Sofi
03-17-2014, 08:29 AM
Well, it has been a long time since I was last posting at forums!
I just joined to check this place out and maybe learn something about anxiety. I have, sadly, begun to suffer from it myself a few months ago, and I am a bit upset, confused, scared and unable to see a psychiatrist or anyone as I'm currently living in a country where I don't speak the local language much.
I got my first proper panic attacks in November, triggered by almost fainting after working for 12 hours and not eating. I thought for a moment I was going to die there and then. I lived alone and started panicking about not being able to get help should something terrible happen. I called my ex-fiancé who calmed me down quite well. Not a smart move in the bigger picture I guess, but whatever.
It took me a week or two to get over the anxiety that the panic attacks that would continue the next day at work left me with. Luckily I told my boss I needed to see a doctor, and he gave me sick leave. I was able to stay home, sleep and eat well, relax, go swimming and meet my friends on more casual terms.
I didn't realise what was happening at first. I thought I was going crazy. I freaked out when I lost control of my feelings and emotions. Of course I was really proud of myself for getting over it with 'will power' or whatever you might call it (as opposed to the meds the doctor subscribed me with, I didn't even go get them from the pharmacy). And actually I've been fine since that period, but unfortunately about two weeks ago I have started feeling more or less anxious every now and then, every day. I can't seem to shake it off and it is very annoying indeed. It's so silly, but watching the amazing HBO series True Detective (or rather, reading the reddit thread obsessively) triggered some weird fears. I don't know, being alone in my flat just started giving me the creeps. Stupid ideas that there is an evil spirit in my flat, or that maybe I am supposed to die. AWFUL things! The feeling's been just the same as it was when I was recovering from my panic attacks last year.
I've been trying to read about anxiety, but many of the descriptions don't suit me at all so I feel at a loss. I don't have social phobias. I have been insecure in the past but I am currently more confident in myself than ever before. I've recently started a new job in a new country (it's not the first foreign country I live in so I don't think it's an issue), and it has all gone well despite of the language barrier. I've become good friends with my brilliant coworkers, and with some English speaking locals. I'm doing quite well at my work. I've had some very satisfying one night stands with some lovely men, and I currently have a very nice f*ck buddy. I've started lifting weights and have lost weight. I go out a lot, I go to the gym a lot, I eat out a lot, good and healthy food, I sleep enough... Everything seems to be fine, but I get these anxious periods and moments when I'm alone that I fear it will just drive me crazy.
I suppose it's more than possible that the following factors might have something to do with all this:
- Last year was spent trying to fix my relationship with boyfriend/fiancé of 7-8 years. It failed (in the autumn, before moving here) because of me. He wanted to continue, I didn't. I continue to feel a great amount of guilt, and I am more worried and depressed for him than for myself. I don't even know how to deal with my emotions, to be truthful. It's a painful topic and I feel just terrible. I am trying to suppress it all.
- I started dating before mentioned guy when I was nineteen, when I moved out from my childhood home. I.e. this is the first time I am truly alone in my life. I have lived alone for shorter periods of time before, but I always had him on skype or just a phone call away.
And yet, I don't feel too troubled about my future (e.g. career-wise), I'm pretty sure I can find meaning in my life even if I can never find another amazing man or start a family... I am pretty happy if not a little bit bored in this town sometimes... I never had any problems with anxiety before, if not the occasional feelings of guilt and sadness about leaving my family behind to pursue an international career... Which is why I don't know what to think. I sometimes fear this is not anxiety at all, but that I am really going crazy, with some genetic insanity or something. Maybe I should get a flat mate, because I am fine when I'm with people...
Soooooo yeah hoping to get some support and read about other people's stories I guess. Learn as much as I can. Make it stop. Thanks in advance.
I just joined to check this place out and maybe learn something about anxiety. I have, sadly, begun to suffer from it myself a few months ago, and I am a bit upset, confused, scared and unable to see a psychiatrist or anyone as I'm currently living in a country where I don't speak the local language much.
I got my first proper panic attacks in November, triggered by almost fainting after working for 12 hours and not eating. I thought for a moment I was going to die there and then. I lived alone and started panicking about not being able to get help should something terrible happen. I called my ex-fiancé who calmed me down quite well. Not a smart move in the bigger picture I guess, but whatever.
It took me a week or two to get over the anxiety that the panic attacks that would continue the next day at work left me with. Luckily I told my boss I needed to see a doctor, and he gave me sick leave. I was able to stay home, sleep and eat well, relax, go swimming and meet my friends on more casual terms.
I didn't realise what was happening at first. I thought I was going crazy. I freaked out when I lost control of my feelings and emotions. Of course I was really proud of myself for getting over it with 'will power' or whatever you might call it (as opposed to the meds the doctor subscribed me with, I didn't even go get them from the pharmacy). And actually I've been fine since that period, but unfortunately about two weeks ago I have started feeling more or less anxious every now and then, every day. I can't seem to shake it off and it is very annoying indeed. It's so silly, but watching the amazing HBO series True Detective (or rather, reading the reddit thread obsessively) triggered some weird fears. I don't know, being alone in my flat just started giving me the creeps. Stupid ideas that there is an evil spirit in my flat, or that maybe I am supposed to die. AWFUL things! The feeling's been just the same as it was when I was recovering from my panic attacks last year.
I've been trying to read about anxiety, but many of the descriptions don't suit me at all so I feel at a loss. I don't have social phobias. I have been insecure in the past but I am currently more confident in myself than ever before. I've recently started a new job in a new country (it's not the first foreign country I live in so I don't think it's an issue), and it has all gone well despite of the language barrier. I've become good friends with my brilliant coworkers, and with some English speaking locals. I'm doing quite well at my work. I've had some very satisfying one night stands with some lovely men, and I currently have a very nice f*ck buddy. I've started lifting weights and have lost weight. I go out a lot, I go to the gym a lot, I eat out a lot, good and healthy food, I sleep enough... Everything seems to be fine, but I get these anxious periods and moments when I'm alone that I fear it will just drive me crazy.
I suppose it's more than possible that the following factors might have something to do with all this:
- Last year was spent trying to fix my relationship with boyfriend/fiancé of 7-8 years. It failed (in the autumn, before moving here) because of me. He wanted to continue, I didn't. I continue to feel a great amount of guilt, and I am more worried and depressed for him than for myself. I don't even know how to deal with my emotions, to be truthful. It's a painful topic and I feel just terrible. I am trying to suppress it all.
- I started dating before mentioned guy when I was nineteen, when I moved out from my childhood home. I.e. this is the first time I am truly alone in my life. I have lived alone for shorter periods of time before, but I always had him on skype or just a phone call away.
And yet, I don't feel too troubled about my future (e.g. career-wise), I'm pretty sure I can find meaning in my life even if I can never find another amazing man or start a family... I am pretty happy if not a little bit bored in this town sometimes... I never had any problems with anxiety before, if not the occasional feelings of guilt and sadness about leaving my family behind to pursue an international career... Which is why I don't know what to think. I sometimes fear this is not anxiety at all, but that I am really going crazy, with some genetic insanity or something. Maybe I should get a flat mate, because I am fine when I'm with people...
Soooooo yeah hoping to get some support and read about other people's stories I guess. Learn as much as I can. Make it stop. Thanks in advance.