bittersweetgirl
03-04-2014, 06:24 AM
Did not sleep well. I'm remembering some things from my life and latest relationship, and I'm scared and angry. This last guy did something that could have allowed my daughter to see something inappropriate - I got him to stop and kept her safe, but did I run? Nope. Nothing happened in the end and she was in no danger after that, but it could have taken two seconds at that time (he wasn't after her - he was after me and didn't care that she was there). He's online dating now -he reported me for sending three one-line emails to him (I wanted some money back), he has or had a restraining order for hitting his wife before their separation, he spent the night in jail months later for some unclear reason related to that (he violated it? but she didn't file charges), his ex requested and received the right to have him stay away from her because of stalking concerns.... he's not a good guy. He SEEMS like a great guy - very good job, gentle-seeming and always smiling and happy and funny. He says his daughter's court guardian is totally on his side, and that the guardian thinks he's a great guy too.
I'm seeing a therapist in two hours, so I hope she can help me. We're probably in no danger now, except maybe I'll get a restraining order from him for I don't know what... I sent him two brief emails during this process - one very gentle and just "I'm still hurting", and the other in which I vaguely mentioned that I'm worried and didn't say why (I don't text or call or anything, or email except for those last ones). That might be enough to set him off. I wish I could be one of those people who gets broken up with and just moves on and never thinks of it again. I'm not. And now I didn't even protect my daughter enough - she WILL be protected from now on, period, no exceptions, but the guilt, and the anger towards him...
Man, I want to just sit in the sunshine and laugh and enjoy life and not have all this crap to deal with. "Moving on" is a great idea, but I realize that I haven't, and have to own up to these things.
I'm seeing a therapist in two hours, so I hope she can help me. We're probably in no danger now, except maybe I'll get a restraining order from him for I don't know what... I sent him two brief emails during this process - one very gentle and just "I'm still hurting", and the other in which I vaguely mentioned that I'm worried and didn't say why (I don't text or call or anything, or email except for those last ones). That might be enough to set him off. I wish I could be one of those people who gets broken up with and just moves on and never thinks of it again. I'm not. And now I didn't even protect my daughter enough - she WILL be protected from now on, period, no exceptions, but the guilt, and the anger towards him...
Man, I want to just sit in the sunshine and laugh and enjoy life and not have all this crap to deal with. "Moving on" is a great idea, but I realize that I haven't, and have to own up to these things.