New, hello

[samanthaistired]

Hi everyone! My name is Samantha. I'm new to the forums here. I'm impressed with how popular this seems to be. And thankful.
I've had generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and ptsd for the last year and a half. As my username says... I'm tired. It has been a long road and I often feel like I can't take anymore. I'm usually pretty confident that I am slowly deteriorating actually And that all my fears of death are coming true because of the stress I have put on my body the last year and a half. And I'm tired.
Last night was one of those night where I had a panic attack and thought I was just going to lose it forever. So I found this site and read some posts until 4 or so when I felt a little better and could sleep.
I really look forward to getting to know all of you and would love to hear your stories too!

[jessed03]

Hey Sam!

Yeah, people visit here frequently, which is cool. Means there's always somebody on hand to chat to, or answer a question. You see many of the same faces too after a while, which is nice.

A little about me; I'd had an anxiety disorder since about 16. My first panic attack at 20. A few years ago now! :)

I was helped a lot by drugs, meditation and CBT.

Do you take/do any of them yourself?

[NixonRulz]

Hi everyone! My name is Samantha. I'm new to the forums here. I'm impressed with how popular this seems to be. And thankful. I've had generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and ptsd for the last year and a half. As my username says... I'm tired. It has been a long road and I often feel like I can't take anymore. I'm usually pretty confident that I am slowly deteriorating actually And that all my fears of death are coming true because of the stress I have put on my body the last year and a half. And I'm tired. Last night was one of those night where I had a panic attack and thought I was just going to lose it forever. So I found this site and read some posts until 4 or so when I felt a little better and could sleep. I really look forward to getting to know all of you and would love to hear your stories too!

Hi, Samantha. I like that name. Don't believe I know anyone by that name until now

There was a girl named Sam on ICarly but you probably don't care much about the antics of Sam, Carly and Freddy

Welcome to the group

Glad to hear that some of the posts helped you sleep last night

Read a bunch and post and it will help you bunches

[needtogetwell]

Hi Samantha,

You've met a couple of the "regulars" around here. Fantastic people they are, as are many others.

I've dealt with anxiety and depression for the better part of 20 years. Started when I got married 20 years ago and I suffered miserably for the next 14. 6 yrs ago I ditched the husband and started the best road to recovery ever! Been med free for 18 months and life is terrific!

I do remember all too well what it's like to be where you are, that's why I'm here to help others, and be helped when the anxiety monster does raise it's ugly head. And it does from time to time. I've just learned how to deal with it well.

I offer you my help whenever you need it, just read as you have done and ask questions. I will reply when I can offer something useful!

Again welcome, there are really good people here who understand and can help!

Cheers,
Pam

[Hannah_28]

This forum really does help and the members are awesome people, you've come to the right place. Anything that u post however 'crazy' we all understand and will try to help.. Were all in it together 😊

[samanthaistired]

Hey Sam!

Yeah, people visit here frequently, which is cool. Means there's always somebody on hand to chat to, or answer a question. You see many of the same faces too after a while, which is nice.

A little about me; I'd had an anxiety disorder since about 16. My first panic attack at 20. A few years ago now! :)

I was helped a lot by drugs, meditation and CBT.

Do you take/do any of them yourself?

Thanks for responding! (: it sounds like you've been around the block. Did it all come on out of the blue for you?

I have been on meds in the past and keep around ativan for just in case moments. I am currently on a gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, Caffeine free diet and seeing a therapist. Fun times for everyone. ;) The meds helped some (I was on lexapro) but it also made me really fatigued all of the time and I gained a lot of weight so I went off them. I do acceptance therapy with my therapist. It is helpful too.

I want to try more meditation. Do you do anything specific? (:

[samanthaistired]

Nixonrulz,
Hi! I actually love iCarly. (: Though Sam sometimes annoyed me with some of her antics haha. I haven't watched it in awhile. Do you know if Carly and Freddy ever got together? (:
Thank you for the welcome!

[NixonRulz]

Nixonrulz, Hi! I actually love iCarly. (: Though Sam sometimes annoyed me with some of her antics haha. I haven't watched it in awhile. Do you know if Carly and Freddy ever got together? (: Thank you for the welcome!

As embarrassed as I am to say this, I have the answer

They did not get together at the end

[samanthaistired]

Thank you Pam so much for your reply. One of my favorite aunties is Aunt Pam. :) Do you mind telling me more about being married and your anxiety rearing its ugly head? I am about to get married and my fiance is NOTHING but helpful AND supportive but sometimes I wonder if the relationships hurts my anxiety as well as maybe helps. Just random wondering.
I'm so glad the last six years have been more hopeful. I'd just so love to hear more of your story if you don't mind sharing!

[samanthaistired]

As embarrassed as I am to say this, I have the answer

They did not get together at the end

Ahh!! No way. :( I am so sad. I really wanted them to work out. Haha. Now I want to watch it. Was there other people for them?

[NixonRulz]

Ahh!! No way. :( I am so sad. I really wanted them to work out. Haha. Now I want to watch it. Was there other people for them?

No. They just went off on their own.

Freddy was out of Cary's league

My reputation here is quickly going to hell

[NeverToo...Fear]

^ Hey, I'm not judging, but just exactly how bored/curious were you to get into iCarly?? :P


Hi Sam, it's nice to meet you.. Your picture is sideways! Oh, that's alright though.. I know anxiety can make us feel sideways at times :/

I'm just joking a little bit with you^^ I think it's really great you signed up here! Lot's of great people and support! I've had anxiety on and off since I was in my teens. Last six months is has turned into some bad health anxiety which I'm recovering from. I was always a worrying kind of kid growing up.

[NixonRulz]

^ Hey, I'm not judging, but just exactly how bored/curious were you to get into iCarly?? :P Hi Sam, it's nice to meet you.. Your picture is sideways! Oh, that's alright though.. I know anxiety can make us feel sideways at times :/ I'm just joking a little bit with you^^ I think it's really great you signed up here! Lot's of great people and support! I've had anxiety on and off since I was in my teens. Last six months is has turned into some bad health anxiety which I'm recovering from. I was always a worrying kind of kid growing up.

I seem to somehow start watching shows that my kids watch......and enjoy them

Oh, God

[needtogetwell]

Thank you Pam so much for your reply. One of my favorite aunties is Aunt Pam. :) Do you mind telling me more about being married and your anxiety rearing its ugly head? I am about to get married and my fiance is NOTHING but helpful AND supportive but sometimes I wonder if the relationships hurts my anxiety as well as maybe helps. Just random wondering. I'm so glad the last six years have been more hopeful. I'd just so love to hear more of your story if you don't mind sharing!

Hi Sam,

No I don't mind sharing.... I got married for the wrong reasons. My Ex and I were good friends, and probably never should have taken it to the next level. There was never the spark and intense passion that I needed. As it turned out he really wasn't that driven to make anything of himself, very low self esteem. I on the other hand was very driven, and tried to do enough for both of us.

2years in I wanted to jump in front of a train I was so fed up with my life. I worked 70 hours a week while he cut a few lawns and drank beer. No, he is not an alcoholic, and he was never abusive to me in any way. There was the start of antidepressants and therapy. I should have ended the marriage there. I didn't. I gave in to him and once again buried myself in work.

The next 3 years were a blur. At married for 5years I was pregnant with my son. 2 years later my son was diagnosed as being autistic. Complete focus was on the well being of my son.

All the pressure of being the primary bread winner for the family, and the mother of an autistic child took it's toll. There was nothing left for me or of me. Sometimes things happen for the right reasons, I got downsized out of a very good paying job, golden hand shake, which allowed me to focus on my priorities, that being my son.

Anyway, one day in June of 2008 I was away at my family's cottage with my father and my son, I woke up one day and realized that I didn't need the husband any more. I had recently asked my husband how he thought he was going to survive when he got older. The answer I got was " I'm going to live off your inheritance". That was that, living in a state of perpetual panic , anxiety and depression was about to end.

Within a year of ending my marriage I fell madly in love with my current husband. This relationship is what I always dreamed of having! 5+ years later I still get those butterflies in my stomach when I see him. He is my Prince Charming and he treats me like a princess! A dream come true.

18 months ago after 6 months of excruciating pain from a back injury and months of rehab and therapy, I decided that it was time to get rid of the antidepressants. It was a long slow process weaning off them, then retraining my brain. Now I keep a little bit of Valium for the odd panic attack I have, but all together my life is so different now than it was years ago!

My next big thing to tackle is quitting smoking! I'll get there. I still have episodes of severe anxiety but I have learned to manage it. The gang here welcomed me with open arms when I was having a tough time a little while ago, and I never left.

So there you have it. Pam in a nut shell.

[needtogetwell]

I seem to somehow start watching shows that my kids watch......and enjoy them Oh, God

I hear you on that one Nixon, how on earth does a 48 yr old enjoy Glee and Gossip Girl???

Oh God is right!! Lol. :)

[samanthaistired]

^ Hey, I'm not judging, but just exactly how bored/curious were you to get into iCarly?? :P

Hi Sam, it's nice to meet you.. Your picture is sideways! Oh, that's alright though.. I know anxiety can make us feel sideways at times :/

I'm just joking a little bit with you^^ I think it's really great you signed up here! Lot's of great people and support! I've had anxiety on and off since I was in my teens. Last six months is has turned into some bad health anxiety which I'm recovering from. I was always a worrying kind of kid growing up.

Haha!! Thanks for your reply never! Oh my goodness. Anxiety does make us sideways. I tried adding two different pictures from my phone and they are both sideways... I don't get it. But soon I'll get on my laptop and try to add one that way.

I have bad health anxiety too! It started for a semi-legit reason and then snowballed. What have you done to help yourself out with that? Sometimes I feel like going up to people and ask them how they DON'T worry about having a terrible illness that's going to kill them. Because I worry about it a lot. Oh life.

[samanthaistired]

Hi Sam,

No I don't mind sharing.... I got married for the wrong reasons. My Ex and I were good friends, and probably never should have taken it to the next level. There was never the spark and intense passion that I needed. As it turned out he really wasn't that driven to make anything of himself, very low self esteem. I on the other hand was very driven, and tried to do enough for both of us.

2years in I wanted to jump in front of a train I was so fed up with my life. I worked 70 hours a week while he cut a few lawns and drank beer. No, he is not an alcoholic, and he was never abusive to me in any way. There was the start of antidepressants and therapy. I should have ended the marriage there. I didn't. I gave in to him and once again buried myself in work.

The next 3 years were a blur. At married for 5years I was pregnant with my son. 2 years later my son was diagnosed as being autistic. Complete focus was on the well being of my son.

All the pressure of being the primary bread winner for the family, and the mother of an autistic child took it's toll. There was nothing left for me or of me. Sometimes things happen for the right reasons, I got downsized out of a very good paying job, golden hand shake, which allowed me to focus on my priorities, that being my son.

Anyway, one day in June of 2008 I was away at my family's cottage with my father and my son, I woke up one day and realized that I didn't need the husband any more. I had recently asked my husband how he thought he was going to survive when he got older. The answer I got was " I'm going to live off your inheritance". That was that, living in a state of perpetual panic , anxiety and depression was about to end.

Within a year of ending my marriage I fell madly in love with my current husband. This relationship is what I always dreamed of having! 5+ years later I still get those butterflies in my stomach when I see him. He is my Prince Charming and he treats me like a princess! A dream come true.

18 months ago after 6 months of excruciating pain from a back injury and months of rehab and therapy, I decided that it was time to get rid of the antidepressants. It was a long slow process weaning off them, then retraining my brain. Now I keep a little bit of Valium for the odd panic attack I have, but all together my life is so different now than it was years ago!

My next big thing to tackle is quitting smoking! I'll get there. I still have episodes of severe anxiety but I have learned to manage it. The gang here welcomed me with open arms when I was having a tough time a little while ago, and I never left.

So there you have it. Pam in a nut shell.

Pam,
I so appreciate you being so willing to share. It gives me food for thought. I think actually marriage in general scares me. Not my fiance. It just is such a huge commitment. And I feel so young. Probably because of a few bad things that have happened to me in the last year. It has made me resort a little bit to a mentality that I'm too young for a lot of things even though it's not true at all. (I think sexual harassment does that to people sometimes.)

I'm also really glad things are way better with your current husband. Can I ask how he helps you with your battle against anxiety? That's something Jacob and I often go back and forth on... what are actually helpful ways he can help and how do we not let Anxiety and Panic Attacks become our whole world. So any tips would be awesome.

That goes for everyone in fact. How do we do relationships?! Seems hard sometimes.

I'm so impressed with your determination, love, devotion and strength Pam. You are a fighter and I am glad your son and husband have such a strong woman like you around in their lives. :) You so will kick smoking! My mom was a smoker for over 30 years and she quit. It was amazing to see her strength in that. Smoking is crazy addictive!! She did it a little bit at a time. And had help from online forums. (: gotta love these places!!

[Dahila]

Samantha, welcome to the forum, it is nice name, my daughter in low is Samantha too, :)))

[samanthaistired]

Samantha, welcome to the forum, it is nice name, my daughter in low is Samantha too, :)))

Ah thank you so much Dahlia! I hope that your daughter in law is lovely. :) we Samantha's gotta represent the name. ;)

Appreciate the welcome!

[Protus]

Hey samantha,

Glad that things here seem to help, makes you realize that your not the only person on the planet having issues. I know how you feel, I have been dealing with anxiety from a car accident that happened 11 months ago. I use to think I was the only person with these problems till I found this forum yesterday (3/26/2014, my moms birthday). My name is really Samuel but I go by Sam, and I am glad that you found this forum to help you work through your issues. if we can all take a piece of what works from others here we all might be able to cure ourselves. good luck and hope you feel better emotionally.

[Hannah_28]

*anxiety forum triggering your anxiety as you're the only member who's post was ignored* ironic.

[samanthaistired]

*anxiety forum triggering your anxiety as you're the only member who's post was ignored* ironic.

Oh Hannah! I'm sorry. Your post on my phone (don't know if it's the app or what) is blank. So since I'm new here I just assumed you had accidentally posted nothing. On the first page of posts (again phone app) it shows your name and then a blank space underneath.

I so am not ignoring you. Now I'm having anxiety for giving you anxiety!!! Eeek! Whatever it is you said I'm sure I would thank you for it!!

[NeverToo...Fear]

Haha!! Thanks for your reply never! Oh my goodness. Anxiety does make us sideways. I tried adding two different pictures from my phone and they are both sideways... I don't get it. But soon I'll get on my laptop and try to add one that way.

I have bad health anxiety too! It started for a semi-legit reason and then snowballed. What have you done to help yourself out with that? Sometimes I feel like going up to people and ask them how they DON'T worry about having a terrible illness that's going to kill them. Because I worry about it a lot. Oh life.

Ah, the pic is fixed! ..now if only fixing anxiety was that easy ;)

This forum has really helped with that actually. In reading lots of great advice and putting it into practice, it has put me in a better, stronger mindset. To not try and rationalize every pain, but more or less be accepting.. But believe me, it takes a lot of practice/determination to not react to every twinge, lol. Mind over matter they say; ah, but what about when the mind is the matter! ..Oh life indeed. :)

[needtogetwell]

Pam, I so appreciate you being so willing to share. It gives me food for thought. I think actually marriage in general scares me. Not my fiance. It just is such a huge commitment. And I feel so young. Probably because of a few bad things that have happened to me in the last year. It has made me resort a little bit to a mentality that I'm too young for a lot of things even though it's not true at all. (I think sexual harassment does that to people sometimes.) I'm also really glad things are way better with your current husband. Can I ask how he helps you with your battle against anxiety? That's something Jacob and I often go back and forth on... what are actually helpful ways he can help and how do we not let Anxiety and Panic Attacks become our whole world. So any tips would be awesome. That goes for everyone in fact. How do we do relationships?! Seems hard sometimes. I'm so impressed with your tdetermination, love, devotion and strength Pam. You are a fighter and I am glad your son and husband have such a strong woman like you around in their lives. :) You so will kick smoking! My mom was a smoker for over 30 years and she quit. It was amazing to see her strength in that. Smoking is crazy addictive!! She did it a little bit at a time. And had help from online forums. (: gotta love these places!!

Hi again Samantha,
What does my husband do to help me you ask

Mostly he just lets me go and deal with it using the strategies that work for me. Sometimes its a comforting hug or cuddle. Sometimes it's a kick in the ass! He reminds me that it is 99% in my head and I can stop it. And I can, most of the time.

Most of all he is never judgemental! He loves me anxiety and irrational thoughts and all! He has learned to help me refocus on what is important and that helps the most.

Cheers
Pam

[Hannah_28]

My app has been playing up all day it won't let me post or reply.

[NixonRulz]

My app has been playing up all day it won't let me post or reply.

Getting banned sucks, doesn't it?

LOL

[Hannah_28]

Don't think I've been banned.