exmo
03-08-2014, 12:48 PM
Hey everyone.
I'm a 30 year old single guy and live in the SF bay area. I was raised Mormon, but I came out of it 3 years ago. It's taken me a while to admit to myself that I've been depressed for most of my life, and feel adding to the forum may be cathartic to me, and hopefully be able to help others here. A little about my "condition":
I've always been the type who has struggled with mild to moderate depression and anxiety, but have been in denial about it most my life. Whether it is genetic or something brought on by my upbringing I'm uncertain, but I've always managed to generally fight to keep a good attitude, and sometimes it sticks for a while.
I find my depression is more event based rather than for no particular reason. I tend to tie my feelings of self worth to feedback I get from others. It can also be triggered by feeling friendless and hopeless about the direction of my life, or from feeling trapped in my job and circumstances that feel unchangeable. Basically when I fail to meet my ideal self.
I also find that I have very contradictory feelings about what makes me depressed and anxious. For example I've always enjoyed being single. I don't like putting up with crap from women, and the lack of freedom I feel in a relationship. I need my own space, and like to spend a lot of time alone. While I feel happy isolating myself, it is also the cause of my depression. I'm afraid of pain. I'm afraid to open myself up. I'm afraid to trust.
Anyways thats a little about me. I look forward to meeting you.
I'm a 30 year old single guy and live in the SF bay area. I was raised Mormon, but I came out of it 3 years ago. It's taken me a while to admit to myself that I've been depressed for most of my life, and feel adding to the forum may be cathartic to me, and hopefully be able to help others here. A little about my "condition":
I've always been the type who has struggled with mild to moderate depression and anxiety, but have been in denial about it most my life. Whether it is genetic or something brought on by my upbringing I'm uncertain, but I've always managed to generally fight to keep a good attitude, and sometimes it sticks for a while.
I find my depression is more event based rather than for no particular reason. I tend to tie my feelings of self worth to feedback I get from others. It can also be triggered by feeling friendless and hopeless about the direction of my life, or from feeling trapped in my job and circumstances that feel unchangeable. Basically when I fail to meet my ideal self.
I also find that I have very contradictory feelings about what makes me depressed and anxious. For example I've always enjoyed being single. I don't like putting up with crap from women, and the lack of freedom I feel in a relationship. I need my own space, and like to spend a lot of time alone. While I feel happy isolating myself, it is also the cause of my depression. I'm afraid of pain. I'm afraid to open myself up. I'm afraid to trust.
Anyways thats a little about me. I look forward to meeting you.