Scared

[Sassybot]

Hi Guys,

I'm new here so don't know if this is the right place.

The last few weeks I've been feeling proper down. It kind of accumulated on Sunday when I went to my pole fitness class (which I love) and ended up running out, crying before I even warmed up. I don't really know why. Since then my crying has got worse and my partner has convinced me to go see my GP tomorrow at 3pm. If I'm honest there hasn't been a day I haven't cried or been down for no reason for the last month and I was pretty worried until last night/this morning.

About 2pm I was having a dream (my first in a long time, it was great my bf had taken me to florida haha) when I woke up with the worst pain I've ever experienced in my chest. I was crying and shaking and my bf gave me some pain killers and a chew thing as he thought it might be indigestion. It did nothing and for about half an hour I was convinced I was going to die. At some point I must have fallen asleep because I woke up again a few hours later with a similar experience only not as strong or for as long. I've woke up drained for the millionth time this year with my chest aching. Kind of feels like I've done a long hard run.

I finally worked up the courage and told my mum and she says I've had a panic attack. My mum being who she is has then scared the pants off me telling me the GP will tell me I'm depressed and put me on pills etc. I really don't want pills. If I'm honest I just think I need a rest. I've either had disturbed sleep or dead sleep where my head hits the pillow and I wake up feeling more tired.

I can't be depressed. I seriously have nothing to be depressed about. I have an amazing boyfriend and we've got our first home together which is amazing AND we have a kitten who is so daft and perfect for us. My work sucks but it has always sucked and the boss who made my life hell has gone so it can't be that. I feel so so selfish.

Just wondering if anyone can maybe shed some light on this. I know people who had had panic attacks but they never seem to have been like that.



x

[Sassybot]

I'm scared about what the GP is going to say or ask me too. I got a later appointment before this Dr is nice but I really don't know what to say. I'm just going to walk in and cry at her. Really dont want to do that. I'm normally the one everyone goes to when they have problems, this really isn't like me. What if she tries to sign me off work? I know I'm tired but in my company they will think I'm pretending or weak or just a jerk. We're all so busy too (good busy, being bored isn't fun) so I really can't stay at home.

[needtogetwell]

Hello and welcome.

Don't feel selfish, and do see your GP. There are other options for being a bit down. Pills aren't necessarily the only way to attack this thing.

You are probably under more pressure than you realize, new house, new kitten etc.

Yes, you likely had a panic attack, but keep in mind they are not dangerous, they just feel that way.

Tell your GP everything, even if you feel a bit selfish and silly.

Hoping things get better for you. We have all been where you are, it does get better.

Cheers!

[Sassybot]

Really? I can't believe a panic attack can hurt that much. It hurts now. My chest feels like I've ran a marathon! How can it hurt this much but not be painful?

My bf says that I've been through a lot in my past and now everything is calming down it's like my mind has dropped it's protective barrier which is why I'm struggling. Surely that can't be right.

Hopefully the Dr will help but I really don't know what to say. 'Hi, I can't stop crying and Tuesday morning I thought I was going to die' doesn't really seem sane. Neither does going in there are just crying at her.

Thanks for your reply. Feel better knowing they wont try and make me take meds. It's difficult enough to get me to take paracetamol!

[needtogetwell]

Hey sassy,

Meds are usually a last resort.

What your bf said rings some truth. After we have had a long period of stress the body just wants to let go.

Yes, sometimes panic attacks can make you hurt physically for a while. Just remind yourself that it is over . If you have the luxury of going back to sleep for a bit do so. If not, try to carry on with your day and don't dwell on it. That is the best way to make it happen again, and you certainly don't want that!

Must go get ready for work now. But if you still need some reassurance, one of the other members will jump in before too long.

We are a really good bunch of people here, we all want to help you through this.

Good luck,
Pam

[Sassybot]

Thanks Pam, it's nice to know there are people there to talk to. I talk to my bf a lot (obviously) but I'm worried about loading too much on him. Don't know why but i've got it stuck in my head that if I can't feel better soon he will run away. I know it's not true but I can't shut the little voice in the back of my head up.

I'm stuck in work although I'm not really working. My chest still hurts and I keep going dizzy although that may be from being tired.
Am trying to avoid thinking about it but it difficult. Need to eat something but really can't be bothered which isn't like me- I'm a classic comfort eater.

Just want to go home and go to sleep.

[Sassybot]

Thanks, you've got a cool UN too. Our kitten is called Frankenstein but gets Frankie for short (although he rarely responds to it- fussy thing!)

Last night, before I went to bed, I wrote two massive lists of things that made me happy and things that are stressing me out. I've been doing a pole fitness routine course and tonight is meant to be the night where we film ourselves. After I wrote the lists I felt so much better and was actually really excited. But then I went to bed and the pains happened and I really don't want to go again. It was embarrassing enough that it happened in front of Tim, I couldn't hack it if it happened in front of my friends.

Guess worrying about it wont help ensure it wont happen again!

Plus I'm completely shattered. Am contemplating trying those herbal sleep remedy things tonight but to try and get some z's. My birthday is the 30th and I've got the Friday and Monday either side booked off. Was hoping this would be the time I need to relax but everyone is trying to get me to do stuff and it just seems so far away. Have you ever been so tired you feel sick, but then you still carry on being tired and come out the other side of feeling sick and just feel empty? That's kind of how I feel. Think my arms and legs are hollow.

It just doesn't make sense. I've been through complete hell in years past and handled it fine!

Thanks for your support

x