I'm sure your boyfriend wouldn't want to see you sad! You may not realize it now, but deep down people do care, it's just that sometimes they don't know how to handle it when someone has a mental health condition. If they've never been through it then they wouldn't really understand.

Try and go out with your boyfriend on Sunday, Occupying yourself is a good thing because it clears your mind and it can get rid of negative thoughts :) I'm sorry you feel this way but try to understand that you're not alone. There are people who can help, if you ever feel like you need to talk to anyone, Feel free to message me or anyone else on the Forum. It's also nice to see another UK member on here :)

Wish you the best of luck :)

[NixonRulz]

Came off the sleep meds yesterday so clearly that meant that I wasn't able to sleep at all. Had a massive melt down this morning. Told my boyfriend that I didn't want to live and actually meant it. Was forced into going and getting my hair cut and nearly cried the whole way through. Am exhausted but am scared to go to bed in case I wake up in the night again. The chest pains are getting worse even with the Propranolol. I'm due back at work Thursday and am still tired and hurting. Don't see the Dr till Wednesday am so scared. My boyfriend wants us to go to York tomorrow to get away from everything and I've agreed because everything has been about me recently but I'm sat here crying at the idea. It feels like I've got no one to talk to. My mum is useless, my 'friends' are few and caught up in the world of online dating and I'm scared to offload any more on my bf Life shouldn't be this way. It's my birthday on Sunday, I'm supposed to be excited about cake, not worrying because I've thrown up almost everything I've eaten today. Life isn't fair. I'm so tired

Happy early birthday.

Go out and have a few drinks and have fun for your big day

Best offense against anxiety is to just keep doing what you would do without it

False fear is the enemy. Remember that you don't fear any of this stuff when you are relaxed and calm

Anxiety causes the mind to think stupid things

You're stronger than it is

Start living

[Sassybot]

Thanks guys. Sorry for the delay in my response. Have been really up and down and hate it. I kept getting this urge to just not exist. Not to hurt or kill myself, just to vanish and for everything to be gone. So selfish of me.

Bf dragged me to York on Saturday. Had a really good day until I realised how my moods have been taking their toll on him. Now I feel worse and am worried he'll leave me if I can't get it together.
Birthday was nice. Bf bought me my very own pole! Have been playing on that pretty much constantly since Sunday so I guess that's why I'm sleeping a bit better.

Went to the Dr today. She's put me on Sertaline 50mg for 6 months. I really didn't want meds but she talked me around. With talking therapies (still dont overly know what they are) it could take a year to feel a bit brighter. Meds aren't a quick fix but I should be able to start functioning a bit better which in turn will brighten my moods.

Felt really frustrated coming out the Dr's though. I txt my mum and all I've had back was 'which meds?' no 'how are you? you ok?' or anything. I'm starting to really loose my rag with her. On my birthday she just didn't seem to care. I was trying to open my cards and she was shoving a letter about her house move under my nose. I'm excited for her but would it really kill her to let me have a moment? BAH!

Anyway, waiting for a call back about therapy. Am quite excited about it really. My poor bf is the only person I feel like I can talk to so it must be hurting him. I'm just trying to hold it otgether until I can talk to a professional. I know things between me and him will be easier once I have someone else to moan at :P