Punk Rock Steve
04-19-2008, 06:03 PM
Hi everyone…I’m new here and have been reading this forum for some time. I finally decided to participate as this site has been SO helpful to me in my daily battle with extreme anxiety and panic and I’m figuring that my experience, strength, and hope can also maybe help someone too. I am 54 years old and have had anxiety (and depression at times) most of my life. I have probably had almost every symptom that I have ever seen listed (and probably some never mentioned). The constant problems I have are shortness of breath, palpitations (I refuse to take my own pulse-too afraid), fear of dying or having a serious disease, periodic tremors/shakes, numbness in my head and various extremities, and extreme muscle aches/spasms/pain in my neck, shoulders, and back, though I have many other symptoms on a mostly daily basis. Lately, I’ve been getting this feeling (especially when driving) that the bottom is falling out on me…kind of like I’m going downward into a pit. Of course, my fear of dying then kicks in. I am SO grateful that I found this forum! Every time I read about someone’s experience with this dreaded curse, I can identify with something and it makes me feel like I am not a crazy person after all. I know I’m not alone. I am also a recovering alcoholic and have over seven years sober now. I used to blot out the anxiety by drinking until, eventually; all the drink in the world couldn’t help me. It actually intensified the panic attacks at the end. Not picking up a drink AND dealing with severe anxiety/panic every day does take its toll on me; but I always seem to one way or another get through the day. Of course, when I finally DO get myself to sleep (anxiety ridden insomniac that I am), I go into sleep mode worrying if I’m going to wake up in the morning (yet another common symptom I have). I always have gotten up….so far
God Bless my wife who has had to go through so much with me. Though, just like she can’t understand what it is like to be an alcoholic, she also doesn’t know what it’s like to have chronic, acute anxiety and panic. I know it affects her when I verbalize what’s going on with me and I need to do less of that…no sense dragging her down too and making her anxious. Real glad that I’ll now be able to talk to others on here who have the same issues that I do. I’ve tried all sorts of drugs, and as I’ve seen posted on here before, a lot of it was a nightmare. Too many side effects for me, which in the end increased the uneasiness. I currently take a very low dose of Xanax twice a day, which takes just enough of the edge off to make me functional. I have to watch what I take if it can be addictive. I wish I didn’t have to take ANYTHING and am pretty much open to alternative solutions, though I’m not sure about CBT as I don’t think I have the patience for that. It’s getting to the point, however, where I probably WILL look into that type of therapy. I read on here in a number of posts about Sam Obitz and the TEA exercise and I will soon check that out. I need to do SOMETHING….sometimes feel like I just can’t go on like this anymore. It’s hard to have a balance in my life with work, family, and a program that I really should be working better. Because of the rooms of A.A., I have become much more spiritual and I do pray everyday. It does help, but I also can’t just wish this thing away or not think about, like I’ve heard some people say. What’s funny though is that I DO have days that are relatively anxiety-free from time to time. Not often enough, however…actually it’s a rare treat for me. Not sure why that happens because I get anxiety/panic symptoms for no apparent reason…it doesn’t have to be a stress related day or event for me to feel crappy. I eventually realized over the years that this is both a mental and a physical malady. Though I work a stressful office job, I am also a musician. My late 70’s punk band reunited this past year and it has been a very cool experience for me because when I play music I get totally out of myself for that short amount of time…no anxiety or panic what so ever. That just goes to show how much our brains wreck havoc on our bodies when we think about it all the time; and believe me, I DO think about it most of the time. I guess in a way that is a kind of therapy that gets my mind to tune out of its anxiety obsession. I just had an episode a little while ago while trying to mow the lawn. Lots of back, neck, and should pain...Thought I was having a heart attack, but it stopped after I came in the house. Still had some shakes left though, and now I'm completely drained. I would greatly appreciate any feedback that anyone can give me on anything I’ve mentioned here. Well, I’ve rambled on enough now….I’m sure I’ll be talking to all of you again… that is, unless I don’t wake up in the morning :lol:
God Bless my wife who has had to go through so much with me. Though, just like she can’t understand what it is like to be an alcoholic, she also doesn’t know what it’s like to have chronic, acute anxiety and panic. I know it affects her when I verbalize what’s going on with me and I need to do less of that…no sense dragging her down too and making her anxious. Real glad that I’ll now be able to talk to others on here who have the same issues that I do. I’ve tried all sorts of drugs, and as I’ve seen posted on here before, a lot of it was a nightmare. Too many side effects for me, which in the end increased the uneasiness. I currently take a very low dose of Xanax twice a day, which takes just enough of the edge off to make me functional. I have to watch what I take if it can be addictive. I wish I didn’t have to take ANYTHING and am pretty much open to alternative solutions, though I’m not sure about CBT as I don’t think I have the patience for that. It’s getting to the point, however, where I probably WILL look into that type of therapy. I read on here in a number of posts about Sam Obitz and the TEA exercise and I will soon check that out. I need to do SOMETHING….sometimes feel like I just can’t go on like this anymore. It’s hard to have a balance in my life with work, family, and a program that I really should be working better. Because of the rooms of A.A., I have become much more spiritual and I do pray everyday. It does help, but I also can’t just wish this thing away or not think about, like I’ve heard some people say. What’s funny though is that I DO have days that are relatively anxiety-free from time to time. Not often enough, however…actually it’s a rare treat for me. Not sure why that happens because I get anxiety/panic symptoms for no apparent reason…it doesn’t have to be a stress related day or event for me to feel crappy. I eventually realized over the years that this is both a mental and a physical malady. Though I work a stressful office job, I am also a musician. My late 70’s punk band reunited this past year and it has been a very cool experience for me because when I play music I get totally out of myself for that short amount of time…no anxiety or panic what so ever. That just goes to show how much our brains wreck havoc on our bodies when we think about it all the time; and believe me, I DO think about it most of the time. I guess in a way that is a kind of therapy that gets my mind to tune out of its anxiety obsession. I just had an episode a little while ago while trying to mow the lawn. Lots of back, neck, and should pain...Thought I was having a heart attack, but it stopped after I came in the house. Still had some shakes left though, and now I'm completely drained. I would greatly appreciate any feedback that anyone can give me on anything I’ve mentioned here. Well, I’ve rambled on enough now….I’m sure I’ll be talking to all of you again… that is, unless I don’t wake up in the morning :lol: