How has your anxiety affected your romantic life?

[DimpledDevil]

I'm just curious what everyone's experiences about how their anxiety impacts their love life? I feel like for me it's been a huge obstacle. I've always suffered from low-self esteem and low confidence so during my teenage years I've always felt like I was unattractive and that no man would ever love me. I was incredibly jealous of girls who had boyfriends and wonder why not me.

I have had boys interested in me but never was able to have that "relationship." Once I graduated high school and reached college I was in many ways a little more confident, but my lack of experience made me question myself which in turn looking back probably led me to second guess myself and miss out on guys who may have been interested.

Now I'm 30 and although I have dated men here and there I've been on many first dates, a few second dates, and maybe one or 2 third dates. I get very uneasy around men and convince myself that they don't want to be with me because of my lack of experience. Although I've been told by many that I'm pretty I keep telling myself that they can be with someone prettier, younger, skinnier, less neurotic, more sexy... Sometimes I think I'll never settle down and get married.

I'm currently talking to a guy with long term potential. It's a very unique situation. He currently lives 12 hours away. I am planning on trying to move back near him (because that is where my family lives). In the meantime we have been talking twice a week on the phone since October and have met up a few times while I was visiting family in December. We are planning on trying to pursue a relationship when I get home and I'm terrified. He seems REALLY into me which I don't understand. Sometimes he tries to be cute and flirty and my mouth just goes dry and I don't know to respond. Although I want a relationship the idea of having my first one at this stage of my life is paralyzing. Can anyone else relate?

[Ponder]

I think people place to much emphasis on this or that when it comes to relationships and that alone add to the anxiety. If It was meant to be, it just happened and when things fucked up, that too was meant to be. I never went looking for it, because it only ever made the pursuit that more uncomfortable. When I stopped looking, it all just fell into place. Location, family, job, money, and all that jaz had absolutely Zero do to with any of the women I ended up with ... and thank &*%$ for that! I met my wife in a Pub ... 23 years later ... where still at each others throats.

Ahahahahahaaaaa ... just kidding. My anxiety was something that only came about when I worried about money, family, location, and all that other bullshit ... as too what type of girl I wanted, how tall, how big, what size this or that, her job, how much money ... once I started with all that BS ... well ... actually I never did ...

Given I had no real expectation other than gravity itself - I found any girl that was attracted to me rather a blessing and went with that. Despite me lack of ambition I had no trouble attracting others - one can have confidence without BS standards - I must admit though ... I ended with a a few too many kids. Hahaha ...

Don't think too hard about it ... your still young ... ride with that.

Good Luck.

[KIKI74]

i get it! i often thought that i was damaged and not worthy of having a relationship. it is harder with anxiety since you tend to have that flight mechanism....in m case, i used to spend a lot of time hiding it from my BF....it would be hard since I am also agoraphobic in the sense that I don't travel and he loves too. So its a challenge for sure. may i ask if he is aware of the fact that you have anxiety? all i can say is baby steps, do't overthink this either, take it one step at a time.

p.s. i am sure you have lots to offer, we just see ourselves with anxiety goggles!

[acetone]

Due to anxiety I have no life let alone social life.

[DimpledDevil]

Thanks Kiki. He knows that I have had issues with anxiety in the past but I may have downplayed how bad it is. I was honestly doing okay until about a month ago and the last few weekends have been just awful. When I talked to him on Friday he knew I was down but I didn't want to tell him why because I was embarassed. He understood but I'm so scared if I told him I'd scare him off. Or that he!'do think I was stupid.

[Salts]

Thanks Kiki. He knows that I have had issues with anxiety in the past but I may have downplayed how bad it is. I was honestly doing okay until about a month ago and the last few weekends have been just awful. When I talked to him on Friday he knew I was down but I didn't want to tell him why because I was embarassed. He understood but I'm so scared if I told him I'd scare him off. Or that he!'do think I was stupid.
In situations like this, I try to turn the tables and imagine the other person coming to me and telling me what I'm afraid to tell them. What I mean is that, for example, in your situation, I would try to imagine what it would be like if you noticed that he seemed down and then confided in you that he was feeling really anxious about your relationship for exactly the reasons you described in this thread. Do you think you would be scared off by him or think he's being stupid? Somehow, I doubt it. ;)

I think you should tell him why you're feeling down, because I think he would probably react the same way to you telling him what you've told all of us as you would react to him telling you the same thing - and wouldn't you want to know why he was feeling blue and help him through it, if he was?

In any case, I can definitely relate to your situation. I'm a naturally shy and reserved person, which combined with my anxiety makes my opportunities with women very few and far between. And those few opportunities aren't likely to turn out well for me. I'm 25 and don't consider anything I've ever had with a woman to be a relationship. I've been on dates with a few girls, but nothing's ever lasted for more than a couple weeks. It sucks. I don't always feel lonely, but when I do, it hits me like a ton of bricks because I feel completely helpless and powerless to do anything about it.

Good luck with this guy. I really hope things work out well for you two! :)

[KIKI74]

Thanks Kiki. He knows that I have had issues with anxiety in the past but I may have downplayed how bad it is. I was honestly doing okay until about a month ago and the last few weekends have been just awful. When I talked to him on Friday he knew I was down but I didn't want to tell him why because I was embarassed. He understood but I'm so scared if I told him I'd scare him off. Or that he!'do think I was stupid.

not easy being honest because some folks still don't understand it fully and the impact. maybe what you cna do is send him some really good articles on what is anxiety. I have done this in the past and found it helpful

[Red942]

I'm just curious what everyone's experiences about how their anxiety impacts their love life? I feel like for me it's been a huge obstacle. I've always suffered from low-self esteem and low confidence so during my teenage years I've always felt like I was unattractive and that no man would ever love me. I was incredibly jealous of girls who had boyfriends and wonder why not me.

I have had boys interested in me but never was able to have that "relationship." Once I graduated high school and reached college I was in many ways a little more confident, but my lack of experience made me question myself which in turn looking back probably led me to second guess myself and miss out on guys who may have been interested.

Now I'm 30 and although I have dated men here and there I've been on many first dates, a few second dates, and maybe one or 2 third dates. I get very uneasy around men and convince myself that they don't want to be with me because of my lack of experience. Although I've been told by many that I'm pretty I keep telling myself that they can be with someone prettier, younger, skinnier, less neurotic, more sexy... Sometimes I think I'll never settle down and get married.

I'm currently talking to a guy with long term potential. It's a very unique situation. He currently lives 12 hours away. I am planning on trying to move back near him (because that is where my family lives). In the meantime we have been talking twice a week on the phone since October and have met up a few times while I was visiting family in December. We are planning on trying to pursue a relationship when I get home and I'm terrified. He seems REALLY into me which I don't understand. Sometimes he tries to be cute and flirty and my mouth just goes dry and I don't know to respond. Although I want a relationship the idea of having my first one at this stage of my life is paralyzing. Can anyone else relate?

TO me my anxiety made have no girlfriend in my life and I am 26

[kristydani]

I am very grateful that my anxiety hasn't dramatically affected my love-life (or lack thereof). I'm now 19 and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 17. I really believe that if a guy is genuinely interested in you he will pursue you despite any problems you have going on, and as other users have said - if it's meant to be it will work out. I usually find that I am able to contain my anxiety around guys my own age, but I get REALLY nervous and uncomfortable around older guys for some reason.

[Gbn]

Hi.

I can easily related to your situation.

I have a very limited social life, have of course met people in school and now at work, but privately, I don't see many people. And I rarely go out in the weekends. Which all in all means, that it is pretty hard for me to meet a girl. I have had girl friends, but that was when I was still in school and it was a bit easier to meet people. I'm 31 now and it's been 6 years since my last relationship.
I have been on a few dates during the last couple of years. But first off, my anxiety and depression makes me feel quite exhausted, which means I'm boring to go on a date with, and I suspect that's part of the reason that I haven't been past the second time more than a few times. No matter how much I want to be lively and energetic when going on a date, my mental batteries are just dead.
I've tried twice during the last 6 years to get to a stage where we visited each others places and got physical. But my medicine hampers my sex drive, so that didn't really work either, and that in turn have made me not want to go there again, which means as long as I am on medicine, I probably won't ever go that far again, which makes a bit hard to ever get serious with a girl.

I can't give you much advice really. But at least you know I can relate and sympathize with you :)

Good luck with it :)

[Zena]

Ha, what romantic life? I don't even know what that means.

[JohnC]

I can relate to everything that you guy's are posting. I have had anxiety for a very long time. I never went to one school dance or prom and never had much of a romantic sorta of story book "love life" I married a nice young lady that I met in school but it was one of those things that was a mutual mistake and we seperated twoo weeks befor our first aniv. and eventually got a divorce. ( I think she couldent handel the anxiety, IDK ). Any how I think Ponder hit the nail on the head when he said You stop worrying abot it and it seems to fall into place and like Ponder I ended up with a few to many kids, lol and yes I love all three of them. Now look, I went from the time I was 20 untill 36 years old befor I had ANY real relationship.
You all will meet the right person and when you do you will know it and that person will understand the anxiety and still love you.
One small piece of advice.... Kids are awsome but they sure do add to the anxiety, you worry about them, you give them lots of money and you worry about them etc. etc. BUT they are so great too!!!!

[bryang17]

Hey DimpledDevil,
I think that you are doing the right thing by not giving in, but there is an underlining issue here. Your low self-esteem can help trigger your anxiety or vice versa; it has happened to me which ended up affecting my social and romantic life. A method which I use can help. Find the root of the problem, (lack of experience which causes anxiety and low self-esteem). You shouldn't be so focused on that. You already have positive reinforcement,(people complement you and realize that you're pretty). Take that and run with it. You have to bombard your mind with positive affirmations. Over time subconsciously, you will believe and it will reflect by your actions.

[Nec]

My romantic life was completely affected by social phobia(anxiety). I had it since I was 7. Now I'm 22 and I never had a girlfriend. My self-esteem and confidence is too low and my anxiety is a lot stronger around girls. Wish I could beat social phobia.

[Lbrettashley]

I'm sorry I am posting on here, but for some reason, since I am new, it is not allowing me to post a new thread.

I am looking for some honest answers, although what I am about to say is rather weird.

In a way, it is affecting my romantic relationships as well.

I suffer from bipolar disorder, anxiety, OCD, and intrusive thoughts. Mostly intrusive thoughts that I can't beat and won't go away. Every couple of months it is something new and something weird. First I'll think my family hates me and do everything to justify that, then I'll think I'm getting fired from work and not be able to concentrate at work (and it did cost me my job a few times), etc. Lately, it's been something quite different...

All my life (I am 26), I have been obsessed with men. From kindergarden having a boy walk me to class, to middle school writing boys names on my arms and through college holding lasting relationships. I found beauty in so many males and I guess many would call me "boy crazy" in a kind of obnoxious way. I have never once had butterfly feelings or any sexual thoughts toward a woman. My intrusive thought right now is that I might be turning lesbian. I don't know where it came from. I woke up one morning and BOOM, there it was: I might be a lesbian. Nothing brought it on, and ever since then I have been looking at everything in my life and trying to justify how this might be so. I have little interest in sex with my boyfriend now (I am on a lot of medication that may be causing this) -- but why does my mind automatically go to "I must like women then?"

My therapist says it is all fantasy. You can't just BE a lesbian without ever having experienced it before. It's all manifested inside of my head and I am making up situations and pretending I MIGHT like it and dwelling on it. I am obsessing over it and CONVINCING myself that I am -- driving myself crazy. My boyfriend has also said that he might propose soon and maybe that is scaring me and my body is trying to "run away." I have no idea. I have no idea what is going on.

Can someone just tell me, after 26 years and no conflict of ever being attracted to a woman, if you can "turn into" a lesbian overnight?

Thanks.

[superchick22684]

I'm just curious what everyone's experiences about how their anxiety impacts their love life? I feel like for me it's been a huge obstacle. I've always suffered from low-self esteem and low confidence so during my teenage years I've always felt like I was unattractive and that no man would ever love me. I was incredibly jealous of girls who had boyfriends and wonder why not me.

I have had boys interested in me but never was able to have that "relationship." Once I graduated high school and reached college I was in many ways a little more confident, but my lack of experience made me question myself which in turn looking back probably led me to second guess myself and miss out on guys who may have been interested.

Now I'm 30 and although I have dated men here and there I've been on many first dates, a few second dates, and maybe one or 2 third dates. I get very uneasy around men and convince myself that they don't want to be with me because of my lack of experience. Although I've been told by many that I'm pretty I keep telling myself that they can be with someone prettier, younger, skinnier, less neurotic, more sexy... Sometimes I think I'll never settle down and get married.

I'm currently talking to a guy with long term potential. It's a very unique situation. He currently lives 12 hours away. I am planning on trying to move back near him (because that is where my family lives). In the meantime we have been talking twice a week on the phone since October and have met up a few times while I was visiting family in December. We are planning on trying to pursue a relationship when I get home and I'm terrified. He seems REALLY into me which I don't understand. Sometimes he tries to be cute and flirty and my mouth just goes dry and I don't know to respond. Although I want a relationship the idea of having my first one at this stage of my life is paralyzing. Can anyone else relate?

How has anxiety affected my love life? Well in the last 6 months it has made it quite difficult. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year and my anxiety had gotten worse more recently. Prior to dating him I had a relationship that lasted two months. That relationship was completely ruined by my anxiety. Long story short the guy just didn't understand my anxiety, didn't want to understand it and probably just thought I was "crazy."

Right now to deal with the anxiety I'm back in therapy and we are hoping that this will help some of the problems that I have been experiencing. Some days is a truly a struggle to keep myself from getting too stressed out/anxious because I know that it is stressful for him to see me that way. Its not easy to be in a relationship and have anxiety.