Not feeling like myself?

[Michael33]

Hi guys,,

I've been having bad Pure O for about 3 months now, it seems to have gone away more or less. I know how to manage it really well, it doesn't bother me at all anymore.

For some reason though, something still feels off. I always thought that once I get rid of all these thoughts and stuff everything will go away. The thoughts are gone, I don't feel anxious at all, I just feel weird.. Sort of out of it, and just like not my old self. Does anyone know if this will go away? Sometimes it does go away, I feel great as well. I'm not sure if it's a little bit of derealization or what it could be, finding it hard to explain the exact feeling.

[anxietycat]

Hi guys,,

I've been having bad Pure O for about 3 months now, it seems to have gone away more or less. I know how to manage it really well, it doesn't bother me at all anymore.

For some reason though, something still feels off. I always thought that once I get rid of all these thoughts and stuff everything will go away. The thoughts are gone, I don't feel anxious at all, I just feel weird.. Sort of out of it, and just like not my old self. Does anyone know if this will go away? Sometimes it does go away, I feel great as well. I'm not sure if it's a little bit of derealization or what it could be, finding it hard to explain the exact feeling.

I feel out of it a lot too- I think it's common when you're on SSRI's. You started taking one recently, right?

[Michael33]

Yes, Cipralex. But the feeling was even worse before I went on the medication, it's been very persistent and fades on and off through out the day. When I'm having fun/keeping busy its usually gone completely. For some reason, I'm always compelled to remember the feeling when it's temporarily gone, and then boom it comes back. Really strange.

[jessed03]

Hey Mikey!

You're not doing too badly. It's virtually impossible to feel that for yourself when you go through this whole anxiety/pure O thing, but you are. I remember when my psych told me I was improving, and I was gonna be fine, I kept thinking, nah, no way, she's just saying that. You're usually one of the last to know you're getting better, strangely enough, as all of that adrenaline stays around for a long time, and makes you feel strange. But I'm pretty happy with where you're heading. If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't be feeling too badly.

Just to answer your pure O question you messaged me; (I get a tonne and they all require long answers, so I'm sometimes slow getting back) - yeah, pure O will try and attach itself to different things. It's like a weed. Often you see people luck out of one obsession, then fall right into another as they hadn't learnt to cope with their condition. Or some may develop several. You caught it in time though, you're lucky.

You just keep treating them the same though. Pure O is the condition, the obsession is just the symptom, so don't change the treatment even though a new obsession/symptom may seem weird and scary.

You say you don't always feel yourself, I think we can all say that at one point or another on here. There's no way around it, your nervous system has to go back to normal. It's on red alert right now, that's evident by the DP/DR. That's a symptom that demonstrates incredibly high nervous system arousal. The nerves in your body are getting some pretty confusing messages from the brain, and there's some pretty excessive hormonal stuff going on inside you, even if you feel great mentally, it takes a while to return to normal.

Most people with anxiety say I don't feel like myself, I feel weird, or, I don't feel like ME.

That's because of the excessive tension in their body, and their nerve receptors being on high alert. These things cause excess adrenaline, and drain serotonin supplies.

The best way to think of yourself is like a city preparing for war.

Look at Ukraine right now. I don't know if you're following the Crimea stuff. In Ukraine right now, there are soldiers with guns on the streets, there are protestors, police out, there are riots.

Everybody is on high alert, everybody is anticipating danger or a fight of some kind.

Because of these things, people are saying - 'This doesn't feel like my city any more, this doesn't feel like home' - and it's true, things have changed for them.

Your body is the same way right now. Your nerves are metaphorically carrying guns, preparing for a battle. Your hormones are metaphorically acting like an army, taking over your body.

It's alien.

This is fight or flight.

But it will return to normal. When you manage to convince your mind there is no war, no danger. It goes.

And you seem to be doing that well.

Then your nerves, your brain structure, and your hormone and chemical profile will become more normalized.

Takes time, but it's a natural process.

Meditation can speed up the process of healing.

Cat above has just started learning, maybe she can help. Cat?

[anxietycat]

Cat above has just started learning, maybe she can help. Cat?

Cat is in no state to help people today- I was at the grocery talking to someone and got a bad case of depersonalization where I felt like I was not in fact real. Anyone ever have that? Totally bizarro.

[jessed03]

Cat is in no state to help people today- I was at the grocery talking to someone and got a bad case of depersonalization where I felt like I was not in fact real. Anyone ever have that? Totally bizarro.

Ah, that sucks Cat. DP is a bitch.

Why don't you lie on the rug and relax, and get someone to brush you? You always enjoy that. This is cat meditation

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmn96g4Pq61qg20muo1_500.gif

[anxietycat]

Ah, that sucks Cat. DP is a bitch. Why don't you lie on the rug and relax, and get someone to brush you? You always enjoy that. This is cat meditation

That sounds purrrrrfect! No more hissing today!

[jessed03]

http://faculty.weber.edu/molpin/healthclasses/1110/meditationguidelines.htm

Here's a link to learn to meditate Michael. It's the type that me and Cat do, and others, I'm sure. It's a good kind of OCD. If you don't already do it, give it a go. Very healing.

And the easiest thing in the world to do, also. No levitating with legs crossed summoning spirits, I promise :)

P.s. White text on dark background is a design sin, worthy of lifetime internet ban, but hey, easiest link I could find explaining it!

[Michael33]

I am literally doing so well right now, I've never been so happy - I never thought I'd be able to get to this point seriously. You literally just need to be very strong.

Jessed, those 4 stages you mentioned in my other thread, they are exactly spot on as to what I've went through. I think I'm very close to stage 4.
Weird feeling has been completely gone for a full 24 hours now - that's the most relief from that feeling I've gotten in the last two months. I laugh about my Pure O now, ironically.
There's always the occasional, "damn it, what if it comes back though?" but I don't care, I know how to fight it now and I remember what it feels like to be normal now, so I'll be even stronger knowing that it's just the condition and not me.

In fact, my life is probably even better than before I got any anxiety at all. I'm much more active, my diet is 1000x better, I've been so much more optimistic and a completely new and positive outlook on life. Cut down my cigarette smoking from 6-7 a day to maybe one or two, on the occasional day maybe 3.

I think a huge part in helping me get much better was to not give attention to negativity surrounding OCD/anxiety, and just believe what I want to. So many people and websites say it can't be cured, or this and that. If it cant be cured that's fine, because as I am now, with the odd intrusive thought that doesn't even bother me anymore, I can live just as well as I used to. I just can't wait to get back to university now and everything else I was involved with before all this. When I got my anxiety, I decided that when I go back to university I won't plan on becoming a psychologist anymore because I was scared to deal with anything to do with this. Now I feel compelled to help anyone who is going through it, it's almost like having Pure O made me realize where even my future job could be.

I believe you have to confront all your fears to get rid of Pure O, or anxiety in general. I remember my grandmothers house was an awful trigger for me, it was where my panic attack happened where this all started - and to boot, the one time I had enough courage to go back there I was watching the news and they were talking about teen suicide and depression. The day I heard that news report, I was to scared to even write the word suicide in a post, now I don't give a shit, and I'll go to there house whenever I feel like it.

I've been looking into meditation for a while, so I will definitely give that website a look at and again jessed, you're awesome I couldn't thank you enough for all your help.. If I had all the money I paid to my psychologist, I would mail it to you instead haha. All joking aside, she was also pretty helpful. I just find that nobody really understands Pure O as well as people who have went through it.