Michael33
03-05-2014, 12:15 PM
Hi everyone, I've had some new problems recently that I'm finding increasingly difficult to describe, so I'm wondering if anyone else has the same problems.
I've seen a psychologist about 6-7 times in the last two months, my issues started with a panic attack 3 months ago and since then my anxiety symptoms have been relieved for the most part. The fluttering in the chest, restlessness at night, cold hands and chills, shortness of breath etc. For the last month or so, it's been more of a battle in my mind than anything else. I've had this strange ongoing feeling that I just can't explain, I can be not thinking of anything, just relaxing or doing something but I always just feel weird, like something about me feels very very wrong or strange. I had some intrusive thoughts a month back that scared the hell out of me, my psychologist told me it was a form of Pure O and it revolved around suicide, I worried so so much about it, that I was going to lose control and do it even thought I completely know I don't want to. That's gotten a lot better, but I still have this extremely weird feeling as if I'm in a dream, I look up DP/DR but it's not like that. I don't really feel outside my body, I just feel really damn weird - it's a feeling that I believe if it were gone, I'd be perfectly fine. I've also had weird thoughts where I contemplate what happens after death, or thinking about what the point of life is.. Weird stuff like that, and a week ago I was very emotional, I was highly irritable and really dwelled on an argument with one of my friends. I also had a few thoughts where I felt like crying and I was thinking "I don't want to die", but I know I'm not going to. I'm in perfect health and those thoughts I had were just obsessive thoughts, no way in hell I would want to kill myself, my life is perfect for the most part.
Anyone know what the heck this weird feeling is, and why I think about that crap like life after death, the point in life etc? It gives me a little bit of anxiety when I think about it, but last year I got 97% in a philosophy/epistomology course that revolved a lot around life, however the difference is I didn't have anxiety problems then so I actually loved studying it, it really didn't phase me whatsoever. Now it does, because in combination with my previous intrusive/obsessive thoughts about suicide, questioning what happens after death freaks me into thinking I'm suicidal. It's the strangest thought cycle.. and this weird feeling doesn't help.
I also forgot to add, whenever I have those obsessive thoughts I feel compelled to do research on the internet, but everytime I do it just makes it worse.. I end up coming across articles that just scare the hell out of me. Like I read about some Swedish study that said anxiety and suicide are becoming highly linked, and then I start wondering why the hell would people kill themselves, am I going to end up doing it to? Since the anxieties all in my head, it feels like it might control me to do so - as if I was losing control. These uncertainties drive me nuts.
I should add, I'm on absolutely no medication. I'm scared to take any SSRI because it says they cause suicidal behavior and that worries me a lot.
I've seen a psychologist about 6-7 times in the last two months, my issues started with a panic attack 3 months ago and since then my anxiety symptoms have been relieved for the most part. The fluttering in the chest, restlessness at night, cold hands and chills, shortness of breath etc. For the last month or so, it's been more of a battle in my mind than anything else. I've had this strange ongoing feeling that I just can't explain, I can be not thinking of anything, just relaxing or doing something but I always just feel weird, like something about me feels very very wrong or strange. I had some intrusive thoughts a month back that scared the hell out of me, my psychologist told me it was a form of Pure O and it revolved around suicide, I worried so so much about it, that I was going to lose control and do it even thought I completely know I don't want to. That's gotten a lot better, but I still have this extremely weird feeling as if I'm in a dream, I look up DP/DR but it's not like that. I don't really feel outside my body, I just feel really damn weird - it's a feeling that I believe if it were gone, I'd be perfectly fine. I've also had weird thoughts where I contemplate what happens after death, or thinking about what the point of life is.. Weird stuff like that, and a week ago I was very emotional, I was highly irritable and really dwelled on an argument with one of my friends. I also had a few thoughts where I felt like crying and I was thinking "I don't want to die", but I know I'm not going to. I'm in perfect health and those thoughts I had were just obsessive thoughts, no way in hell I would want to kill myself, my life is perfect for the most part.
Anyone know what the heck this weird feeling is, and why I think about that crap like life after death, the point in life etc? It gives me a little bit of anxiety when I think about it, but last year I got 97% in a philosophy/epistomology course that revolved a lot around life, however the difference is I didn't have anxiety problems then so I actually loved studying it, it really didn't phase me whatsoever. Now it does, because in combination with my previous intrusive/obsessive thoughts about suicide, questioning what happens after death freaks me into thinking I'm suicidal. It's the strangest thought cycle.. and this weird feeling doesn't help.
I also forgot to add, whenever I have those obsessive thoughts I feel compelled to do research on the internet, but everytime I do it just makes it worse.. I end up coming across articles that just scare the hell out of me. Like I read about some Swedish study that said anxiety and suicide are becoming highly linked, and then I start wondering why the hell would people kill themselves, am I going to end up doing it to? Since the anxieties all in my head, it feels like it might control me to do so - as if I was losing control. These uncertainties drive me nuts.
I should add, I'm on absolutely no medication. I'm scared to take any SSRI because it says they cause suicidal behavior and that worries me a lot.