New to the forum, not so new to anxiety

[CNCguy11]

Hey guys! My name is Jeremy, 21 years old from Indiana, and boy am I glad I came across this forum. A quick little back ground of myself, I experienced my first panic attack at the age of 13. I think we can all relate that the first true panic attack is by far the worst. I mean, they all are, but even more so the first. I was having, at the minimum, 2-3 per day, everyday. My father suffers from bi-polar disorder/manic depression, and my moms side also has a long line of depression. Great genes huh? So I took meds all through highschool and got to the point where I thought I had a pretty good hold on the panic attacks without medicine. And I think I did for the most part. I went almost 3 years without having panic attacks, until a little over a month ago, that all to familiar feeling of "oh my God my chest is tightening, I cant breath, im going to die right here and now" came over me. I had went so long without a panic attack, I truly DID believe I was dying. Obviously, I did not because I am currently typing this lol. My fiance, bless her heart, has dealt with a person who had the same condition I do, so she instinctively knew what to do. She started a hot bath and sat me down in the tub with her rocking me telling me it was going to be ok while I bawled like a mad man. Fast forward a couple of days, and now I have this horrible pain in the back of my head, radiating down my neck and into my shoulder. I look into the mirror and see that my pupils are two different sizes, and I instantly flip thinking I'm having a brain aneurysm. My finance was actually concerned now too because my eyes were freaking her out, so she takes me to the E.R. They send me through to get a C.T Scan to check for signs of a tumor, or bleeding, and it came back negative. So they basically just gave me some pain killers for the headache and sent me on my way. What a waste. They recommended I get a primary physician (I moved about 18 months ago and had put off getting a new doc up until this point) and discuss getting back on meds. I am currently taking an army of meds for, muscle relaxers, pain killers, and anxiety pills. However, I am still not feeling 100% I still have the uneven pupils, and the past couple of days I have gotten double vision. Ugh. I should be telling myself, "Jeremy, you got a CT scan and they didnt find a tumor or anything, YOU'RE FINE." But of course, I got on google and searched what a CT Scan detects and I read it cant see a small tumor like an MRI could, but could detect a larger tumor more easily. Awesome freaking opossum. So in the back of my head I keep telling myself that there could still be something physically wrong with me. Am I rambling? I think I am..lol. Not sure what the point in this post is actually..Maybe for someone to tell me Im not crazy and they have experienced these same things, or know someone who has? Or just to tell me I will be okay and to stop worrying. I dunno. Any insight, or just a simple hello is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!....if anyone has made it to this point lol.

Warmest regards,

Jeremy

[crussellii]

Hey guys! My name is Jeremy, 21 years old from Indiana, and boy am I glad I came across this forum. A quick little back ground of myself, I experienced my first panic attack at the age of 13. I think we can all relate that the first true panic attack is by far the worst. I mean, they all are, but even more so the first. I was having, at the minimum, 2-3 per day, everyday. My father suffers from bi-polar disorder/manic depression, and my moms side also has a long line of depression. Great genes huh? So I took meds all through highschool and got to the point where I thought I had a pretty good hold on the panic attacks without medicine. And I think I did for the most part. I went almost 3 years without having panic attacks, until a little over a month ago, that all to familiar feeling of "oh my God my chest is tightening, I cant breath, im going to die right here and now" came over me. I had went so long without a panic attack, I truly DID believe I was dying. Obviously, I did not because I am currently typing this lol. My fiance, bless her heart, has dealt with a person who had the same condition I do, so she instinctively knew what to do. She started a hot bath and sat me down in the tub with her rocking me telling me it was going to be ok while I bawled like a mad man. Fast forward a couple of days, and now I have this horrible pain in the back of my head, radiating down my neck and into my shoulder. I look into the mirror and see that my pupils are two different sizes, and I instantly flip thinking I'm having a brain aneurysm. My finance was actually concerned now too because my eyes were freaking her out, so she takes me to the E.R. They send me through to get a C.T Scan to check for signs of a tumor, or bleeding, and it came back negative. So they basically just gave me some pain killers for the headache and sent me on my way. What a waste. They recommended I get a primary physician (I moved about 18 months ago and had put off getting a new doc up until this point) and discuss getting back on meds. I am currently taking an army of meds for, muscle relaxers, pain killers, and anxiety pills. However, I am still not feeling 100% I still have the uneven pupils, and the past couple of days I have gotten double vision. Ugh. I should be telling myself, "Jeremy, you got a CT scan and they didnt find a tumor or anything, YOU'RE FINE." But of course, I got on google and searched what a CT Scan detects and I read it cant see a small tumor like an MRI could, but could detect a larger tumor more easily. Awesome freaking opossum. So in the back of my head I keep telling myself that there could still be something physically wrong with me. Am I rambling? I think I am..lol. Not sure what the point in this post is actually..Maybe for someone to tell me Im not crazy and they have experienced these same things, or know someone who has? Or just to tell me I will be okay and to stop worrying. I dunno. Any insight, or just a simple hello is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!....if anyone has made it to this point lol. Warmest regards, Jeremy

I started getting panic attacks at around 22 years old. I recently got off all my meds in October. Felt amazing until 3-3-14. Like you I haven't had a panic attack in over 10 years. Sitting in my office I start getting the fainting feeling, tight chest, arms numbing and I go to the bathroom at work thinking at 35 I'm going to die in the damn bathroom at work. I drive straight to the ER and get the battery of tests. Of course healthy as can be. Next day went back to my pdoc and started a new med. Week later 2:30am wake up in a full blown panic attack. Took everything I had to not call the ambulance. 16 days back on meds and I'm finally feeling ok again. I've never had any thing with my pupils that I know of. But pains in my head (which of course I thought was brain tumor) chest pains etc. My suggestion is stay away from google. I googled symptoms and immediately I had them all lol. Hang in there buddy you will be ok just as I am.

[CNCguy11]

I started getting panic attacks at around 22 years old. I recently got off all my meds in October. Felt amazing until 3-3-14. Like you I haven't had a panic attack in over 10 years. Sitting in my office I start getting the fainting feeling, tight chest, arms numbing and I go to the bathroom at work thinking at 35 I'm going to die in the damn bathroom at work. I drive straight to the ER and get the battery of tests. Of course healthy as can be. Next day went back to my pdoc and started a new med. Week later 2:30am wake up in a full blown panic attack. Took everything I had to not call the ambulance. 16 days back on meds and I'm finally feeling ok again. I've never had any thing with my pupils that I know of. But pains in my head (which of course I thought was brain tumor) chest pains etc. My suggestion is stay away from google. I googled symptoms and immediately I had them all lol. Hang in there buddy you will be ok just as I am.

Your words mean more to me than you will ever know! Coming from a person who has this same condition definitely helps. It's hard for people that have never dealt with this to sometimes understand. They're like "why can't you just feel better?" It's frustrating, but I've dealt with it for so long I'm likely never going to be able to be normal without meds. And boy oh boy can I relate to wanting to call an ambulance every hour. But talk about embarrassing when you go to an ER thinking you're on your death bed and the techs say you're just fine. I keep telling myself that if I really did have a serious brain issue, I would have more symptoms I.e, seizures, weakness, etc. And I totally agree on the google deal. It's a dirty dirty thing for people with anxiety. "Oh your pinky toe hurts? Chances are you have cancer and have 6 months to live." Haha. Thanks again for your kind words. Glad to know I'm still not alone in this fight!

[trinidiva]

Perhaps the pupils being two different sizes might have been due to simply the bad headache you had that day. One thing is for sure though. ..you dont have to worry about brain tumors, etc. They just dont present that way then go away....and trust me...I too have gone through the whole "brain tumor" worry...they did an MRI. ..found nothing... (in my case I was having dizzy spells)....and you know what? It was all due to anxiety. Once I started to get that under control I didnt have the dizzy spells anymore. Hang in there....it can be really tough.

[CNCguy11]

Perhaps the pupils being two different sizes might have been due to simply the bad headache you had that day. One thing is for sure though. ..you dont have to worry about brain tumors, etc. They just dont present that way then go away....and trust me...I too have gone through the whole "brain tumor" worry...they did an MRI. ..found nothing... (in my case I was having dizzy spells)....and you know what? It was all due to anxiety. Once I started to get that under control I didnt have the dizzy spells anymore. Hang in there....it can be really tough.

I would have to agree with the pupils and headache. I think I've had slightly different sized pupils for some time, it just seems they are getting worse, but once again that could be my mind playing tricks on me in order to freak me out. I think I may go for an eye exam tomorrow just to see about the double vision because its getting especially hard for me to see at night. And thanks to the ER visit, I have we'll surpassed my deductible for this year, so what the heck! Gla I'm not the only one who has been through this phase. Thanks for your insight! :)

[crussellii]

Your words mean more to me than you will ever know! Coming from a person who has this same condition definitely helps. It's hard for people that have never dealt with this to sometimes understand. They're like "why can't you just feel better?" It's frustrating, but I've dealt with it for so long I'm likely never going to be able to be normal without meds. And boy oh boy can I relate to wanting to call an ambulance every hour. But talk about embarrassing when you go to an ER thinking you're on your death bed and the techs say you're just fine. I keep telling myself that if I really did have a serious brain issue, I would have more symptoms I.e, seizures, weakness, etc. And I totally agree on the google deal. It's a dirty dirty thing for people with anxiety. "Oh your pinky toe hurts? Chances are you have cancer and have 6 months to live." Haha. Thanks again for your kind words. Glad to know I'm still not alone in this fight!

I'm here if you need anything buddy. I know now I'm on meds for the rest of my life and I'm fine with it. I lead a perfectly normal life with meds. I just wanted to make an attempt to get off the SSRI. Like you said, unless you have the condition no one else can fully understand how you and I feel when this stuff happens.

[Fen667]

Hey Jeremy, trini and Crusselli. I only recently found these forums and they're a great help and full of inspiring folk.
I have the same things. Tight chest, tingling/numb fingers, dizzy, blurred vision, feeling of impending doom, shoulders/neck aching, etc, etc. I went to emergency doc in September last year, I thought was gonna die. Heart attck? Stroke? Tumor? Diabetes? Everything went through my mind after i made the mistake of googling my symptoms!!
The ER said no diabetes, blood pressure a little high and heart rate normal, if a little slow. I then booked an appointment with my doctor and had the full bloods, ECG, etc. Went tp opticion and eyes are all good with nothing to worry about, he even took pictures inside them....which looked pretty cool as well!!
It was all down to anxiety.
I've cope with depression for most of my life but the panic/anxiety attacks were pretty new to me so I was in a major freak out!
I still get them but I'm able to recognise the signs earlier now and try and deal with it before it gets me. I still get those, 'i'm having a heart attack', moments but i try to tell myself that its the stress playing with my head.
Gonna see my doc again next week and talk about some different approaches. I take prochloperazine for when i star to feel dizzy or odd. They help if I catch it early.
Cheers all and take care out there

[needtogetwell]

Welcome Fen,

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things, even if you have the odd rough day.

I just wanted to say hello, we're here if you need us!

Cheers and have a good day!
Pam

[Fen667]

Hey Pam.
Thanks for your kind words. Still get those real bad times but getting a better handle on things. This place has been a great help and much needed source of information already.
Cheers and have a good day yourself

[crussellii]

Hey Jeremy, trini and Crusselli. I only recently found these forums and they're a great help and full of inspiring folk. I have the same things. Tight chest, tingling/numb fingers, dizzy, blurred vision, feeling of impending doom, shoulders/neck aching, etc, etc. I went to emergency doc in September last year, I thought was gonna die. Heart attck? Stroke? Tumor? Diabetes? Everything went through my mind after i made the mistake of googling my symptoms!! The ER said no diabetes, blood pressure a little high and heart rate normal, if a little slow. I then booked an appointment with my doctor and had the full bloods, ECG, etc. Went tp opticion and eyes are all good with nothing to worry about, he even took pictures inside them....which looked pretty cool as well!! It was all down to anxiety. I've cope with depression for most of my life but the panic/anxiety attacks were pretty new to me so I was in a major freak out! I still get them but I'm able to recognise the signs earlier now and try and deal with it before it gets me. I still get those, 'i'm having a heart attack', moments but i try to tell myself that its the stress playing with my head. Gonna see my doc again next week and talk about some different approaches. I take prochloperazine for when i star to feel dizzy or odd. They help if I catch it early. Cheers all and take care out there

I know some folks try to stay away from meds but maybe see a pdoc as there's no point in feeling bad all the time. Lots of SSRI to try to get you out of the panic attacks and depression. Best of luck!