"Friends"! Are they?

[bittersweetgirl]

I've had it. They've had it. I have listened to my friends pour out their stories of despair, offered sympathy, meals, have let my kids watch too much tv and stayed up too late so I can take time to calm a friend down or cheer them up, whatever. I'm not perfect. They're not perfect. But good lord, when I'M having problems, where are they? I tell my story over FB messaging and all I get is "ugh, gotta run" (just got that). Or "oops, texted you a response and forgot to click send" (my buddy here knows about this one ;) ). I do admit that I get plenty of kind responses on FB if I post about a problem that isn't too personal, and I appreciate that so much. It's the darker stuff that scares people (I don't post that stuff on FB or share with the world).

One night at a party when everyone was drunk except for me, they were comparing themselves to characters on a tv show 9 ("The L Word", I think). I asked who I was like, they looked at each other and laughed, and named someone - turns out that she's "crazy" (their words). So they think I'm crazy.

I'm going out tonight because I have one friend who is going through the same thing and she gets it, and will be there. As for everyone else... I mean, I know we shouldn't isolate ourselves in depression, but is this even worth it? I feel guilty, "crazy", and dramatic, but is it easier to cut people out? From some discussions I've had here, I'm kind of guessing yes? I'm judging myself so harshly - please be kind with any advice. Honestly now that I think about it - it probably is what I need to do.

[BrookeLynnnn]

Wow that's totally crappy!! I'm sorry you feel this way! I've never been in this situation but if it were me, I would either tell them how I felt or just pull away.. Find friends who understand you & don't refer to you as crazy unless you're okay with it & joking with them! Lol

Those of us on here are slightly different from other people but, that's okay! Acceptance from friends is always comforting.. It may be hard to find but possible! Theres others out there just like us! :)

[jessed03]

I think they're crazy for watching 'The L Word'...

Anxiety and depression change you. They mature you. It's really hard to mix with certain people after you've had it. I had to almost start my social circle again cos I couldn't hang around with my old friends. They didn't have the maturity or moral character I needed anymore. I found myself getting more and more frustrated and disillusioned with them.

Not everyone goes through that, some people have cool friends, but going through this can make you realize how sheltered, shallow or self absorbed some people are. ( Wow, lot of S's in that sentence)

Sometimes you can't find peace with that.

Your friends don't sound all that good for you. They sound kinda shallow. But it's not always that easy to find new friends. If you can find certain ones within your group that get you, then that's cool.

Personally I'm glad I gave up on a lot of my friends. Although I do have more 'acquaintances' now, rather than friends, but I don't mind it that way!

[bittersweetgirl]

Whew. This is all making more sense. I will withdraw from those people who are acting that way. The one who said she's "gotta go" is still on FB making vague posts about how hard her life is. It's been coming out in counseling that I'm drawn to people who aren't going to give back in the way that I need. I'm still struggling with that, obviously.

I don't watch "The L Word" ;), so I don't even know who that "crazy" character is! And I wasn't joking around with them, either, just making conversation - I'm cool with joking normally, but that took me by surprise.

I just hid my FB profile from one disappearing person... the others - I'll not be available for any more. Sad. But it sounds like it'll be an improvement in the long run.

Thank you :)

[NixonRulz]

Not that I am defending any of your friends and I do not know the relationship you share with them but one thing I found to be certain

Your friends will be there to talk about most things including girl/guy problems, work problems, etc...

But when it come to talking about a concern of mental health, most people get awkward because they don't have an answer or know how to approach a very touchy subject

When I went through my worst times, I told my mother and that was it. I needed one person that would listen as long as I needed but we only spoke about it when I wanted to

My friends had not experienced it as far as I knew so I thought it easier to not have them involved

I later told my wife my experiences and how sometimes I still get those negative thoughts coming. Fortunately that has been years ago

Now I would speak to her and my mom if I ever needed to

Just something to think about

It may just be something that they can't relate to so they shy away from the conversation

You'll make the right decision

[bittersweetgirl]

Thank you, Nixon. Two of the most flaky friends are counselors, so wth? I think maybe they're not very good at their jobs, either.

My mom... hopeless. I do have one friend who is generally reliable and stable.

Must admit I've hit the alcohol today and am now sick. Ugh. Doesn't take much. I'm a lightweight!

[jessed03]

Ah alcohol. Now there's a friend you can always rely on! :)

[bittersweetgirl]

So sick!! I got a call from the one friend I like and am trying to pull it together. It's not like I pounded a ton of alcohol (at all!) and I didn't even take all the meds prescribed. But am so dizzy and sick. Alcohol isn't really the most reliable friend :)

[bittersweetgirl]

Dont you have enough problems going on in your brain without adding more .

Lay of the grog until your brain can handle it .

As for your friends , friends dont do that .

Yes - I agree the alcohol just creates a LOT more problems, and I'm in no shape to handle it. My brain is overwhelmed, and I think I'm on a new formulation of meds (same med, different dosage - hard to explain)... not a good mix. When I'm better, I can try drinking (I'm a light drinker in better times - went out later and drank nothing, so it's not a problem in that way).

And sadly, the friends - it's true... I hope as I get healthier, I'll attrack healthier people and have healthier boundaries.

Thanks, and I love that quote - I have that one written down in my quote book from long ago.

[jessed03]

How's your hangover?

[AmberGbenga]

I know the feeling... My BEST FRIEND who I was always there for would drop everything to comfort her... One day I told her my problems next I didn't hear from her for for days almost a week when she usually messages me everyday... Why? 'She Dosent want to handle my shit' she was avoiding me... As soon as I have a problem she Dosent want to deal with my shit... And as soon as in starting to feel abit better oh poof she magically appears... Yer right get fucked bitch hahaha

[bittersweetgirl]

I know the feeling... My BEST FRIEND who I was always there for would drop everything to comfort her... One day I told her my problems next I didn't hear from her for for days almost a week when she usually messages me everyday... Why? 'She Dosent want to handle my shit' she was avoiding me... As soon as I have a problem she Dosent want to deal with my shit... And as soon as in starting to feel abit better oh poof she magically appears... Yer right get fucked bitch hahaha

Yep! My friend listened to my problems and vice versa (we'd been talking for weeks), and then said she wasn't going to message or talk for a while (no reason given - I thought maybe she needed a break from the world). She came back, I'm not better, and she backed off again. Actually read something helpful about this situation in a book I'm reading - I bookmarked it and will try to remember to post it later.

[bittersweetgirl]

How's your hangover?

No hangover! :) I didn't feel well for a while, but didn't drink enough to have any kind of impressive hangover. I guess it was my own little Mardi Gras party :) Drank a ton of non-alcoholic fluids later and that did the trick.