Mellykey
03-08-2014, 03:57 PM
For years I have been struggling with excessive periods of depression and major anxiety attacks, I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia in my early teen years, and then diagnosed with minor BPD. I dropped out of High School due to my depression and anxiety. Years later I went for my GED and no matter how much I studied and how much money I wasted I could not pass my Math so I never obtained a GED.
It's extremely hard for me to find a suitable job, the only job I had was a crappy minimum wage job that put me through so much stress I had no choice but to quit. I live with my husband who encouraged me to quit my job but now I feel even worse, he might have a high paying job to financially support us both but I hate relying on him and feeling useless that I can't do anything at all to help. I feel like I'm trapped in my own life, that nothing will ever get better for me. I blame myself for all this happening to me and I just don't know what to do anymore.. and how to cope with it.. it makes me feel like life isn't worth all this.. and I don't want to give up but sometimes I feel like I have no choice.. I don't see myself having a future,, all I see is darkness and suffering. Why does this happen to most people? The sad thing is that I don't even have it as hard as most do and yet it's like my life has ended because of my anxiety and inability to do anything right.. and I just feel like a hopeless case on my end. I've gone to therapy, medications, all and nothing has helped me. Sometimes I just lay in bed all day wasting the day away because I am that disappointed in my self. I want to have a normal, carefree live before I age old and can only remember the memories of resentment, envy, anger, and all..
It's extremely hard for me to find a suitable job, the only job I had was a crappy minimum wage job that put me through so much stress I had no choice but to quit. I live with my husband who encouraged me to quit my job but now I feel even worse, he might have a high paying job to financially support us both but I hate relying on him and feeling useless that I can't do anything at all to help. I feel like I'm trapped in my own life, that nothing will ever get better for me. I blame myself for all this happening to me and I just don't know what to do anymore.. and how to cope with it.. it makes me feel like life isn't worth all this.. and I don't want to give up but sometimes I feel like I have no choice.. I don't see myself having a future,, all I see is darkness and suffering. Why does this happen to most people? The sad thing is that I don't even have it as hard as most do and yet it's like my life has ended because of my anxiety and inability to do anything right.. and I just feel like a hopeless case on my end. I've gone to therapy, medications, all and nothing has helped me. Sometimes I just lay in bed all day wasting the day away because I am that disappointed in my self. I want to have a normal, carefree live before I age old and can only remember the memories of resentment, envy, anger, and all..