Parents don't understand anxiety?

[kileyt]

Hi guys, I'm an 18 year old girl who just had a really bad morning. I've never been to a doctor about it, but I have a lot of anxiety in different areas. Sometimes I'll have really bad social anxiety (it gets better at points) and have to think over every word I say to someone before I say it, sometimes just keeping to myself because I don't want to sound stupid. If I think I sounded stupid to someone, I'll think about it for days straight and ridicule myself about how dumb I sounded. That's not really the anxiety I'm talking about today, though.

The other area I have anxiety in is my appearance. I've had this for a couple of years, and it got so bad at one point that I couldn't even go into public places. It's gotten better, where I think I actually look pretty good most of the time, but I still have days like today where I start hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably over the fact that I don't just look bad, but downright repulsive. I can't look in mirrors or else I'll start crying and I feel like I can't be seen by people, hence why I didn't go to school after a rather nasty fight with my mom. I feel like I absolutely cannot go to school on days like today or I'll have a nervous breakdown.

My mom will be okay with it for a few seconds, telling me that I need to get medicine and see someone about it, but that quickly changes. She'll start punishing me for missing school, grounding me for 2 weeks, telling me I need to get my priorities straight. She'll call me self-absorbed and vain, when in reality I can't control it. I would love to go to school, and I know that I need to. I just can't. I constantly get punished for it and she makes me feel like it's all my fault. I tell her about the things she's doing wrong and she just says I'm making up lies. She makes sure to get to anyone I want to talk to about it first, so they can know the "real" story. She has bad anxiety too, so I'm surprised she acts this way?

After being broken down and returning home, at this point crying so hard I can barely breathe, she calls my dad. He has depression, so I thought he would understand. I start telling him things I've never told people before, about how I feel so stupid and can't talk to people sometimes, and about my appearance issues. He is kinda silent and I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe me. This was pretty heartbreaking for me, as I really really thought he would understand.

I'm an only child, so I don't have anyone else to talk to about it... I can't help it and it makes me feel really bad that my mom thinks I'm being self-centered and that all I care about is myself... I don't know what to do? :/ I just want to feel normal.

[kaye]

Hi Kiley, welcome to the forum :)

It sounds to me like you might have body dysmorphic disorder, my friend suffers from it and he often feels like he looks different everyday. Some days he says that he feels comfortable or even proud of how he looks, on others we won't leave the house. Maybe looking into a type of therapy could help?

I can totally relate about your parents, mine didn't understand either. They'd say things like, 'it's the same for everyone' or 'just do it, it's not that bad'. Eventually i got sick of it and gave them some leaflets about anxiety and since then they've made the effort to talk to me about it. My mam suffers from anxiety too, and we've become closer from talking about it instead of ignoring it.

if you'd like to chat or whatever just inbox me :)

[kileyt]

Hi! Thanks for the reply, I looked into body dysmorphia a while back, and I think you may be right. I thought it went away for a while, but days like today prove me wrong, haha. I've put off seeing someone about it thinking it would go away, but maybe therapy would help like you said? I'm just not one to really open up in real life to people :P

Thank you for the offer of chatting, right back atcha :) It feels good to just vent and have people who understand.

[hippysilverware]

Hello Kelly

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you.. but I'm glad you've found yourself here. I hope you get some good information around the forums!

I can understand what you're going through.. a few years ago I had the exact same problem. It started getting a little out of hand when I couldn't bring myself to get dressed for gym because of how I felt about my appearance. I was actually home schooled because of that, but that wound up making things worse. The next year, when I thought I was alright to go back, I couldn't even get within yards of my school without breaking down and in the end wound up dropping out entirely. This caused a lot of fighting with my parents, and like your father, my mother suffered from a mental illnesses; although she did understand, she and my father were the same as your parents. I don't think it's that they don't understand you, but they're still your parents, and as much as they may understand how you feel, they just might not know what to do about it and keeping you home isn't much of an option.

I tried group and one-on-one therapy, and while it wasn't very helpful for me it might do wonders for you. See if your mother might be able to find you a program somewhere in the area, a lot of them will do pick-up/drop-offs if your parents can't do it. I actually went to Job Corps very far away from home, and found that that helped me quite a bit. I still have some days where I feel like I can't bring myself to go outside, but those days get fewer and far between since then. Heh, okay so it kind of sounds like what I'm telling you is to drop out and move away, but what I'd like to tell you is that while therapy and medication are some good ways to help cope, the best way to help you deal with this is to make yourself go even when you feel like you can't. Being in JC, I had no family, and the one friend that went with me wound up getting kicked out, and all the things that terrified me were literally right there in front of me with no other option than for me to deal with them.

The next time you speak to your parents, see if they can't find you a therapist or a group therapy program to go to. That might be a great first step for all of you, especially since a therapist would be a good advocate to say the things you might not be able to convey to them. I wish you all the best! Things /will/ get better for you.

[kileyt]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you went through such a rough time :( Thank you for the support! I agree, sometimes the best thing you can do is just push through it. I am talking with my mom now about speaking to someone about it, so hopefully this will all lead down a better road :)

[KatyFan]

I think that you should find supportive people. Your mother may not be one..but there are people out there. She may not understand and that's hard. Remember to focus on taking care of you-reaching out to people here is a good first step. Good luck and stay positive

[jtaylor713]

Hi Kiley,

The way you described yourself is exactly like me. My mom has bad anxiety, which makes you think she would understand mine, but she doesn't. I'm 22 now, and the only friends I have are the ones I made in high school (and I married one of them). I just get way too anxious to go anywhere without someone I know, and I dread one-on-one conversations with people. And I feel the same way about my body. I don't have an eating disorder, but I overanalyze everything about myself. My husband always tells me I look great, but I just don't see it. I can't stand being with people who are skinnier or prettier than me, and I obsess over old pictures of myself in which I think I look good. I am also here to see how I can change.

If I have any advice for you, it's not to talk about your anxiety with anyone who is going to act like it's stupid. I still try to talk to my mom, but she still claims I can overcome it. For the most part, I try to talk to people online who understand. I know talking to people online doesn't exactly help the social anxiety part, which is probably why I've gotten worse, but it helps you to realize you're not alone.