OMG. Talk me down.

[bittersweetgirl]

So the guy who dumped me abruptly on Friday for being "too anxious", and says he's not ready to date (he's still married - but divorcing). He's back on match. Says on his profile: "Nice guys should finish 1st!!" He owes me $300 that he promised me and I have not received. He won't report his marital status on match. My 5 year old is having nightmares that he's trying to kill her with knives. He says I'M harassing HIM. I reported him to the match authorities for being deceptive about his marital status and for not returning my money, and I told him I was doing it.

He was pretty awful to me - emotionally abusive and manipulative (I finally realized). I've suffered a lot, as have my kids. He says he's moving on with his life, as should I. He abandoned his son at age 6 or 7 to be with his second wife, and I begged him to get help for himself and the child and he promised he would, and that he would not date for a while. Here he is, two days later, trolling for new women. He blocked me on his phone but says I can email him when I'm ready to say something intelligent or act my age. Why does that have to happen to me?? And my kids??

[BrokenWings001]

Wow I'm so sry hun. He sounds like a piece of work. Unfortunately the world is full of selfish ppl. Just focus on u n ur kids. Someone like that ain't worth ur time.

[bittersweetgirl]

He did send me the money after I reported him. Finally.

He says he wishes the best for me, but he's STILL LYING. About other things, too. I wish I could feel good about this. I feel awful.

[bittersweetgirl]

And thank you for replying and being supportive.

He comes off as a really great and fun guy, and people love him. Life isn't fair and I'm having a hard time accepting that.

[NixonRulz]

I would just walk away from that one.

No need to uncover his lies for others

It's understandable why you would want to but that is a lot of energy spent on him instead of doing things to get yourself back on track

[Enduronman]

Nothing more than a learning experience, and one that will leave a bad memory around, for a little while at that...time heals all...
Thankfully, he's gone, and no longer your problem....
let it go, and leave him be whomever it is he wants to be..not your problem...

E-Man.. :)

[bittersweetgirl]

Thank you thank you thank you everyone. I'm so angry at myself for doing this with THREE MEN in the past 2 years. Dating them, trusting them, and then they disappear and get the great girl they knew they deserved (in my mixed up imagination). I'm doing what I can for myself - outpatient program, etc. Tonight is bad. My daughter threw a tantrum because she didn't like what I was serving for dinner (she's had the meal before and enjoyed it), and my son was being cranky, so I decided that we're skipping their activities for tonight (2 1/2 hours of expensive gymnastics). I just can't give anyone anything anymore. I took a couple of xanax and am having a drink, and will not overdose, but I did not want to be too harsh on them - needed to calm down.

Back story: childhood abuse (not terrible, but enough). My brother and I are traumatized and I think he is close to suicide. I'm scared.

[bittersweetgirl]

Sounds like you need some time for yourself to me. :)

Yes. It's caused yet another issue, but I begged my ex-husband for 5-6 days off and am going to a nature place that I love for 3 nights (ALONE!! well, with my needy cats).

[BrokenWings001]

Yes. Take some time to yourself and relax. :)

[trinidiva]

You know what? Consider yourself lucky that you dodged that bullet. That guy sounds like an absolute nightmare. Think about if you would of given more of your precious time to him. Be thankful you got out now. He actually did you a favor! It is hard to see that right now but a year from now, if you think about it, im sure you will sigh a big sigh of relief.

Remember, you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince!

[bittersweetgirl]

You know what? Consider yourself lucky that you dodged that bullet. That guy sounds like an absolute nightmare. Think about if you would of given more of your precious time to him. Be thankful you got out now. He actually did you a favor! It is hard to see that right now but a year from now, if you think about it, im sure you will sigh a big sigh of relief.

Remember, you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince!

I hope so. He keeps telling me (and others) that he's a really great guy who means the very best, and is full of joy. So hard to take. He just disappeared after saying he hoped we'd be together forever. I just spent hours with him only one week ago. I know he'll get another woman very quickly, and she will think he's amazing (he IS fun). I obviously have a problem with abandonment. Also his wife works at a place a mile away from me, and I go there often. But... no more time devoted to him, except in this miserable recovery, while he's having a blast with his new woman. Sorry. Very depressed now.

[BrokenWings001]

I hope so. He keeps telling me (and others) that he's a really great guy who means the very best, and is full of joy. So hard to take. He just disappeared after saying he hoped we'd be together forever. I just spent hours with him only one week ago. I know he'll get another woman very quickly, and she will think he's amazing (he IS fun). I obviously have a problem with abandonment. Also his wife works at a place a mile away from me, and I go there often. But... no more time devoted to him, except in this miserable recovery, while he's having a blast with his new woman. Sorry. Very depressed now.

That's basically why I'm staying away from relationships. I did the online dating for a bit cuz its safe. Guy ditches u, u just hit delete but doesn't make it any easier. Guys seem to like to use me as a band aid. Their girl leaves them then they cry to me but a few days or weeks later they don't want anything to do with me anymore. So i pretty much deleted everyone outta my life a few months ago except my closest friends. I know its what's best for now. The guys still try to get a hold of me but i just ignore them. Done with it all. Sry ur goin through this hun. It'll be ok though. U deserve better than that. He'll regret it. Karma has a way of comin around.

[trinidiva]

I hope so. He keeps telling me (and others) that he's a really great guy who means the very best, and is full of joy. So hard to take. He just disappeared after saying he hoped we'd be together forever. I just spent hours with him only one week ago. I know he'll get another woman very quickly, and she will think he's amazing (he IS fun). I obviously have a problem with abandonment. Also his wife works at a place a mile away from me, and I go there often. But... no more time devoted to him, except in this miserable recovery, while he's having a blast with his new woman. Sorry. Very depressed now.

Just the fact that he is kind of advertising how good and fun of a guy he is would make me a little suspicious. You shouldn't have to sell yourself, you know what I mean? If thats your personality, it should just be natural....not that you have to show people how great you are....thats just my opinion. Also.....alot of people can be the most entertaining, life of the party until things get a little difficult. ....then they bale.
Trust me...I can totally understand you feeling bad about the situation right now....but in some time....you will meet someone perfect for you who is genuine and you will think back on this and be glad you didnt invest one more moment on him.

[bittersweetgirl]

That's basically why I'm staying away from relationships. I did the online dating for a bit cuz its safe. Guy ditches u, u just hit delete but doesn't make it any easier. Guys seem to like to use me as a band aid. Their girl leaves them then they cry to me but a few days or weeks later they don't want anything to do with me anymore. So i pretty much deleted everyone outta my life a few months ago except my closest friends. I know its what's best for now. The guys still try to get a hold of me but i just ignore them. Done with it all. Sry ur goin through this hun. It'll be ok though. U deserve better than that. He'll regret it. Karma has a way of comin around.

Thank you and YES -girl ditches them and they run to me. And the next girl disappoints and they're back. I'm not religious, I guess, but am praying for Karma to come around for him.

Guys also use me a bandaid. I'm trying to focus my therapy on that right now. And I totally want to delete almost everyone out of my life.... Must be an anxiety thing - I see this a lot here.

[bittersweetgirl]

Just the fact that he is kind of advertising how good and fun of a guy he is would make me a little suspicious. You shouldn't have to sell yourself, you know what I mean? If thats your personality, it should just be natural....not that you have to show people how great you are....thats just my opinion. Also.....alot of people can be the most entertaining, life of the party until things get a little difficult. ....then they bale.
Trust me...I can totally understand you feeling bad about the situation right now....but in some time....you will meet someone perfect for you who is genuine and you will think back on this and be glad you didnt invest one more moment on him.

Exactly - he sells himself as the most perfect guy. He told me that if I showed any anxiety, he'd bail, and his family would tell him to run for the hills. I'm a nice person and I'm getting a lot of a help for my anxiety - that hurt like hell to hear that. You are so right on!!!

[BrokenWings001]

Thank you and YES -girl ditches them and they run to me. And the next girl disappoints and they're back. I'm not religious, I guess, but am praying for Karma to come around for him.

Guys also use me a bandaid. I'm trying to focus my therapy on that right now. And I totally want to delete almost everyone out of my life.... Must be an anxiety thing - I see this a lot here.

Well that's just my approach. You do what's best for you. I noticed since i cut everyone out, i stress less. Not so anxious or depressed. It mostly hits me at night. Lived at home till i was 20. Then i lived with my gram, uncle, exs parents, then with my ex. I've been livin alone about a yr. I have my kids but no adult to talk to. Takes some getting use to. Lonely, sleepless nights but I'm getting through it. You'll get passed this too hun. You're strong!

[bittersweetgirl]

Well that's just my approach. You do what's best for you. I noticed since i cut everyone out, i stress less. Not so anxious or depressed. It mostly hits me at night. Lived at home till i was 20. Then i lived with my gram, uncle, exs parents, then with my ex. I've been livin alone about a yr. I have my kids but no adult to talk to. Takes some getting use to. Lonely, sleepless nights but I'm getting through it. You'll get passed this too hun. You're strong!

Thank you! You are inspiring me. I had a really hard night last night and tried to get friends to help with no luck. I guess they're and I believe I will have to cut them out, sadly - I know it's hard on them (I keep saying this!), but the pain of them ignoring me is too much. I do want to get better, I do want to get through this... it's just not working as fast as I want.
I also reported that guy again to match for his restraining order for hitting his wife - I don't know if that's against their rules of service, but I felt obligated. I don't understand legal jargon (it's online, and he told me), so it's perhaps the case been dismissed, but I can't tell. Now time to work on me.

[BlessedMom]

And thank you for replying and being supportive.

He comes off as a really great and fun guy, and people love him. Life isn't fair and I'm having a hard time accepting that.

I'm glad you got your money back....but seriously move on. I can't seem to shake these words of yours "he's still married, but divorcing" anyone still married is not free to date in my opinion. Moving forward I hope that it is yours as well.

I hope your little girl starts feeling better soon, she is the one I feel truly bad for!

[bittersweetgirl]

I'm glad you got your money back....but seriously move on. I can't seem to shake these words of yours "he's still married, but divorcing" anyone still married is not free to date in my opinion. Moving forward I hope that it is yours as well.

I hope your little girl starts feeling better soon, she is the one I feel truly bad for!

Yes - that was my original rule, and I broke it because I thought I wanted a casual date or two, and that would almost be something protective because we wouldn't want to get serious. And then this guy moved in SO FAST and I didn't stop him. Just kind of overwhelmed me with texts and phone calls and visits and offers to help....

Definitely moving on. I'm very sad today, but not angry and have no desire to tell him off or anything. Just done. I think my daughter is getting better too, at least about that - she's been more upset that her dad's been out of town since Sunday (returns tomorrow). Any men I date will not be meeting my kids for a LONG time.

Thanks for posting :)

[BlessedMom]

Yes - that was my original rule, and I broke it because I thought I wanted a casual date or two, and that would almost be something protective because we wouldn't want to get serious. And then this guy moved in SO FAST and I didn't stop him. Just kind of overwhelmed me with texts and phone calls and visits and offers to help....

Definitely moving on. I'm very sad today, but not angry and have no desire to tell him off or anything. Just done. I think my daughter is getting better too, at least about that - she's been more upset that her dad's been out of town since Sunday (returns tomorrow). Any men I date will not be meeting my kids for a LONG time.

Thanks for posting :)

Hope you are feeling better today. Focus on your daughter and yourself. Forget the rest.

[bittersweetgirl]

Hope you are feeling better today. Focus on your daughter and yourself. Forget the rest.

Thank you :). Trying hard! I finally have a bit of a break today, though am feeling worse. I am very glad that I'm not raging at that guy anymore though - it's just this general unhappiness. I talked to my daughter this morning to check in on how she's feeling. Her ADHD meds hadn't kicked in yet so she was all over the place (I picked a bad time to talk!), but she does seem happier. We have new issues now since my mother is injured again and now I don't know whether to cancel our spring break trip (she was supposed to come along)... sucks being a single mom.