Any Advice or Help...Feeling Hopeless

[OnTheEdge]

So I've had anxiety and panic attacks for a couple years now. I used drugs pretty heavily for a few years prior to the onset my anxiety. One day after consuming copious amounts of crack cocaine and spice (synthetic marijuana) I had what I thought was an over-dose. Some time after I figured out I had my first panic attack combined with a strange reaction to the spice. I was convinced I was dying sitting in my bedroom floor on a roller-coaster feeling like I was fighting to maintain consciousness and stay alive. Well, needless to say I survived. I walked out of the hospital with no idea what laid ahead. Months went by before I finally got blindsided by another panic attack. I had no idea what was going on and the doctors still hadn't diagnosed me. I went back to the hospital again. They gave me fluids and some meds to calm me down. They attributed my symptoms to dehydration. My third attack and final trip to the hospital they finally got it right. After that, I spent a year and a half on 40mg of celexa, 25mg of metoprolol (1/2 in the am 1/2 in the pm), and .25mg of Xanax as needed. After learning to understand the attacks and how to cope I decided I didn't want to be medicated anymore. Under my doctors supervision I weaned off all my meds. I was feeling pretty well having been off the meds around 6 months without issue. I got a cold around the beginning of February this year. Two weeks later I developed a case of BPPV (vertigo). Since getting this everything has gone haywire. I feel like something is seriously wrong with me. I do what I guess a lot of us do, spending countless hours researching different conditions trying to label whatever is going on. So as of right now, I'm experiencing dizziness, stiff-neck, occasional acute pains in my head and nausea. I've supposedly always had a muscle knot in my neck which I suppose is the primary cause of my neck stiffness. I got myself so worked up a couple days ago I went to the hospital and feigned a couple extra symptoms to get them to give me a CT scan. It came back normal so that fear was put to rest. In many ways I firmly believe my anxiety is causing the symptoms but for some reason I worry the doctors are missing something. I've had the vertigo since Valentines and I admit I have days that I feel great. But the days I feel bad are horribly debilitating. Rereading this I realize how ridiculous I sound, but its so difficult for me to control. Can anyone else relate or offer any advice? I feel like I'm going crazy and or turning into a hypochondriac.

[jessed03]

Have you considered going back on the meds?

Valentines day was almost a month ago, that's a long time to have vertigo if it's mental health related. Depends how frequently you get it. I've had that symptom, I guess most have to be fair, but it's horrible. Hard to live life with it there.

You could try a natural antidepressant; St Johns Wort, which works like Celexa. Prescribed a lot in Europe as an antidepressant, but without the junk, and without the withdrawal problem.

I can understand that you wanna be med free after just getting off. Have you spent time learning about hypochondria, the same way you did learning about your anxiety attacks? That seemed a pretty successful method.

Hypochondria in a nutshell, is your fight or flight mechanism still activated, but reacting to a different stimulus, in a different way, compared to before.

It's useful! but outdated.

In the past if you believed you were being hunted, you'd spot a little bush and flinch thinking it's a wolf when your fight or flight was activated.

Now a similar thing is happening, only your attention is focused inwards. You're spotting something as harmless as perhaps a headache, or a skipped heart beat and flinching.

Part of the battle is disactivating your fight or flight response, and that means taking care of your amygdala. No stressing it out! Anxious Amygdalas rarely recover in the face of stress. And I know you know it's wrong, but that's what you're doing searching things :)

You've gotta stop it. There's no way around that. That's gotta be the first place you begin. That alone will make a considerable dent in your anxiety condition.

I know it's hard, but it's important.

The problem many of us face, is we compare our symptoms to how they were and judge our progress on that. That's one way of going about it, but can be a little sjort sighted. Just because the fight or flight is turned down, doesn't mean it's off and we're out of the woods. If we go back to stressing behavious, it just steadily climbs back up again.

Even though attacks cease, work still needs to be done.

Daily relaxation is also good for overall stress levels, and pleases the amygdala. (Yep, amygdalas a brat). Anything from meditation, to massages to progressive relaxation.

[ab123]

Hey there, I am proud of you for trying to get off the meds. Seems like you are in tune with your body. I agree with jesse, maybe trying natural options for a while, or really if it comes down to it...go back on the meds..and spend time researching hypochondria..and not diseases.

[OnTheEdge]

Thank you two so much for your replies. I've been sitting here reading other posts since writing mine. I'm strongly considering resuming medication. As opposed as I am to it, anything beats feeling this way. I'm only hesitant due to having been dependent on substances for so long before. For once, I'd just like to be chemical free. Luckily, I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon. I think I will bring up Lexapro and see what my doc thinks.

Partially I feel the BPPV is whats causing the anxiety and when it subsides the anxiety will as well. As to my BPPV, opinions seem to vary on its duration. Coincidentally I have an ex-girlfriend that was diagnosed with it a few years back. She claims it stuck with her for about 7 weeks. I had already decided to follow up with the doctor again for blood work anyway. So I will definitely be asking him if he thinks its wise to start meds again or wait and see if things improve when the BPPV runs its course.

As to St Johns Wort, I do prefer the holistic approach. I'm also a firm believer in meditation and acupuncture as well.

I know I'm guilty of scaring myself. I was partially convinced I had a brain tumor and or meningitis. It is so hard to just sit idle and accept a benign diagnosis for something that feels so severely abnormal. However, it is understandable that continually stressing would provoke my anxiety and ultimately incite other symptoms. I'm sure it doesn't help that my personal life is a powder keg. I have a difficult living situation with a few other people and I've been unemployed for awhile. The lack of funds and multiple personalities (one very insensitive to my situation) in my home makes it very difficult to find peace. It's also hard to feel well enough to resume work feeling the way I do. I will however try much harder to avoid googling my symptoms. I've heard countless stories on how hazardous this is to anxiety sufferers and I think I can say without a doubt its definitely not good for me.

[ab123]

I have the dizzy spells too now. And if it is bppv. There is something called the epley maneuver you can do to stop it. Look it up on YouTube. Hey we've all been there with the googling of the symptoms. Heck I'm doing it right now, But I have a whole other set of things going on right now, and Google doesn't freak me out it just gives me somewhere to start.

[OnTheEdge]

Its funny you say that, it starts that way for me as well. Somehow it always seems to backfire on me though. I understand what you're saying. I've got many irons in the fire that effect my overall situation as well. I wish you well conquering your "other set of things".

I've tried a few different "maneuvers" to no avail. I don't believe I've tried that specific one though. I'll look it up and give it a shot, nothing to lose.

[ab123]

That specific one Is supposed to have a 90 percent cure rate!! So try it!I need to try it But I'm so dizzy I need help. And my poor hubby doesn't quite know how to help lol

[OnTheEdge]

I'll give it a go and let you know if I'm part of the 90%.

[ab123]

Please let me know.I may try it too

[rhar]

I get the dizzy spells too.. They freak meout and used to send me off into a panic attack but I have gotten better at managing it.
My dizziness isn't like if you spin around dizzy tho, it's Avery unusual feeling in my brain. Like I am drunk or my rains swimming in water. It makes ithardfodmy vision to focus and I feel very unbalanced on my feet, like I might pass out. I used to have it 24/7 and now they come maybe 2-3 times a day.

I am trying to accept it's anxiety as it's been 2 years now and nothing more has escalated or happened. However I still have thoughts of "maybe it's brain cancer or a tumor, or MS the list goes on" I know those are the thoughts keeping it alive so I am working so hard on changing that. It's a bloody long process.

Ps I don't and haven't ever taken meds apart from Valium once.

[OnTheEdge]

Well, my doctor thinks my anxiety is the key component of all my symptoms. We discussed lexapro which he agreed was a good idea. I've noticed a foggy/pressure feeling that seems to exacerbate my anxiety. Oddly enough I take an 800mg dose of ibuprofen and a .25mg xanax and I'll feel great for around 24 hours. He also mentioned the anxiety may be perpetuating the vertigo. So from the sounds of it I will be seeing if lexapro is as great as people say. I sincerely hope that it is!

The dizziness has caused a lot of panic for me. I don't notice mine in less I'm making an abrupt upward head movement to the left. Admittedly I've grown more accustomed to it after dealing with it for a month now. If it were just the dizziness I think my only concern would be its duration. Rhar, I would also liken mine to a peculiar feeling in my brain. I also feel like I have issues focusing time to time. During my panic attacks I often feel on the verge of passing out as well. I have experienced everything you're describing to the letter. It amazes me how deeply anxiety can effect our mind's and body's. Accepting medication as a necessity may be the largest hurdle for me. My doc said in his personal experience it is very common for his patients to ween off meds, be ok for a few months, only to end up returning saying they need their meds back. That being said I'm just going to accept it. I can't see unnecessarily suffering just because I'm too stubborn to take one little pill a day. I'd much rather focus on happily living than suffering just to be chemical free.

Oh, ab123, I fell asleep last night without trying that maneuver. My doctor must know nothing about it because he doesn't mention it and acted like I was crazy when I did. I will still give it a try anyway. I just hope it doesn't make anything worse. While its currently an annoyance, I'd hate to make it intolerable.

[rhar]

It's such an odd feeling that I get in my head.

[rhar]

It's like dizzy but also feels like OFI keep my head still that my brain is swimming/floating. It's so annoying

[OnTheEdge]

Different verbiage, I think of mine as a cloudy or foggy feeling.

[JLBnole68]

You mentioned you got a head cold in February. Did it linger for a while? The reason I ask is because I've had sinus issues since getting what I thought was a cold. I've had bouts with the dizziness / vertigo as well. It's possible you could have an ear infection or drainage into the inner ear. Not saying that's definitely what it is, as anxiety or coming off meds can trigger vertigo as well. However, just mentioning this as that particular symptom could possibly have nothing to do with anxiety. Honestly, inner ear fluid or infections can linger for a long time, even after other respiratory symptoms have subsided. Just something to consider. Even anxious people do get sick with real physical causes, so I'd hate to think something very treatable might be passed off simply as anxiety.

[rhar]

Different verbiage, I think of mine as a cloudy or foggy feeling.

Do you mean vertigo?

[OnTheEdge]

No I was referring to your comment of feeling like your brain is swimming/floating. What you're describing could be vertigo though granted you're also feeling off balance. You should have your doctor check it out. The vertigo has really caused my anxiety to flare as it makes me very uncomfortable.

I had the cold very briefly. I went to the doctor for it and he prescribed an antibiotic. I've asked if he felt an infection could be the root cause and he says no. I've hoped it would be something mundane I could get cleared up easily and quickly, but its turning into a drawn out voyage. I haven't had any symptoms I would attribute to a cold for awhile. All I can do at this point is trust my doctor because when I don't my panic gets out of hand.

[OnTheEdge]

I thought I'd post a progress report. I'm only 5 days into the medication and already notice a difference. The anxiety and panic are minimal. The first 3 days I was taking xanax to help edge down my nerves but now I'm just taking a multivitamin and the lexapro in the mornings. While I feel great in regards to the anxiety I'm still maintaining the dizziness. I have to say its a bit off putting and annoying. If I could get rid of it I'd say I was back to 100%. I guess the main thing to be taken away from my ordeal is not to shy away from the meds. Regardless to my apprehensions, I do prefer to feel better as opposed to feeling like crap. One very small pill a day is worth the sacrifice.

[CNCguy11]

Pretty much in the same boat here, friend. Took anxiety meds all through high school, weaned myself off until completely off of them. Now, 21, I went to the ER last month thinking I had an anyeurysm or something, they did a CT scan and all the fixins, but found nothing. I'm back on the meds now, but I still feel the doctors are missing something. I HAVE to stay away from google. Its an instant attack waiting to happen. Every day is a struggle, but hopefully it will get better. I feel your pain, I really do..

[OnTheEdge]

Indeed, webmd and google are no good for anxiety sufferers. Embrace the meds and settle in for the long haul. When I told the ER doctor I had weened off celexa she looked at me like I was crazy. She asserted I would need to be on something for anxiety for the rest of my life. I don't know why, but that statement really bothered me. I definitely relate, its often hard to believe its all in your head.