pluperfecthell
03-21-2014, 02:45 PM
My mom just gave me the bad news that my uncle's dog died. I don't know why she thought it would be a good idea to tell me that over the phone while I'm home alone, knowing that animals are very near and dear to my heart and that I JUST got over my fear of being home alone (I was scared that I was going to start having panic attacks again if I spent so much time alone). I'm crying about it because that was a family dog and we've had her since I was like 8.
Part of me wants to panic though. She wasn't that old, my dog is 11, older than she was by a few years, and she's still alive. My brain keeps telling me that it's rabies. I can't go through that again. (I went through like a 3 month mental breakdown that was triggered by my dog biting me, me being convinced that I had rabies, and then my hypochondria consumed me after that. I'm okayish now, I don't really get panic attacks anymore and I don't think about illness as much.) Every time I even think about rabies, I feel the worst chill run down my spine and it almost sends me into a blind panic. I'm controlling it though, I'm not letting it scare me as much as it did before and I'm not letting it make me hyperventilate.
But then I can't help but wonder if I'm right? What if now my uncle and my grandma have gotten it? What if I've gotten it? The last time I saw her was Sunday, like 5 days ago. And then I shut it down with how she doesn't go outside unsupervised, nor at night. I don't think there's any way she could've been bitten by anything, and she was the sweetest dog ever, wouldn't hurt a fly.
I keep crying and I don't know if it's because I'm sad because I love animals so much and I've never lost one that was close to me or if it's because I'm scared of losing it again over this stupid rabies fear.
Part of me wants to panic though. She wasn't that old, my dog is 11, older than she was by a few years, and she's still alive. My brain keeps telling me that it's rabies. I can't go through that again. (I went through like a 3 month mental breakdown that was triggered by my dog biting me, me being convinced that I had rabies, and then my hypochondria consumed me after that. I'm okayish now, I don't really get panic attacks anymore and I don't think about illness as much.) Every time I even think about rabies, I feel the worst chill run down my spine and it almost sends me into a blind panic. I'm controlling it though, I'm not letting it scare me as much as it did before and I'm not letting it make me hyperventilate.
But then I can't help but wonder if I'm right? What if now my uncle and my grandma have gotten it? What if I've gotten it? The last time I saw her was Sunday, like 5 days ago. And then I shut it down with how she doesn't go outside unsupervised, nor at night. I don't think there's any way she could've been bitten by anything, and she was the sweetest dog ever, wouldn't hurt a fly.
I keep crying and I don't know if it's because I'm sad because I love animals so much and I've never lost one that was close to me or if it's because I'm scared of losing it again over this stupid rabies fear.