I just want to end it all.

[Kalita]

I think I've hit an all time low. December last year my husband suffered an anxiety depression episode and nearly took his life. Turns out it was a work related issue. So, we tried to get workers compensation, but it was declined. Hubby had to quit his job due to stress. Now, four months later, we have no money. No job. I can't work due to my severe panic disorder & depression. And I have to care for my three year old son. Hubby has gone back to university full time. I'm happy he's doing something that makes him happy, but still, they don't pay you to go to school and he has no job. So again, as I said, no money. I've had to humble myself and ask people for help financially. We are getting very little help. And the people I thought that would help us say they can't. I'm living day to day not knowing what will happen next. My depression has kicked in full on. I'm having some health issues that are setting off my panic disorder. It's all too much. I don't see a light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm scared. Scared of what I might do. I've never been this desperate in my life!! The only thing that has me clinging on to any resemblance of hope is my son. But it kills me inside when he sees me crying every day and asks "mommy cry. Is mommy hurt?" I feel so alone!! I just want it all to go away! Oh, and to top it off, today my mom tells me that she has been diagnosed with a heart condition and could suffer a major heart attack and die any minute! What more?! How am I supposed to digest that?!!

[ab123]

Wow, it certainly sounds like you have a whole awful lot on your plate, there is always a way out should you choose to seek it...and I hope you will for your sons sake. As for your mom...that is horrible news and I wish you the best of luck in that area. As for yourself, If you need income..the best thing I can suggest is to try to get on a medicine to help with the panic disorder..you don't have to live like this. There is always help. Please consider calling a suicide hotline. Contact your doctor and let them know your panic disorder is in dire need of help. Best of luck to you. Your son needs his mother

[Kalita]

I've been on medication for ten years and still haven't been able to get a job due to my panic disorder. Any time I feel an ounce of pressure, I get nervous anxiety, then end up having a full blown panic attack. I've seen Drs. I take my meds. I see my psychologist. I'm starting to become anti social. I'd rather deal with a computer than have a conversation with a person face to face or over the phone. I don't know what I'm going to do!!

[ab123]

Which medication are you on? Maybe it's time to change. I understand how you feel...I know it's hard...but you really can do it.

[Kalita]

I'm on Dothep 75mg & Valium 5mg.

[ab123]

Sounds like doc knows what he is doing with the meds, at least from what I read. But maybe it is ineffective at this point?