Sexual anxiety?

[Jeffery]

So I've had an anxiety problem for the last 4-5 years or so, I'm currently 19 and in University with a girlfriend who is 17 and in sixth form. Weve been together for roughly a year and a half and were on and off seeing each other for a year before that.
This problem started as more of a social anxiety, just before I'd be going to a house party or to pre-drinks for going drinking in town I would start to feel my stomach clench up, I'd get shaky hands, tiredness, need to go to the toilet etc. Now and then I would throw up from it just as I arrive (discretely in the toilet so nobody knew) or sometimes I would just man through it and I'd head inside as quick as possible and when i started talking to people about it I would forget about it and that was that.

I have had 4 sexual partners and the first time i had sex with each girl I would feel anxious and nauseous but it would always be fine and i'd get through it and it would just disappear. Now since I got to university I haven't had the same anxiety about going places for drinks etc, but before i came to uni and since i've been here, the sexual side of it has got worse.

Whenever i'm with my girlfriend and we start to kiss etc, the worry is there in my head instantly. Then we get a bit further and my stomach starts tightening and feels like it is pushing up into my chest. Sometimes it goes away and I can focus on her and ignore it and everything is fine, sometimes I have to stop as it gets to the point where I'm about to gip and obviously this offends her. The first time it happened she was confused but was supportive and as the time has gone on and its happened other times she takes more and more offense to it each time.

It's got to the point now where I worry about it happening so much before anything has even happened, when i'm on the train to go see her I'm anxious and start to feel my stomach. But the more it happens and the more it upsets her, the less I can feel i can talk to her about it and the last couple of weeks are really hard. I feel like i'm losing her because of it, she has her own problems in her family she has to put up with and I dont want her to have to put up with mine either but I don't really know what to do anymore.

I know that I need to get out of the cycle of relating seeing her with disappointing her because as soon as I think about seeing her the thoughts of disappointing her come into my head straight away. The more it happens, the more I need it to not happen so that we can actually enjoy ourselves together but that pressure makes it worse and I worry more. If anyone has any advice or suggestions or just general help on how to break a cycle like this, I'm begging you to share with me because I'm feeling rather lost and I can't bear to lose her and throw away all we have to this.

[ashy]

Hey Jeffery!
I think I can relate. I always feel a little bit anxious too and mostly have thoughts running through my head, mostly of feeling inadequate whenever me and my boyfriend have sex. Well, honestly the best thing that you can do is to talk to her about it. It's still going to be an issue whether or not you talk about it, but if you talk about it, at least there is an opportunity for you both to work through it and it is the only way that she is going to understand. I understand you not wanting to put anything more on her, but if you guys don't talk about it, it's already causing a problem and the best way to remedy it is to communicate. You tell her and also listen to what she has to say. When you communicate through hard times like these it usually makes the relationship stronger and takes away the burden :). Tell her about how you really do want to give her pleasure and you want to have good sex with her and ask her to have patience and understanding with you. Hope this helps!