a little poem about my experience

[ashley4499]

First of all, here's a bit of background info: I'm 20 years old & I'm struggling with a severe generalized anxiety & panic disorder. I've been counting on my "loved ones" for support & as a result, have been told that I depend way too much on other people. It's really frustrating because "loved ones" are supposed to be there for you in times of need. Anyway...I guess this poem just sums up my feelings about my experience.

Just Wait and See

They say what doesn't kill you
Will only make you stronger
Well, I'm strong enough now
I can't take it very much longer
I'm losing myself
Losing my ground
Trying to cut these restraints
That keep me bound
I'm screaming inside
Does anyone hear me crying?
I'm losing my breath
I'm too young to fear that I'm dieing
My tear soaked hand is left reaching
Reaching for a hand to hold
Didn't realize I was too dependent
At least that's what I'm told
And so here I am alone
Standing in the middle of this storm
It doesn't seem to have calmed
Guess I'll just have to conform
It could be worse
Yet I'm still alive
Still hanging on
I know I'll survive
Can't say I'm grateful for this
And I may have to do it all on my own
But I'm discovering things
That would have, otherwise, remained unknown
So I'll try to be positive
I'll still cry if I need to
But just wait and see
I can do it, I'll prove it to you

Let me know what you think! :)

[LAnn]

That was AMAZING!!! Honestly!!! I can really relate to every word, as I am sure most of us here will too. Do you write a lot? I find a lot of comfort in writing. Have you showed this to your loved ones? I hope you are having a good day!

[ashley4499]

That was AMAZING!!! Honestly!!! I can really relate to every word, as I am sure most of us here will too. Do you write a lot? I find a lot of comfort in writing. Have you showed this to your loved ones? I hope you are having a good day!

Thank you so much! I don't write, but I felt the urge to last night suddenly. My fiance is getting really stressed out to the point that he's tried leaving me several times...all because of my anxiety...so I feel like I can't talk to him about any of it because I fear he'll leave me. I guess it felt good to just write it down & get all out & not bottle it inside of me. I actually did send it to my "loved ones". I doubt they will get anything out of it...my fiance read it & said "That's good." Nothing more.

[LAnn]

If thats the first thing you ever wrote, i think your on the verge of experiencing some real talent .. i understand being the cause of a lot of frustration .. i see it in my boyfriends and familys responses to my anxiety .. i think at the end of the day tho they realize that i just want assurance and so they live with it .. but it makes me feel like they are annoyed and fed up .. i guess thats part of the anxiety .. my advice to you would be to not keep things bottled up, keep coming on this site and feel free to email me whenever you feel the need to talk or rant. Hope you are well!

[ashley4499]

If thats the first thing you ever wrote, i think your on the verge of experiencing some real talent .. i understand being the cause of a lot of frustration .. i see it in my boyfriends and familys responses to my anxiety .. i think at the end of the day tho they realize that i just want assurance and so they live with it .. but it makes me feel like they are annoyed and fed up .. i guess thats part of the anxiety .. my advice to you would be to not keep things bottled up, keep coming on this site and feel free to email me whenever you feel the need to talk or rant. Hope you are well!

Wow! Thank you so much! I really enjoy it actually so I will probably continue doing it. I will definitely email you sometime if I need someone to talk to! Thank you! I really do appreciate it!

[MissCKC]

Hey ashley,
That was as awesome poem! It sounds like we might have a lot in common. I am also 20 years old and engaged. At times I feel like I have become a burden to my fiance too... so I can understand where you are coming from with that. It seems like you need to keep up the writing. I haven't written any poems but I try to write in a diary everyday to help blow off some steam. It really helps to write out all of your frustrations. Hope your day has been going well! :D

[chanel07]

Truly a beautiful poem!

[ashley4499]

Thank you guys! It really means a lot to me that other people can relate to this. Well, I am no longer engaged...I guess he finally got tired of it today & ended it.

[jinul1m64]

I totally understand where you're coming from as far as support from "loved ones" go. I'm 19...turning 20 soon. No one really seems to realize how severe anxiety and panic disorders really are. I would say continue expressing your feelings and thoughts through poems if it helps you. You really do have talent.

[ashley4499]

Thank you jinul1m64! Yes, it seems like no one truly understands how it really feels to me too! It frustrates me so much because people expect us to go back to living a normal life, but our lives are NOT normal anymore...it's something that takes time & effort to get over. I would never wish this upon anyone else, but I just wish they could understand what I'm really going through & how truly miserable & depressed I am. There's just no getting through to them though!

[ButterflyGirl82]

Great poem...Here is one I wrote about my experience

This is the biggest battle there is
I said this is the biggest battle there is
So leave the guns and grenades
No weapons necessary
cause here you're your own gun

It hit me like a ton of molten rocks
I said it will hit you like a ton of molten rocks
Soon you will see the mess in front of you
that hopes to wither you through
And you'll look back in attack
to see the person you were standing there in stance, the fog is thick &
you will try to fight to get you back , but it won't let you.

Now you'll stand in front of a mirror
Hoping you'll see a little clearer
All you'll see is what's left of that
person you used to be
the scars and aches of that battle you face

You'll sink and you'll sulk when their isn't a weapon you can use
to get back in command of you
This is the greatest battle , the battle of the body going wrong on you

Now look on over that hill, the horizon is right there still, pretty soon you'll find the strength to get on the other side.