pugsarecool
03-18-2014, 10:08 PM
Hey guys,
My name is Hunter and I'm 18. This is gonna be a massive post, and I'm sorry for that, but I gotta tell you guys the entire story. So here goes.. When I was 13, I was in orchestra and we had to play a concert in the middle of the school gym in front of 2500 kids..we were just about to start the first song when I became very pale, dizzy, felt like everything was spiraling out of control, and nearly fainted. So I left the gym, took a breather in the nurses office and told I had a panic attack and that I just needed to calm down. Everything was fine till the next week, when the dizziness and nausea came back. I ended up taking several days off school, thinking it was the flu. Lots of panic attacks and spending whole days in the nurses office later, I'm told I have an anxiety disorder. I saw a psychologist a few times about it, and made some progress, but it wouldn't go away all through high school. Freshman year it was terrible, and I often had to leave classes to go in the nurses office to calm down, shaking, pale, freaking out over nothing at all. Sophomore year it seemed to lighten up a bit, as it did with junior year, and I'd even go as far as to say I was 99% anxiety free senior year well into the summer after graduation..until I started working full time.
I'm huge into music, and I've played guitar for 9 years, so naturally when I got a job, I spent every paycheck on either CD's or guitar gear. So when it came time to go to technical college that fall, of course, I had no where near enough money to pay for my classes. So I said alright, I'll take a year off to work and save up a couple grand, and pay my way easily through school..and it's a decision I regret every day of my life. I was working sales floor for just above minimum wage at a department store, and at first, it was alright. I don't know what the deal was, but all of a sudden, my bosses *hated* me. I had already been working there for about 9 and a half months, and was well liked by everyone. I was a hard worker, never spoke out against anything, always did what was requested of me, and always made darn sure whatever customer I was helping left satisfied. I really don't know what set them off, and they wouldn't tell me so it remains a mystery. But, they started setting unreasonable expectations, I was constantly getting yelled at, blamed for things I didn't do, being told I was worthless, useless, and a burden to the company, was given the finger by my boss, threatened, being forced to stay late (When it was company policy that you didn't have to stay late if you chose not to..but it came down to the tactics of "If you want to keep your job, you'll stay late as we want"), rumors were spread about me by supervisors and management, just constant pressure and fear from everybody there. It got to the point where I was either terrified or furious to go to work.
A couple weeks ago, I finally quit. I was told by management that there was problems with my work ethic and absenteeism (Called in sick 4 times over 18 months of employment...), and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I worked extremely hard for them and that was it, I couldn't take it anymore. So when I started full time, late August of 2013, and when everything started going downhill in September 2013, I gradually felt my anxiety coming back. I did everything I could to fight it..but it wouldn't stay away. All my symptoms came back, and by December I was a mental wreck again. Not to mention I was in a car accident during October 2013 from a woman who ran a red light, unfortunately she lied to the responding officer and he believed her over me due to my age, and gave me a completely bullsh- ticket saying I failed to yield a turn. The only reason I'm including this in my story is because it added a ton of stress to my life and just now I'm starting to be slightly comfortable in driving again. Recently, my symptoms have only become worse after quitting. I'm terrified to go to bed at night, I'm constantly afraid of dying, I have severe pains in my chest and back that I could swear are heart attacks, I'm always worried and paranoid over the stupidest or littlest things, the worrying is to a point where it's never been to before and it's just becoming ridiculous.
So yeah, that's my story. Thanks for reading it all if you did, and I'm glad to be a member of this forum. Hopefully I can give and receive some help to others suffering from the same thing. :)
My name is Hunter and I'm 18. This is gonna be a massive post, and I'm sorry for that, but I gotta tell you guys the entire story. So here goes.. When I was 13, I was in orchestra and we had to play a concert in the middle of the school gym in front of 2500 kids..we were just about to start the first song when I became very pale, dizzy, felt like everything was spiraling out of control, and nearly fainted. So I left the gym, took a breather in the nurses office and told I had a panic attack and that I just needed to calm down. Everything was fine till the next week, when the dizziness and nausea came back. I ended up taking several days off school, thinking it was the flu. Lots of panic attacks and spending whole days in the nurses office later, I'm told I have an anxiety disorder. I saw a psychologist a few times about it, and made some progress, but it wouldn't go away all through high school. Freshman year it was terrible, and I often had to leave classes to go in the nurses office to calm down, shaking, pale, freaking out over nothing at all. Sophomore year it seemed to lighten up a bit, as it did with junior year, and I'd even go as far as to say I was 99% anxiety free senior year well into the summer after graduation..until I started working full time.
I'm huge into music, and I've played guitar for 9 years, so naturally when I got a job, I spent every paycheck on either CD's or guitar gear. So when it came time to go to technical college that fall, of course, I had no where near enough money to pay for my classes. So I said alright, I'll take a year off to work and save up a couple grand, and pay my way easily through school..and it's a decision I regret every day of my life. I was working sales floor for just above minimum wage at a department store, and at first, it was alright. I don't know what the deal was, but all of a sudden, my bosses *hated* me. I had already been working there for about 9 and a half months, and was well liked by everyone. I was a hard worker, never spoke out against anything, always did what was requested of me, and always made darn sure whatever customer I was helping left satisfied. I really don't know what set them off, and they wouldn't tell me so it remains a mystery. But, they started setting unreasonable expectations, I was constantly getting yelled at, blamed for things I didn't do, being told I was worthless, useless, and a burden to the company, was given the finger by my boss, threatened, being forced to stay late (When it was company policy that you didn't have to stay late if you chose not to..but it came down to the tactics of "If you want to keep your job, you'll stay late as we want"), rumors were spread about me by supervisors and management, just constant pressure and fear from everybody there. It got to the point where I was either terrified or furious to go to work.
A couple weeks ago, I finally quit. I was told by management that there was problems with my work ethic and absenteeism (Called in sick 4 times over 18 months of employment...), and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I worked extremely hard for them and that was it, I couldn't take it anymore. So when I started full time, late August of 2013, and when everything started going downhill in September 2013, I gradually felt my anxiety coming back. I did everything I could to fight it..but it wouldn't stay away. All my symptoms came back, and by December I was a mental wreck again. Not to mention I was in a car accident during October 2013 from a woman who ran a red light, unfortunately she lied to the responding officer and he believed her over me due to my age, and gave me a completely bullsh- ticket saying I failed to yield a turn. The only reason I'm including this in my story is because it added a ton of stress to my life and just now I'm starting to be slightly comfortable in driving again. Recently, my symptoms have only become worse after quitting. I'm terrified to go to bed at night, I'm constantly afraid of dying, I have severe pains in my chest and back that I could swear are heart attacks, I'm always worried and paranoid over the stupidest or littlest things, the worrying is to a point where it's never been to before and it's just becoming ridiculous.
So yeah, that's my story. Thanks for reading it all if you did, and I'm glad to be a member of this forum. Hopefully I can give and receive some help to others suffering from the same thing. :)