Where to begin!!!

[forgiveandforget1995]

Hey everyone!! I hope everybody is doing well, I came on here to set things straight. You may know me as Kyle, Matthew, Charley etc. Well my real name is Kyle. Not so long ago I did something really Fucked up and idiotic and I hurt a lot of good people on here. I made a thread saying that I wanted to kill myself because of how I was feeling during the time, many people thought it was a hoax and That I'm a troll. That is not true, I made the thread at the time due to there being a lot of problems in my personal life, I had a huge arguement with my mother at the time, I didn't see my dad for weeks and I was missing him. I am 18 years old, I have had depression and Anxiety since I was 15. Everything I told you was true. However a few hours after I had made that thread, I was bored and I had a fake account named charley/Matthew, I did a stupid idiotic thing and I trolled the forum and went too far, I have no idea why I did it, I know it's fucked up and I am reallyyy reallyy sorry!!! I hurt a lot of good people on this forum Eman, Ashlee, Ashly, Jesse, Amy, Nixon, Frankie, Forwells, etc I did say some mean things, I was not thinking clearly.
I do have constant suicidal thoughts and I have tried killing myself before but I should have never made a thread talking about it, It's hard to explain How I feel. Because it's the Internet people just think I'm a troll, I got hurt too at the time and snapped at the people for accusing me of being a troll the whole time when I knew I wasn't. This Matthew guy does sometimes say shit to me but because of how badly I was hurting at the time with the relationship between me and my mother, I decided to make the account. It kinda seems like a blur to me now, I have been checking the forum here and there and I have noticed that there have been some other trolls (Not me, The charley one was mine and that's it) I'm not expecting anyone on here to forgive me and I'm sorry I fucked up badly, I decided to come on here today to make amends because deep down I feel guilty for what I did. I hate knowing that I hurt people, I know it's the Internet but I don't want to be known as a troll, I want to make a clean fresh start and help people like so many good people had helped me. I feel really bad for what I said to Ashlee, me and her fell out after I had made the thread and hours later I made a facebook saying things to her because Jesse had told me that she was saying things about me. I'm not blaming Jesse. Jesse is a cool dude and I respect him for putting up with my retarded ass. I have recently been feeling much more relaxed than I have been in the past 6 months, I'm finally feeling happier. I have my moments. I just want to apologise to everybody, Anxiety and depression is not easy and I didn't want to make everybody else worried because they had their own problems. I admit I am a bit immature and I am a very sensitive guy.
I'm sorry to everyone out there who had seen my thread a few weeks ago, No more trolling, I was just at my lowest point ever, and I just want to ask for forgiveness, My dad leaving me was just the hardest thing for me and I found it difficult. I'm sorry if this is not very good, I just want to wish you all the very best and I hope that maybe I can learn from my silly mistakes. Feel free to bash me I totally deserve it, just understand though that I never intended for this to happen. Love and peace my friends. Deep down I am a peaceful guy and do not wish harm on anyone, I just made a terrible mistake and I hope you can forgive me, if not I understand.

[needtogetwell]

Mixed feelings here.

I wasn't involved in this but it is my opinion.

We operate on blind faith and trust with what we do here. It is with that that we open our hearts and share our experiences with total strangers. We wouldn't be able to do what we do so effectively otherwise.

Trust has been bruised, if not completely shattered for some.

I am willing to try with this person, but understand that many of my replies will likely be guarded, never being quite sure if this is a put on.

He is young, he has owned up to this mess, he has issues, he has a life ahead of him which he deserves a chance to get on a good path and really live.

One condition for me. If I feel like I'm being screwed with, I'm done.

My ten cents worth.

[NixonRulz]

Kyle - you must really like it here

You said some pretty harsh stuff but I believe you are being sincere

I have no time in my life to put energy into holding a grudge

I accept your apology and all is forgiven with me

[em1]

We all get very down days and we have all done silly things,no one is perfect,life is about making mistakes and giving second chances,yes you have hurt loads of people and them you have to make a mends with,but to punish you in top of what your going through will not help,i hope you find what your looking for

[NeverToo...Fear]

Kyle, I do have to say that I was not expecting you to come back, let alone apologize for what you did on here. It's hard for one to forgive when they truly put an emotional interest in you and believed you. I and others were hurt by what you did. I felt betrayed in a way and it really made me not want to put so much time and thought into my heartfelt replies.. It wasn't right what you did; I think you know that, and yeah, sure you are human, but humans evolve! Remember that. And the best I can hope for is that you've learned from this and you will not do it to other people.

But Nixon is very right; There will be no energy wasted in holding a grudge. I do not have any time for negativity in my life. So ultimately I do forgive, but I do NOT forget. There is no bitterness from me whatsoever here, but I'm not in for being fooled twice. I do really wish you well in your life, Kyle. And I'm sorry for what you are/have been dealing with, but I'm glad that you are doing better.

[Enduronman]

Kyle,

I doesn't take words to hurt people, deceitful, misleading, uninspiring, conspiring, behaviors is what hurt people here and that list could go on and on,..without using words.
I think, as Forwells has stated, you've got balls to come back around here and man up to what you did..you just didn't realize the chaos that ensued...
It was like the Forums were left devastated and everyone left standing around in the Squad..wondering wtf just happened and who else can we then trust?...
We trust each other, we openly give the trust needed to conduct such a place anyway..with soooo many people and soooo many problems, other then your own....
We ALLLLLLL have problems, but none of us, mislead, another......You kinda broke that bridge of trust and you know it, Hence: Forgive and Forget....
No one will ever forget,..but considering that we are all human, it is possible for us to forgive but our walls are now up to protect us from further damage and harm.....
It's up to YOU to figure out, how to get them to come back down..using your mental powers for good rather than for childish, immature, bullshit...
I think, you're alot smarter than that which you lead us all to believe, and that brain energy could be put to good and better use, of course, you already know that too...
As Forwells has stated, I suggest that we continue this thread until the final verdict is in and you do NOT post any additional threads about how YOU feel....
This is about how WE as a group feel, as a Team, as a Squad,..as a Unit, that are here to help others and if you notice, we also help "ourselves" each day too...
That's one of the reasons WHY I am even here from virtually dawn to dark,...to help others learn, how to help themselves..and it also serves a dual purpose role...
Helping others, helps me, because my entire life is also a complete trainwreck shithole from the top to the bottom and side to side...but...
This (forum) isn't "about" me.....it's "about" us all....

Remember that.

Have a good day, friend.

Enduronman..

[forgiveandforget1995]

Mixed feelings here.

I wasn't involved in this but it is my opinion.

We operate on blind faith and trust with what we do here. It is with that that we open our hearts and share our experiences with total strangers. We wouldn't be able to do what we do so effectively otherwise.

Trust has been bruised, if not completely shattered for some.

I am willing to try with this person, but understand that many of my replies will likely be guarded, never being quite sure if this is a put on.

He is young, he has owned up to this mess, he has issues, he has a life ahead of him which he deserves a chance to get on a good path and really live.

One condition for me. If I feel like I'm being screwed with, I'm done.

My ten cents worth.

I understand man, I know I fucked things up, I just want to forget about what happened, I don't blame anyone for being mad at me because I'm mad at myself for what I did, However during the time I just weren't thinking clearly and I weren't myself.

[forgiveandforget1995]

I do like it here, I've received support from a lot of people, I just wish that I appreciated people's help more and maybe I should have taken more people's advice. I'm not expecting anyone to really forgive me but I just want them to understand that my Anxiety, Panic attacks, Depression etc are not all a joke. Thanks for forgiving me, I know I don't deserve it but I appreciate it.

[forgiveandforget1995]

We all get very down days and we have all done silly things,no one is perfect,life is about making mistakes and giving second chances,yes you have hurt loads of people and them you have to make a mends with,but to punish you in top of what your going through will not help,i hope you find what your looking for

Thanks Em you were the first person to listen to what I had to say after the incident, Thank you for your support

[forgiveandforget1995]

Thanks, I needed time off, I felt bad for hurting a lot of people on this forum, It was wrong for what I did but I want to move on and try to help others and get support from people who go through the same things that I have been through

[forgiveandforget1995]

You turned this place into a place that saved me into a place where I didn't feel safe any more when I had nowhere else to go for a period of time. I won't forget that or the effort and my emotions that I put into you when I myself was in a bad place. I will think about this more as the day goes on.

I understand but the things I've been telling people about have not been lies, I was bullied, I did make a account of the guy who bullied me, Lord knows why I did it's kinda a blur for me, Like I said hours before I used that account I was just in a bad place and I had had a major argument with my mother. Don't feel threatened by me, I know what I did was wrong but I don't want anybody to feel intimidated, I am not a bully, It's just that when you sometimes go through hell with bullies it can make you turn on people you don't want to hurt. I'm sorry for what I did. I hope you're okay!

[forgiveandforget1995]

I will think about this today. This had a big impact on me and I can't rush to what my decision would be if it were in my hands. Forwells, I think your request is very reasonable. My approach to newbs was severely hindered since this happened as could be seen in many of us almost sticking together and appearing clique like. Keeping harm at bay of sorts. Much for me to ponder here.

Take your time, I'm not expecting a warm welcoming, I knew I was a ass and I'm sorry for what I did, I have been checking the forum here and there since I left, what I don't get though is that everybody was accusing me of tim something, That was not me. I was charlie/Matthew and nobody else

[forgiveandforget1995]

Kyle, I do have to say that I was not expecting you to come back, let alone apologize for what you did on here. It's hard for one to forgive when they truly put an emotional interest in you and believed you. I and others were hurt by what you did. I felt betrayed in a way and it really made me not want to put so much time and thought into my heartfelt replies.. It wasn't right what you did; I think you know that, and yeah, sure you are human, but humans evolve! Remember that. And the best I can hope for is that you've learned from this and you will not do it to other people.

But Nixon is very right; There will be no energy wasted in holding a grudge. I do not have any time for negativity in my life. So ultimately I do forgive, but I do NOT forget. There is no bitterness from me whatsoever here, but I'm not in for being fooled twice. I do really wish you well in your life, Kyle. And I'm sorry for what you are/have been dealing with, but I'm glad that you are doing better.

It's okay I understand!! I wanted to apologize for the last few days but I was just nervous, I'm going to make sure I learn from my mistakes, maybe that's part of the reason why I drove some people away because of my moany and irritating behavior. Since my Dad left I haven't been the same, I feel like I'm getting better though, I know parents splitting up is common, but it's just that my parents were together for about 20 years and they were so close, for my dad just to leave like that really shook me.

[forgiveandforget1995]

Kyle,

I doesn't take words to hurt people, deceitful, misleading, uninspiring, conspiring, behaviors is what hurt people here and that list could go on and on,..without using words.
I think, as Forwells has stated, you've got balls to come back around here and man up to what you did..you just didn't realize the chaos that ensued...
It was like the Forums were left devastated and everyone left standing around in the Squad..wondering wtf just happened and who else can we then trust?...
We trust each other, we openly give the trust needed to conduct such a place anyway..with soooo many people and soooo many problems, other then your own....
We ALLLLLLL have problems, but none of us, mislead, another......You kinda broke that bridge of trust and you know it, Hence: Forgive and Forget....
No one will ever forget,..but considering that we are all human, it is possible for us to forgive but our walls are now up to protect us from further damage and harm.....
It's up to YOU to figure out, how to get them to come back down..using your mental powers for good rather than for childish, immature, bullshit...
I think, you're alot smarter than that which you lead us all to believe, and that brain energy could be put to good and better use, of course, you already know that too...
As Forwells has stated, I suggest that we continue this thread until the final verdict is in and you do NOT post any additional threads about how YOU feel....
This is about how WE as a group feel, as a Team, as a Squad,..as a Unit, that are here to help others and if you notice, we also help "ourselves" each day too...
That's one of the reasons WHY I am even here from virtually dawn to dark,...to help others learn, how to help themselves..and it also serves a dual purpose role...
Helping others, helps me, because my entire life is also a complete trainwreck shithole from the top to the bottom and side to side...but...
This (forum) isn't "about" me.....it's "about" us all....

Remember that.

Have a good day, friend.

Enduronman..

I agree with what you're saying, we need to help each other out, after all this is what the forum is for, for me to cause stupid bullshit is not on, I want to try and set things right. I understand everybody has problems, I hope I didn't come across as ignorant or anything on here, because I really do like trying to help people but I ain't the best for giving advice because I find it hard to look after myself the majority of the time, But since I'm improving I think I would like to try and help other people out as much as I can. I never really told many people about problems in my real life, as soon as I found this forum I started to release all of what I kept bottled up for years, but I sometimes would forget that other people are going through the exact same (Or worse) Problems than me, and I apologize for lashing out at you on Facebook that time

[forgiveandforget1995]

Just a quick question, Does anyone here know about the Lindon method because I have his book, I haven't read it yet, but does anyone here use his advice?

[forgiveandforget1995]

I've never felt threatened.

Well good, But what I mean is that I don't want to make others feel upset

[forgiveandforget1995]

Ok

Post away . Behave yourself ans be bloody honest if you want help and
more so for yourself .

I think you are sorry but remember you will have many eyes watching you

Go and play nice :)

Thanks Forwells, I'm not going to mess about anymore, there are too many people here with enough problems.

[forgiveandforget1995]

and dont you forget that including me :)

I understand man, a fresh start awaits :)

[jessed03]

Well, well, well... Kyles Morgans back!

All everybody here wanted for you is to see you in a happier state. If you're willing to work towards that, and want to use here as a serious platform to help that happen, then I have no problem with you being here. I think you know what you've done and feel bad about it.

Ain't no point spending life holding a grudge.

I believe that you weren't TMR too. At the time, with the IPs and everything, it looked like it. We've had some problems with those, but long story. Sorry about that.

Welcome back young Welshman.

[jjh333]

You were not the Baer account?

[NixonRulz]

You were not the Baer account?

TMR and Baer had the same IP.

Neither apparently was Kyle

He just had us all paranoid like we just smoked a bunch of weed

LOL

[ab123]

And this is why I love you all. What a group of mature people. Hey newbies. This Is actually what you're signing up for. Nice job people. I was personally creeped out and will be on guard from now on. But Maybe that's for the Better. Welcome back Kyle.

[forgiveandforget1995]

Well, well, well... Kyles Morgans back!

All everybody here wanted for you is to see you in a happier state. If you're willing to work towards that, and want to use here as a serious platform to help that happen, then I have no problem with you being here. I think you know what you've done and feel bad about it.

Ain't no point spending life holding a grudge.

I believe that you weren't TMR too. At the time, with the IPs and everything, it looked like it. We've had some problems with those, but long story. Sorry about that.

Welcome back young Welshman.

Thanks Jesse :)

[forgiveandforget1995]

And this is why I love you all. What a group of mature people. Hey newbies. This Is actually what you're signing up for. Nice job people. I was personally creeped out and will be on guard from now on. But Maybe that's for the Better. Welcome back Kyle.

Thanks ab123 :)

[Dahila]

I am sorry guys but do you see that's is game again? Apologizing and asking for forgiveness...... he is playing you like a violin....playing very well, but playing with people emotion is a crime, it is for me.
I had not seen that thread being busy lately, and just checking a few threads a day.
Kyle or Matthiew or whatever you are you are not what you say you are and you are not 18:))) Let's see what happen shortly ............

[forgiveandforget1995]

I am sorry guys but do you see that's is game again? Apologizing and asking for forgiveness...... he is playing you like a violin....playing very well, but playing with people emotion is a crime, it is for me.
I had not seen that thread being busy lately, and just checking a few threads a day.
Kyle or Matthiew or whatever you are you are not what you say you are and you are not 18:))) Let's see what happen shortly ............

Why the hell would I be playing people, I'm sorry but you don't have a clue, if I was a troll like you claim I am, then I wouldn't be apologizing. Since when do trolls apologize? I don't care if you don't like me but just leave me be. I think you can be too hard on people, you act as if I've committed a crime, All I did was make a troll account as the guy who harassed me. The suicide thing was how I was feeling at the time, Because I deal with suicidal thoughts, stop pretending you know all about me. I am 18. I am sorry for what I did, but to keep bringing it up is getting tiresome, people make mistakes. I guarantee you 100% that I won't do it again, so believe what you want to believe. I know people are blaming me for other trolls like that Tim guy but that weren't me.