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View Full Version : Very, very confused, please help :(



skarsgardd
03-05-2014, 06:48 PM
I'm not really sure where to post this, because I'm not really sure whats going on, if its anxiety, depression or just me being me, really.

I've been on serlan (150mg) for about 6 months now, following a pretty low period where I was suicidal and very very anxious (life long problem, first time medicated)

Things actually went quite well for a good while, once I'd kind of accepted that it was okay and normal to have bad days, and that my meds weren't a magic fix for regular problems and so on. Lately, I've been finding myself kind of struggling again. I'm starting to lose interest in everything, blowing off work a lot more which I know is awful, but I don't seem to care, making excuses for myself, sleeping soooo sooo much (up to 20 hours if I let myself, and I really do a lot of the time). I don't really feel sad. That's the weird thing. I just feel kind of fed up? Tired? I feel like I'm just not bothered at all, like even being here. I'm not actively considering suicide or anything, at least not right now, but I do find myself just getting really really wound up at even the tiniest of problems and just thinking, almost scarily offhand "i wish i could dissappear". I've said and thought that before, but this is kind of different. It's almost too casual. Like being suicidal and wanting out used to really upset me and the one thing that actually stopped me ever going there was that. Now I just think "Yeah. I don't want to anymore and I don't even care". I'm not sad, I'm just... nothing. I really don't care. I get wound up and then I think "Maybe I'll disappear" and I feel calm. Its just the lack of crying sadness and stuff that feels different. I feel like I've kind of hit a rough patch again but its very different than anything I experienced before my meds, so I don't really get whats happening...

I've been seeing a guy after getting out of a bad relationship and I think I sort of threw myself into it to ignore my feelings. I think I literally do anything and everything to avoud thinking about my feelings and facing up to how bad I feel about myself, deep down. So much so that I kinda feel like this new obsession with "disappearing" is my only coping mechanism. Its like I store it up there for when things really hitt he fan, and then I have this hidden ace up my sleeve. I know that sounds messed up. I just... I feel like my emotions get way too intense, and I have a weird capability to completely detach from them for long periods of time and then I snap and get anxious and then instead of thinking about why I'm sad / why I feel the way I do, I panic frantically and decide I'M OUT, GET ME OUT OF HERE, I CAN'T.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this makes any sense. It's a bit crap, I thought the meds were making me better, my anxiety got SO much better and after time so did my depression, but this weird... thing is just... hitting me. I guess,.... guidance? Has anyone had this experience/felt this way? is this depression or whats happening?

Bigrobbie
03-05-2014, 07:20 PM
Yea...I feel ya. Sounds to me as if you may need to get to your doc! Meds are often trial and error when trying to establish what works best with minimal sides.

I wish I had the words to make it all better but as you know...our minds are freaky and complex. I hope you keep updating your progress. Good luck!


I'm not really sure where to post this, because I'm not really sure whats going on, if its anxiety, depression or just me being me, really.

I've been on serlan (150mg) for about 6 months now, following a pretty low period where I was suicidal and very very anxious (life long problem, first time medicated)

Things actually went quite well for a good while, once I'd kind of accepted that it was okay and normal to have bad days, and that my meds weren't a magic fix for regular problems and so on. Lately, I've been finding myself kind of struggling again. I'm starting to lose interest in everything, blowing off work a lot more which I know is awful, but I don't seem to care, making excuses for myself, sleeping soooo sooo much (up to 20 hours if I let myself, and I really do a lot of the time). I don't really feel sad. That's the weird thing. I just feel kind of fed up? Tired? I feel like I'm just not bothered at all, like even being here. I'm not actively considering suicide or anything, at least not right now, but I do find myself just getting really really wound up at even the tiniest of problems and just thinking, almost scarily offhand "i wish i could dissappear". I've said and thought that before, but this is kind of different. It's almost too casual. Like being suicidal and wanting out used to really upset me and the one thing that actually stopped me ever going there was that. Now I just think "Yeah. I don't want to anymore and I don't even care". I'm not sad, I'm just... nothing. I really don't care. I get wound up and then I think "Maybe I'll disappear" and I feel calm. Its just the lack of crying sadness and stuff that feels different. I feel like I've kind of hit a rough patch again but its very different than anything I experienced before my meds, so I don't really get whats happening...

I've been seeing a guy after getting out of a bad relationship and I think I sort of threw myself into it to ignore my feelings. I think I literally do anything and everything to avoud thinking about my feelings and facing up to how bad I feel about myself, deep down. So much so that I kinda feel like this new obsession with "disappearing" is my only coping mechanism. Its like I store it up there for when things really hitt he fan, and then I have this hidden ace up my sleeve. I know that sounds messed up. I just... I feel like my emotions get way too intense, and I have a weird capability to completely detach from them for long periods of time and then I snap and get anxious and then instead of thinking about why I'm sad / why I feel the way I do, I panic frantically and decide I'M OUT, GET ME OUT OF HERE, I CAN'T.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this makes any sense. It's a bit crap, I thought the meds were making me better, my anxiety got SO much better and after time so did my depression, but this weird... thing is just... hitting me. I guess,.... guidance? Has anyone had this experience/felt this way? is this depression or whats happening?

stp4779
03-05-2014, 09:17 PM
Hi skars :)
It definitely sounds like you've got some depression and a lot of things you describe are things I'm going through too. Sleeping too much, no motivation, the thoughts of disappearing... I can definitely relate.

A lot of people describe depression as not feeling sad really but feeling absolutely nothing. Apathy. When you described disappearing, it definitely does sound like your escape mechanism. Depression makes every little simple task seem impossible, I think it's natural for us to develop a way of coping. Like, why do I have to deal with this? Everything would be easier if I could just disappear! Sometimes I wish I could trade places with my cat so I wouldn't have to deal with anything and just sleep all day!

It truly does help to talk about it with someone. Are you able to see a therapist? I think you need to figure out just what you have: anxiety, depression, or a combo of both? And also to figure out which caused the other. Then you can really focus on tackling it!