A bit of a mess

[Murakawa]

Dunno where to start, really. I've had anxiety for a long time - perhaps 10 or so years now but its been really bad as of late.

I seemed to be doing ok until I had a panic attack in a meeting at work. Since then I just haven't been the same. I've also been dating this girl for about a month and things seem to be 'cooling down' which is making me anxious and depressed. i keep thinking its because of my anxiety that this girl wanted to cool it.

I walk around town in the shopping centre and I keep worrying about having a panic attack or fainting, sometimes i even worry that I'm just going to drop dead (which is my health anxiety kicking in)

Lately I've also had difficulty articulating myself. When I'm around people I just totally clam up and say nothing. Or I say something that's either really mundane, or really stupid.

On top of this, I'm just generally feeling so run-down and exhausted. I'm a generally healthy person and I attribute this mainly to my anxiety. It's like my brain's working overtime, ALL the time, and I think it's just draining the life out of me.

I am so desperate to stop feeling like this. I want my old self back. Can anyone give any pointers? Does medication work? I've never tried it. Are there any other things that might help?

Sorry for the 'novel'! Hope you're all having a good week

Murakawa x

[lovejunkie]

hey :)

my whole life i think things between me and any partner are 'cooling down' regardless of whether they are or not! it makes me act like a loon and in the end things cool down anyway cos im so needy :(

i act totally confident in front of my partner most of the time, even when im dying inside. at first i thought this was ridiculous and hiding my true self, but most of the time it makes me feel more confidant because i am pretty much ignoring anxiety. after a while it kinda worked :)