PLEASE HELP, now more than ever

[Srm1135]

I know I've been posting about my anxiety a lot lately. I'm sorry about that. I'm at work right now after suffering a massive attack today, crying, no control over body, vomiting. The Xanax doesn't seem to help the way it used to. I'm not sure if this is a rut I'm going through or this is the way my life is going to be. My wife, God bless her heart, is starting to show signs of frustration as is my mother who is my guardian angle. I need you guys and girls more than ever. I feel like in losing my mind and may have to commit myself. And that is not an option. Again I apologize for posting so much.

[Damaged77]

Hi there! Don't be sorry for posting. Are you doing better???

[tezbag]

There is no need to do that commit yourself unless you have a plan to harm you or others. Try to find a therapist:D After years to months of having daily panic attacks and phobias. I'm finally getting the help I really need.
Learn to not rely on a pill to save you. learn to rely on yourself. I know its hard but breathing treatments do help a crap ton.

[Srm1135]

It so tough this time around. I hate complaining about it. I've just never been this down before. I normally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not seeing it this time.

[butterfly82]

Srm,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I noticed in another post you work at a casino. For me even the thought of going in a casino gives me anxiety, there's no way I could work at one. Do you think maybe that's why? I know it's not always an option to just quit a job, but I did it. I was active duty military and knew my anxiety was getting worse and had the option to end my enlistment so I did...while there was the anxiety of the unknown, I felt so much better, that job created more stress for me and was triggering more panic attacks.

If it's not an option, or you just love your job then let's think of other things to help you through your work day. Do you have a trusted friend you work with who could help talk you through you moments of panic? Is there a quiet place you can retreat to, to have alone time and do some breathing exercises?

Also- have you recently started new medication?

[Applecherry]

Relying on Xanax all the time is not a good idea, it's really best for emergency, and best to take at home before bed. You gotta deal with anxiety in the raw unfortunately that's really the only way that works best, antidepressants help, but the full attacks are something they can't help much with.

Second, don't let your family in on your inner turmoil, they can't help, they don't get it, and what's more, you're scaring them and causing them undo stress, this is yor panic, not theirs. We all make the mistake of scaring loved ones when we have our first freak outs, but over time, you must deal with these things alone. You can only fight this alone.

Try taking time for yourself once a day, just to feel good, even if you don't feel like it at first, just push yourself to a little.

[needtogetwell]

I agree and disagree with Apples reply.

Agree that Xanax is best left for an emergency.
Agree that you need to find time for you and something you enjoy...guilty pleasures if you will.

Not sure that recovery on your own is such a good thing. Yes, you need to wrap your brain around things, but suggestions and understanding of others may just help you find the light switch that turns on the bulb.

One thing that struck me is that with your work, you can't help but be in an environment where sensory overload is a possible trigger to your attacks.

Wondering if another job in the casino where you don't have to be on the floor for hours on end may be an option?

Hang in there, with time you will find what works for you to feel some relief!

Nonetheless we are here for you!
Cheers!
Pam

[Fourteen14]

I agree and disagree with Apples reply. Agree that Xanax is best left for an emergency. Agree that you need to find time for you and something you enjoy...guilty pleasures if you will. Not sure that recovery on your own is such a good thing. Yes, you need to wrap your brain around things, but suggestions and understanding of others may just help you find the light switch that turns on the bulb. One thing that struck me is that with your work, you can't help but be in an environment where sensory overload is a possible trigger to your attacks. Wondering if another job in the casino where you don't have to be on the floor for hours on end may be an option? Hang in there, with time you will find what works for you to feel some relief! Nonetheless we are here for you! Cheers! Pam

I totally agree with you on the family front Pam.

A huge part of the recovery process in mental health is the immediate support network around those suffering.

Social isolation (whether physical or psychological) in most cases can then lead to (or further increase) depression alongside the anxiety.

To add also that it can be highly beneficial to include family in some aspect of therapy, to allow them to gain perspective and help in how they can best support you.

[needtogetwell]

Hang in there, man!

Me too!!! Glad to see you!!:D

[Fourteen14]

My coffee tastes disgusting and I feel sick but these posts are sure helping. Thank you!! :)

Hey 13!

I'm guessing spring is on the way to Alberta? Good news for you......bad news for the skiers ! :)

[needtogetwell]

My coffee tastes disgusting and I feel sick but these posts are sure helping. Thank you!! :)

You are welcome!!!

A little Gravol maybe?

[trinidiva]

Hang in there. Are you on any other meds other than xanax? If not, an SSRI could help you tremendously. If you do already take one, you may need to up your dosage.

I think if you have supportive family, there is no reason to go through this alone. You wouldn't deal with any other disorder or disease prognosis alone if you have family, right? It will be difficult for them to sometimes relate to...but just having an ear to listen helps more than you know.

[Applecherry]

Sharing to a certain point is good, it's healthy... But when you keep having attacks, and you know why you're getting them, then there comes a point when sharing this with loved ones is no longer helpful to either you or them. I speak from experience having had so many freak outs infront of family in the past. The end result was them becoming frustrated, worried, and me feeling horrible for spazzing infront of them. My sister really didn't know what to say other than to tell me to call a hotline!

Share if you're really scared, don't know what to do, but if you know you're dealing with an overload of panic attacks and you know why, it becomes pointless to share on great detail that this is bothering you. Loved ones should not have to be exposed to your circling OCD thoughts, you have to find ways out alone, and you can and will.

I'm not against benzos, but it's never a good idea to use them as a crutch, then you get to a point where you can't deal without them, plus they lose their potency with extended use because your body gets used to them.

They are really best for total emergencies because you need something that will really work to calm you down when you're having too much anxiety.

When it comes to letting it out, it's better to do with doctors, online to anxiety and depression forums like this one... Your spouse, parents, or children will not benefit from your emotional meltdowns, they just won't!

CBT, is proven, the most effective way to deal with anxiety anyway, meds only can do half the work.

[Fourteen14]

Share if you're really scared, don't know what to do, but if you know you're dealing with an overload of panic attacks and you know why, it becomes pointless to share on great detail that this is bothering you. Loved ones should not have to be exposed to your circling OCD thoughts, you have to find ways out alone, and you can and will.


Applecherry

Is this your own experience within your own environment, or professionally sourced advise for someone not in your exact situation?

[rjo1986]

Hell yea don't hide your panic from family or friends or even your boss family should get that it is panick and anxiety and although emotionally troubling physically harmless..hiding it will only trigger more attacks. Especially if your boss knows it kind of takes a little pressure off. Ill straight tell people hey I have a panic disorder so if I freak out or leave it's just that we laugh a little bit about it and that's that. Sometimes people will get pushy about it it's a natural human response I just tell them it's something I gotta deal with on my own by taking a walk or sometimes I have to talk to someone. Hiding it only makes people feel more isolated not a good idea in my opinion but again everyone has opinions and there just that.

[jessed03]

I think this is down to personal choice.

Personally, if it wasn't for this site, I'd never talk about anxiety to anybody. That's just how I am.

For two reasons; everytime I've told somebody, they've thought I was nuts and haven't understood. Secondly, I like anxiety buried in my subconscious. I know everybody's different, so I don't wanna recommend that as a theory to anyone, but I feel by talking about anxiety, it somehow validates it. It's a sensation to me. It's gonna pass, that's fact. Why do I wanna go strengthening that negative neuro pathway by talking about it, and giving it time and energy?

If I do wanna be someone when I'm stressed, I just say, 'I'm not feeling so good right now'. That usually allows me time and space to be a bit moody.

I can see why someone would wanna talk about it though. It can be frightening and lonely. Hard to understand too.

I'm probably quite biased, as my family have had so many of their own issues. Dad's an alcoholic, mum has her own anxiety problem. :)

[jessed03]

And to the original poster SRM...

You say you've read all the books.... Did anything in them resonate with you? Have you ever been able to connect with any technique or therapy? Sometimes the work load to change can be monumental, and hard to see through. Wondering if that's ever happened, whether you've had good periods and then reverted back to old ways, or whether it's just been year after year of brutality with no amount of therapy or technique working?

[needtogetwell]

It so tough this time around. I hate complaining about it. I've just never been this down before. I normally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not seeing it this time.

How are you feeling today? Any better, even if it is just a tiny bit?

Don't let our differing opinions put you off.

We all have different life experiences, but don't loose sight of the fact that we TOTALLY understand where you are, it is tough.

We would all like you to see a flicker of something good! Your wife's smile, your moms hug? That tip that a player left you? Nice gesture. Look hard for something good, no matter how small it may be! There is always something!

Build on each small thing, it will come. Be kind and forgiving of yourself.

There is an end to this tunnel you are in, and maybe by the time you reached it you will have some more inner strength you didn't know you had!

:)
Pam

[Srm1135]

How are you feeling today? Any better, even if it is just a tiny bit? Don't let our differing opinions put you off. We all have different life experiences, but don't loose sight of the fact that we TOTALLY understand where you are, it is tough. We would all like you to see a flicker of something good! Your wife's smile, your moms hug? That tip that a player left you? Nice gesture. Look hard for something good, no matter how small it may be! There is always something! Build on each small thing, it will come. Be kind and forgiving of yourself. There is an end to this tunnel you are in, and maybe by the time you reached it you will have some more inner strength you didn't know you had! :) Pam

Thank you for all your support. I made it through work last night barely. I had to be taken off my table for 30mins to sit down in a cold room. I woke up today much like any other day in sheer terror.

Yesterday I took a total of 3.25mg of Xanax. I don't know if it really helped or not. I'm teetering on going back to my Ativan but increasing the dosage. I think I had better results with it. As a matter of fact I just took 2mg of Ativan. I'm going to see how it works. PLEASE, if you have any suggestions between the two meds I'm all ears.

Ps. Thanks for checking on me Pam

[rjo1986]

That's actually a good question how long ago did u stop taking benzos..I'm not a pharmacist or a doctor but that's what started or triggered my episodes was bad reaction to certain drugs like zoloft my dad had the same problem stopped taking one medication couple weeks Later three Him into uncontrollable panic attacks three or four times a day.. Body chemistry is a tricky thing and sometimes in that case a person should be in a behavioral hospital simply to be monitored while medication is being regulated like if you were to stop everything and start fresh with a different treatment plan. Btw to certain people on here if there was a certain cure or remedy by the book nobody would suffer from anxiety I wish people would keep in mind the only reason any of us are here is because we all suffer with it..and peoples opinions should be respected there really is no right or wrong answer is mostly trial and error to find something that works at that persons discretion. Anyway man maybe hospital isn't a bad idea just to get back on track with meds and be monitored while doing so plus could help with the stress factor of work while doing it. One thing at a time. Good luck man lmk what works.

[needtogetwell]

Thank you for all your support. I made it through work last night barely. I had to be taken off my table for 30mins to sit down in a cold room. I woke up today much like any other day in sheer terror. Yesterday I took a total of 3.25mg of Xanax. I don't know if it really helped or not. I'm teetering on going back to my Ativan but increasing the dosage. I think I had better results with it. As a matter of fact I just took 2mg of Ativan. I'm going to see how it works. PLEASE, if you have any suggestions between the two meds I'm all ears. Ps. Thanks for checking on me Pam

Srm, sorry you are still in a rough space. But I am glad you made it through your shift even with a break! That is a win!!!!

I wonder if it may be a good idea for you to look into some therapy and maybe some longer acting meds.

The Ativan and Xanax you have are fine short term, they do however work for only a short time. If you are going to stay with the Benzos then Valium may be a better option since it tends to work for a longer period of time.

Keep in mind with benzodiazepines, you can build up a tolerance for them and require more to do the job that only a little used to do.

Make an appointment with your doctor for your soonest day off. Please make this step, it could be your way out of the dark and into the light. Tell him everything, don't hold back. He may have some useful guidance to get you on your way!

I'm hoping your day goes better.
Please keep posting, we are here to help!

Pam

[anxietycat]

Pam is right- they are only short acting and research says that they can make you feel worse the day after or cause some people to feel down.

I read your story and think, "wow what a cool job". I guess we're all different. Do you work every night? I just think it would be awesome to live in Vegas. Do you like living there?

[Fourteen14]

........................................

[Dahila]

Not sharing with the family and loved one, what we are going though is just plain STUPID.

Man share, and she is with you for better and worse, and she is your anchor now. I just can not imagine how your post would hurt her feelings. We all are in the place you are now. Share with loved ones so they can understand and support you. You will get better....

Family does not have to understand, they will stand by you because they are family and they love you :)

[Srm1135]

I slept for over 24 hours yesterday. Major breakdown. Woke up today feeling worse than ever. I think it's time to get committed. I can't live like this anymore.

[butterfly82]

I slept for over 24 hours yesterday. Major breakdown. Woke up today feeling worse than ever. I think it's time to get committed. I can't live like this anymore.

I'm sorry SRM--but do what you feel is best to get you better. Take care of yourself. I'm cheering you on, you'll get through this and everything will be ok :)

[needtogetwell]

I slept for over 24 hours yesterday. Major breakdown. Woke up today feeling worse than ever. I think it's time to get committed. I can't live like this anymore.

Srm, this is the meds mess you have going on! Please look to your other thread and my reply about your meds. And the reply from Forwells.

We are with you on this!hang on!!!!

Pam

[trinidiva]

I slept for over 24 hours yesterday. Major breakdown. Woke up today feeling worse than ever. I think it's time to get committed. I can't live like this anymore.

Hey....hang in there! Im just kind of jumping in on this post...but you DO have support here from all of us.....get on here and write or chat as much as you need to. As terrible as anxiety feels, remember you wont die from it.....you just have to get through this bad wave. I remember someone writing on here once that having anxiety is like being afloat on an ocean. Sometimes the waters are calm and life is good and sometimes there is a storm, and the waters (life) are rough...but storms dont last forever. Please hang in there. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, do it! Anxiety can make you feel absolutely horrible but you will and can get through this rough period of time in your life.