Lonely :( . And what is a psych test?

[bittersweetgirl]

Trying to go with the flow, and be appreciative, but... I'm stuck. I'm on a short trip away from home without my kids, in a beautiful quiet chalet on a nature preserve. 3 nights away from the kids, and was hoping I'd get a break from the stress of all the deadlines and time pressure, etc., and that it would help me. Ex isn't happy about any of this - he "has" to take the kids (not his thing), and I get them right back when I return for 4 nights. Now I'm here and aching with loneliness. Maybe tomorrow will be better when the sun comes up - right now it's just me, alone. And I have a sore throat and might be getting my daughter's cold.

I think what's really bugging me is that my counselor at the outpatient program said they were concerned about my lack of progress (I am too), and so they want to give me a "psych test" to make sure I've been diagnosed correctly. What is a psych test? I might also switch from CBT to Dialectical therapy or whatever it's called... CBT just makes me want to argue, and distresses me. One counselor played a breathing relaxation recording for us today, to help teach us how to breath deeply, and by the end I was heading into an anxiety attack. All I could hear was this voice in my head telling me "you're doing it wrong!!!" (I've been told that before in real life, and I couldn't figure out how I was doing it wrong when my belly WAS rising and falling, just like they said - and I still felt stressed anyway).

I'm still trying - I do plan to read this weekend and hopefully get a grip. I'm just disappointed in myself. I texted a couple of friends and told them I was here, but having a bit of distress and they said "enjoy your break!! That's great!" So why can't I enjoy myself??

[Niicole Lynne]

Don't be discouraged at yourself
We all go through Ruts and u might be stuck now but I believe you will get out
Give yourself a break and don't put so much pressure
I dno if you're religious but I'm a firm believe that god doesn't give you what you can't handle so take that for what it is
You seem like a great mom and a great person <3
Things will work out

[bittersweetgirl]

Well, this does sound like me. Abuse survivor, non-motivated (well, motivated, but not responding as expected), profoundly invalidating environment... pretty much all of it. There's a waiting list, but the psych doc thinks I can get in and it'd be good for me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

[Niicole Lynne]

Well, this does sound like me. Abuse survivor, non-motivated (well, motivated, but not responding as expected), profoundly invalidating environment... pretty much all of it. There's a waiting list, but the psych doc thinks I can get in and it'd be good for me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

Keep looking at the positive
Ur therapy now just might not be what u need

[bittersweetgirl]

Don't be discouraged at yourself
We all go through Ruts and u might be stuck now but I believe you will get out
Give yourself a break and don't put so much pressure
I dno if you're religious but I'm a firm believe that god doesn't give you what you can't handle so take that for what it is
You seem like a great mom and a great person <3
Things will work out

Thanks for the encouragement! I hope it's just a rut. I don't want to be stuck here. I've learned a lot being "stuck" in this emotional wasteland, but am so ready to get out of it.

[bittersweetgirl]

Okay, better, though I woke up at 5:30 in a panic. But I texted with a guy from my program for a couple hours last night (friendships are encouraged, not romantic relationships) and went from crying to laughing right away. It's that easy to support someone. No need for complicated advice - just chat and laugh. I think anxious people need sort of a sponsor, like in AA! Seriously. We have each other here other here too, and that helps.

[bittersweetgirl]

DBT bought my niece back from the edge! I believe typically DBT is used in the treatment of people with some personality disorders. Self harm is also now treated with this therapy. The person I know had DBT for a year and was cutting very deeply daily, had borderline personality disorder, suicide plan fully decided and was working towards it, and multiple phobias. A year of treatment, completely into mindfulness which is very prominent in that therapy, and 6 months after treatment now off all meds, highly functioning in several aspects of her life. DBT was perfect where CBT never helped for years. If you get access to that program I wish you all the luck as I've seen the magic.

Oh wow. I'm glad it helped your niece, and what a great treatment program (personality disorders are difficult to treat!), but that might too intense and kind of scary for me. I'm functioning moderately well - definitely not that severe. Though I suppose I could have borderline too... that would suck. The people who I do know who have it are really difficult to handle, and don't want help. I've looked into it before, because I react so badly to romantic reaction, but the actual relationship before it is always calm. I pick alcoholics and narcs - people who can't maintain that peace :(. And then I freak out.

Anyway, thank you for the info... Of course now I have to google :)

[bittersweetgirl]

Don't google too hard Bittersweet. There are specific criterial and I am merely speculating from what you indicated (psych test/DBT. ) I like the way they bring a lot of treatments together in DBT. Also people who are BPD are not always difficult to handle but can certainly vary in the intensity of some aspects. If you are offered DBT try not see it as too intense. In many ways it's a very gentle program and continues for 12 months rather than the faster approach of maybe 12 sessions of CBT that's all exposure and business.

The individual talking therapy is included too and really helps too. It's not all about the exposure homework!

I'd love to jump in that treatment program.

Good luck .....now put the google monster down ;)

I'd love to try DBT :). But I really think I'd freak out if I'm with people who are much more severe than me, or are miserably depressed. I cheer up and get happy (and feel much healthier) when I'm around people who are smart and funny. We'll see... I did google, and have one symptom for sure - the others only maybe sound a little bit like me. I'll look into DBT though - maybe there's a way I can do it on my own (with a therapist to guide me). And I'll find out how long the program is at this outpatient place, too.

[bittersweetgirl]

Good luck. I'd love to hear how you get along. :)

Thanks - I'll let you know for sure!! :) I'm feeling much better as the day goes on... the stress had been building up terribly for me, and now my only goals are to read, build a fire, hike, and practice on my new guitar (over the next couple of days!). No rushing allowed! I haven't had this kind of a break in almost a decade.