kileyt
03-20-2014, 11:13 PM
To start off, I have pretty bad social anxiety, (never tried to get diagnosed, but I can definitely feel it...) and always try my hardest to be liked by people. I think I'm a good friend, I'm always always always there to give advice, listen, and would do anything for a good majority of people who probably don't even think twice about me.
Over the past year, a lot has happened in my life, causing me to spend more and more time over at my best friend's house. I never really felt like a part of her "family" until recently, when her little sister (she's 16) started to directly talk to me and laugh with me and stuff like that. It made me feel awesome that she was warming up to me!
Me and my best friend are not "partiers" in any way. We don't post about drinking, drugs, etc. or anything of that nature on social media... We don't hang out with "the cool crowd." (Not saying anything bad against them, just trying to put our lives in perspective) We get awesome grades and blah blah blah, you can see where this is going.
My friend and I (I'm 18, she's 17) just very recently got drunk, for the first time ever, at a kickback at a friend's house. We ended up kissing two guys, which was crazy for both of us because we are NOT like that. I had only kissed two guys previously, and me and my ex dated for 3 and a half years.
Anyways, I didn't feel bad about it, (except for the kissing part, regretted that haha) because hey, let's be honest... it happens. Teenagers will be teenagers, right? I finally felt like I knew what other people in my grade were talking about.
Everyone in my grade and lower has had way way worse... not that it justifies our actions. Wanting to come clean, my friend told her little sister and her little sister's friend about that night. Her little sister is very modest about things, doesn't cuss, etc. And she just kind of "politely" laughed and didn't make eye contact during the whole thing. I started to feel really bad about the whole situation.
I had just started to feel accepted by their family (because honestly, I spend way more time there than my own house) and now I'm convinced her sister (and possibly her friend) hates me. I kept saying I'm sorry and that she hates me so much and she was just like "Oh my goshhh" and politely laughing and focusing on her work. My friend felt even worse, but she has nothing to worry about because it's her SISTER... who could never hate her.
I feel really awful. Even when I would jokingly say her sister hated me, my friend would nod and go "No really, she probably does!"
I don't want her to hate me and talk about me, because apparently she didn't like me a while back and I have no idea why... I try my best to be the nicest I can to people and it causes me so much stress to try and make sure they like me. I nearly started crying because I have lost so many friends in the past year, when I've been nothing but great to them. (again, not trying to sound conceited or anything! it's just i meet a lot of not so great friends haha)
It's gotten to the point where I'm not even really surprised anymore, it's just another person to add to my list of people who have left, I guess? Knowing that people can not like me when I try my hardest is really disheartening...
I've been especially convinced lately that everyone despises me and I'm a horrible person for doing the things I do and I just really don't want her sister to think badly of me, which I know she does... :( I'm tired of losing everyone, just when I get used to them being there.
I can never get it right it seems, no matter what I do. Am I a horrible person, is there something I should change about myself? I am under so much stress to please everyone because people fall out of my life so quickly, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong...
Over the past year, a lot has happened in my life, causing me to spend more and more time over at my best friend's house. I never really felt like a part of her "family" until recently, when her little sister (she's 16) started to directly talk to me and laugh with me and stuff like that. It made me feel awesome that she was warming up to me!
Me and my best friend are not "partiers" in any way. We don't post about drinking, drugs, etc. or anything of that nature on social media... We don't hang out with "the cool crowd." (Not saying anything bad against them, just trying to put our lives in perspective) We get awesome grades and blah blah blah, you can see where this is going.
My friend and I (I'm 18, she's 17) just very recently got drunk, for the first time ever, at a kickback at a friend's house. We ended up kissing two guys, which was crazy for both of us because we are NOT like that. I had only kissed two guys previously, and me and my ex dated for 3 and a half years.
Anyways, I didn't feel bad about it, (except for the kissing part, regretted that haha) because hey, let's be honest... it happens. Teenagers will be teenagers, right? I finally felt like I knew what other people in my grade were talking about.
Everyone in my grade and lower has had way way worse... not that it justifies our actions. Wanting to come clean, my friend told her little sister and her little sister's friend about that night. Her little sister is very modest about things, doesn't cuss, etc. And she just kind of "politely" laughed and didn't make eye contact during the whole thing. I started to feel really bad about the whole situation.
I had just started to feel accepted by their family (because honestly, I spend way more time there than my own house) and now I'm convinced her sister (and possibly her friend) hates me. I kept saying I'm sorry and that she hates me so much and she was just like "Oh my goshhh" and politely laughing and focusing on her work. My friend felt even worse, but she has nothing to worry about because it's her SISTER... who could never hate her.
I feel really awful. Even when I would jokingly say her sister hated me, my friend would nod and go "No really, she probably does!"
I don't want her to hate me and talk about me, because apparently she didn't like me a while back and I have no idea why... I try my best to be the nicest I can to people and it causes me so much stress to try and make sure they like me. I nearly started crying because I have lost so many friends in the past year, when I've been nothing but great to them. (again, not trying to sound conceited or anything! it's just i meet a lot of not so great friends haha)
It's gotten to the point where I'm not even really surprised anymore, it's just another person to add to my list of people who have left, I guess? Knowing that people can not like me when I try my hardest is really disheartening...
I've been especially convinced lately that everyone despises me and I'm a horrible person for doing the things I do and I just really don't want her sister to think badly of me, which I know she does... :( I'm tired of losing everyone, just when I get used to them being there.
I can never get it right it seems, no matter what I do. Am I a horrible person, is there something I should change about myself? I am under so much stress to please everyone because people fall out of my life so quickly, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong...