Wretched insomnia

[Kabukicho]

I've had horrible anxiety for ages and have tried nearly everything to combat it. With CBT and experience, I can just barely manage to get through the day without medication. Nights are horrible, though. I can't sleep or even be in a decent mood without Xanax. I don't know what to do. When I don't sleep, I'm a wreck the next day. Shaky, vertigo, spacey, tearful. It's worse than being hungover.

I would do anything to be able to sleep like I slept in my teenage years. In bed at 10 and drifting into sweet, warm, blissful slumber within minutes. Have a few dreams and wake up slowly in the morning, savoring the feeling of the warm blankets and the knowledge that I don't have to get up for school just yet. Where did those days go? Instead I'm stuck staring at the wall at 2 AM feeling bored and depressed and panicky, knowing the next day is going to be horrific, debating whether to up-dose on the Xanax or have another beer in the hopes that it will knock me out.

I'm currently starting another round of "sleep hygiene" therapy with my therapist. Sleep journal, sleep restriction, behavioral modification, the whole thing. We'll see if this time has any more effect.

[anxietycat]

I've had horrible anxiety for ages and have tried nearly everything to combat it. With CBT and experience, I can just barely manage to get through the day without medication. Nights are horrible, though. I can't sleep or even be in a decent mood without Xanax. I don't know what to do. When I don't sleep, I'm a wreck the next day. Shaky, vertigo, spacey, tearful. It's worse than being hungover.

I would do anything to be able to sleep like I slept in my teenage years. In bed at 10 and drifting into sweet, warm, blissful slumber within minutes. Have a few dreams and wake up slowly in the morning, savoring the feeling of the warm blankets and the knowledge that I don't have to get up for school just yet. Where did those days go? Instead I'm stuck staring at the wall at 2 AM feeling bored and depressed and panicky, knowing the next day is going to be horrific, debating whether to up-dose on the Xanax or have another beer in the hopes that it will knock me out.

I'm currently starting another round of "sleep hygiene" therapy with my therapist. Sleep journal, sleep restriction, behavioral modification, the whole thing. We'll see if this time has any more effect.

I am right there with you except with Ambien and even then I don't get great sleep. If I don't get enough sleep I am so anxious and crazy/tearful the next day. I wish I could just sleep like I used to not more than 3 months ago. I could fall asleep at 8:30pm and sleep til 8 am. Now I'm lucky if I get 5-6 hours. I tried the whole sleep hygiene stuff and nothing seemed to help. I've just had to accept that I will need meds to sleep until I can wean off them.

[Kabukicho]

Thanks for your kind words. I am starting to accept the fact that I am basically psychologically dependent on a benzo to get me to sleep. Maybe that's okay, if it works. It's just so suboptimal, needing to interface with the pdoc constantly, wondering where your next refill is coming from, wondering what to do if you move cities, etc.

I would pay a LOT of money for 6 hours of completely unmedicated sleep at this point.