watundah
03-05-2014, 11:04 AM
Hey, All -
So I am looking for some feedback from some fellow SA peoples.
I have been with my current therapist for about 18 months. It has been a slooooow gooooo...I know this is my doing. I am not a talker. BUT I am going to stick with it this time for as long as it takes...and I'm guessing years. I was a selective mute for 12 years, had alcoholic parents, and spend the majority of time in my head. Sometimes when she touches on the neglected child part of me, I shut down and really can't even talk. It's like someone hit the KILL switch.
I see some people on here thought that therapy would consist of the therapist asking a ton of questions, and some of that has happened. At one point, we went through a time of just chatting, which kind of made my cranky since I'm paying for it out of pocket (inside, I wanted to tackle issues, outside, I wasn't budging), at which time I sent her an email that I wanted to quit and she wrote back that we could different approaches.
So most recently, she told me she wasn't doing all the work anymore (meaning, I'm going to quit hand feeding you with questions) and I had to pick it up and bring something in the next week to talk about. I get that. I ended up taking an art journal in and we started talking about that, it gives me something to present as fodder for chat. Has anyone else done art therapy?
She seems to be quite committed to getting inside of my head. I still get anxious about an hour before I'm supposed to go in and am more nervous in there than I am anywhere else. In a sense, I feel because of that, she isn't seeing the "real" me. I wish I could just relax. It is not her, as some may suggest it is the therapist, but it is my anxiety as I tell no one everything - not even my mate of 18 years. A few weeks ago my therapist asked if we could be 'friends' because I often tell her I have a huge silly, comedic side that only a handful get to see and I understand that this is another attempt to get past my walls. I am not sure what that definition means in the therapy realm, but I am sure we're not going to start going to movies and happy hour together. There is so much that I want to say, but when I get there, I shut down. Even after 18 months. I'm wondering what I am really accomplishing if I continue to hold her at a distance. Anyone else have this problem?
I sometimes feel like a cat that's being drug across the carpet by my back feet with the claws of my front feet secured in the carpet. I don't always have "things" to talk about, because on a daily basis, my life is pretty darned good. It's just some of the connectivity issues that create speed bumps for me from time to time. Does anyone have any suggestions? I appreciate your time.
So I am looking for some feedback from some fellow SA peoples.
I have been with my current therapist for about 18 months. It has been a slooooow gooooo...I know this is my doing. I am not a talker. BUT I am going to stick with it this time for as long as it takes...and I'm guessing years. I was a selective mute for 12 years, had alcoholic parents, and spend the majority of time in my head. Sometimes when she touches on the neglected child part of me, I shut down and really can't even talk. It's like someone hit the KILL switch.
I see some people on here thought that therapy would consist of the therapist asking a ton of questions, and some of that has happened. At one point, we went through a time of just chatting, which kind of made my cranky since I'm paying for it out of pocket (inside, I wanted to tackle issues, outside, I wasn't budging), at which time I sent her an email that I wanted to quit and she wrote back that we could different approaches.
So most recently, she told me she wasn't doing all the work anymore (meaning, I'm going to quit hand feeding you with questions) and I had to pick it up and bring something in the next week to talk about. I get that. I ended up taking an art journal in and we started talking about that, it gives me something to present as fodder for chat. Has anyone else done art therapy?
She seems to be quite committed to getting inside of my head. I still get anxious about an hour before I'm supposed to go in and am more nervous in there than I am anywhere else. In a sense, I feel because of that, she isn't seeing the "real" me. I wish I could just relax. It is not her, as some may suggest it is the therapist, but it is my anxiety as I tell no one everything - not even my mate of 18 years. A few weeks ago my therapist asked if we could be 'friends' because I often tell her I have a huge silly, comedic side that only a handful get to see and I understand that this is another attempt to get past my walls. I am not sure what that definition means in the therapy realm, but I am sure we're not going to start going to movies and happy hour together. There is so much that I want to say, but when I get there, I shut down. Even after 18 months. I'm wondering what I am really accomplishing if I continue to hold her at a distance. Anyone else have this problem?
I sometimes feel like a cat that's being drug across the carpet by my back feet with the claws of my front feet secured in the carpet. I don't always have "things" to talk about, because on a daily basis, my life is pretty darned good. It's just some of the connectivity issues that create speed bumps for me from time to time. Does anyone have any suggestions? I appreciate your time.