will someone reassure me?

[lenalane]

Hi, I have been struggling with this episode of anxiety since Oct '07 - doing much better, but still have lingering symptoms. I am wondering if they are normal or something more serious?

It feels like my anxiety has morphed over the months and though less severe now, it is a bit different. I have very dark thoughts. I fear going crazy and losing total control and hurting myself or someone else. I have never hurt anything and consider myself a very gentle person, maybe this is why I fear this so much. I try to ignore the fears and move on with my thoughts as much as possible.

The next thing is that I feel that my boyfriend causes my anxiety a bit. He is from the 'rich' side of town and my family is not. I am graduating from college in June and don't have a job yet. He wants me to move with him across the country to a SMALL town in South Dakota and I am so scared. He isn't ready to propose, and didn't want to move in together six months ago - and I feel that he is constantly judging me to see if I am good enought for him. HOnestly, I think that is one of the main sources of my anxiety.

Has anyone ever experienced this? I need some advice. Not sure if I should break-up or what?
Seriously freaked.
Lenalane

[Robbed]

It sounds like you are experiencing obsessive thoughts. Obsessive thoughts are simply thoughts of a distressing nature that tend to occur in an intrusive and repetative manner. And they are a VERY, VERY, VERY common occurrance with anxiety disorders. Also, for whatever reason, thoughts about going crazy and hurting people seem to be BY FAR the most common of these sorts of thoughts during the course of an anxiety disorder. So the fact that you have a problem with these specific thoughts comes to me as no surprise. I have had these thoughts as well. And like yourself, hey actually seemed to start a few months after the onset of the disorder. But when and how they occur is not important. And neither is their content. Remember that having these thoughts, regardless of how disturbing they may be, does NOT mean that you will carry out these actions. Nor does it mean that you have become evil. After all, evil people would no worry about having such thoughts in the first place. They are simply a symptom of anxiety, and will go away when the anxiety is resolved. When you have these thoughts, allow them to occur. Do NOT try to force them from your head OR force forgetfulness. But try your best NOT to engage the thoughts. And carry on with whatever you are doing. It sounds like you are at least trying to do this. But knowing that this is the PROPER course of action certainly helps.

As for your boyfriend, what you do here is up to you. But I personally would think twice about just picking up with him and moving far away at this point in time. Times of emotional distress are not good times to do something THIS drastic - especially if such a move is going to take you away from friends and family. When you have dealt with your anxiety, you will be in a better position to make this decision.

[lenalane]

Robbed,
Thank you. Of all of the research I have done, I never knew that obsessive thoughts are a component of anxiety. Well, that's not entirely true. But, I thought that once the attack occurred, then it was all uphill from there. It is uphill, but a few rolling hills to boot. So thanks again. As for the other issue, I am putting the decision off and hope that a job will help determine where I'll be. I have a question about something you said: "don't force forgetfulness" - what does that mean?
Hope you're well!
Lenalane

[Robbed]

I have a question about something you said: "don't force forgetfulness" - what does that mean?

Some people try to MAKE themselves forget about the fact that they have obsessive thoughts in an attempt to make them go away. But this almost always makes the problem worse. So when I say not to force forgetfulness, I mean don't try o make yourself forget about you obsessive thoughts.