loosing control and cant find my strength

[sapper84]

ok so i recently posted that i do not with to talk about mine and amber's relationship but i am in serious need right now. my anxiety has been the worst in a very long time and has been going strong for almost 24 hours straight. since this has all began it went from her needing space to her wanting me to her needing space and trying to permanently push me out by making her into a horrible person and that i deserve better. i gave her a little shock by telling her that i love her and she is having a rough time and i will always be there for her and wont give up on her. during my anxiety today we were texting and she was still going on with the same stuff. But then she hit me with a huge bombshell. after her and i got off the phone last night and were still saying i love you to each other, she told me that she made out with and got about as close to having sex as you can without actually doing it with another guy. She told me it was just some random guy that she still plans on keeping contact with. she also said that she wanted to have sex with him. not but days ago she told me that she would never do something like that or even kiss someone else and that it makes her stomach turn at the thought of it. Then after i asked the usual questions i dropped my own bombshell, i said that i forgive her. it was a moment of weakness and the only thing he offered was something i cant, which is physical presence. it could have been any guy that was just around for that moment. but i gave my oath to my country and i cant be where i want to be so very badly. i believe that if you truly love someone that you can forgive them. i love her so very dearly and i am completely shattered. ive never done anything like this ever in my life. i have never not once, even with my ex wife be able to forgive and still offer my all. my undying devotion, support and love. i truly feel lost, i cant focus my mind for just even a second without thinking of her. and it hurts me greatly that she was doing this while i was going into convulsions and fighting for air. i just cant give up on her because i know she is making mistakes that are going to make things worse for her and i cannot let that happen to someone i love so much. too many people have given up on her and i'd rather die than become one of them. im paying such a large price for something i cant change, im already trying to get out of the military early and am going to Australia for about a week in july. i dont know what i need, i guess im just holding my arms out begging for anything at this point. my methods arent working for me and im afraid of my doubt in myself and the actions that may occur from all of this.

[Enduronman]

uhhhh..
I don't know if I should be answering this post or not because its late, I'm tired, and I had a mild headache all day...but,, I'm going to try anyway....
1. So, you're trying to work things out with Amber, texting, talking, communicating via cell phone and for all you know, everything seems fine...
2. Then, she tells you that she made out with some guy that she knows, and that she wanted to have sex with him but didn't...
3. After telling you a few days ago, that the thought of her kissing someone else would make her vomit...
4. But then does this and plans to keep in contact with said other dude...
5. And you say, "I forgive you"...because I love you..

Here's where I'm completely lost Mike.

1. It takes 2 to love..it takes 2 to be in a loving relationship..and usually that means, no making out or thoughts of sex with another person.
2. Sex is exclusive, to each other, in a real loving relationship..I think. At least that's how I was lead to believe or thought it to be, or was raised to think that.
3. So,..essentially. If she loves you as she said that she did, then kissing some other dude, and having thoughts of sex with some other dude,..
doesn't really seem all that conducive to a "loving relationship" to me bruh...
4. Now, she may come on here of course and have her own side of the story that makes yours seem like a complete opposite, or fight it, or deny it, but I'm just going
by what you've stated here...

Holy shit man...grrrrr

It kinda makes me wonder why so many people have given up on her Mike?...She obviously (according to you) doesn't really even know what or who she even wants...That's always been clear here too. That's why she's in this forum. Indecisive, indirect, which way to go, where am I, all that...

You're a very strong and admirable man if you can just forgive this and I commend you for such strengths, but, where does "trust" come into play? Is there even a line in the sand? A line between people? I know where my lines are, my gf knows where the lines are, even though they can't be "seen"...you just know them because they're all a part of a relationship whether I'm here, or she's in Hawaii...

What are you holding your arms out for bruh? And why would you be doubting yourself when it wasn't you that made this error? You know what you had hoped for, and hopefully you had held your ground and stayed on course and not strayed like this either..but you've gotta ask yourself, why did she? That's about as far off course as one could go I think.

I hope I didn't make shit worse for you, or her either but I just had to go by what information I was given and if she chews my ass off for it, oh well,,I said what I felt I needed too..It's a forum, and my own right and privelage to help others the best I can, even if it may hurt sometimes too.

To me, this is The Point of No Return....move on, pick up the pieces, and go on your way about your business. Fulfill your own dreams, desires, destiny as according to what you presented, she has given you that pass to do just that.

There's my 2 cents...(sigh)....

Enduronman..

[Niicole Lynne]

uhhhh.. I don't know if I should be answering this post or not because its late, I'm tired, and I had a mild headache all day...but,, I'm going to try anyway.... 1. So, you're trying to work things out with Amber, texting, talking, communicating via cell phone and for all you know, everything seems fine... 2. Then, she tells you that she made out with some guy that she knows, and that she wanted to have sex with him but didn't... 3. After telling you a few days ago, that the thought of her kissing someone else would make her vomit... 4. But then does this and plans to keep in contact with said other dude... 5. And you say, "I forgive you"...because I love you.. Here's where I'm completely lost Mike. 1. It takes 2 to love..it takes 2 to be in a loving relationship..and usually that means, no making out or thoughts of sex with another person. 2. Sex is exclusive, to each other, in a real loving relationship..I think. At least that's how I was lead to believe or thought it to be, or was raised to think that. 3. So,..essentially. If she loves you as she said that she did, then kissing some other dude, and having thoughts of sex with some other dude,.. doesn't really seem all that conducive to a "loving relationship" to me bruh... 4. Now, she may come on here of course and have her own side of the story that makes yours seem like a complete opposite, or fight it, or deny it, but I'm just going by what you've stated here... Holy shit man...grrrrr It kinda makes me wonder why so many people have given up on her Mike?...She obviously (according to you) doesn't really even know what or who she even wants...That's always been clear here too. That's why she's in this forum. Indecisive, indirect, which way to go, where am I, all that... You're a very strong and admirable man if you can just forgive this and I commend you for such strengths, but, where does "trust" come into play? Is there even a line in the sand? A line between people? I know where my lines are, my gf knows where the lines are, even though they can't be "seen"...you just know them because they're all a part of a relationship whether I'm here, or she's in Hawaii... What are you holding your arms out for bruh? And why would you be doubting yourself when it wasn't you that made this error? You know what you had hoped for, and hopefully you had held your ground and stayed on course and not strayed like this either..but you've gotta ask yourself, why did she? That's about as far off course as one could go I think. I hope I didn't make shit worse for you, or her either but I just had to go by what information I was given and if she chews my ass off for it, oh well,,I said what I felt I needed too..It's a forum, and my own right and privelage to help others the best I can, even if it may hurt sometimes too. To me, this is The Point of No Return....move on, pick up the pieces, and go on your way about your business. Fulfill your own dreams, desires, destiny as according to what you presented, she has given you that pass to do just that. There's my 2 cents...(sigh).... Enduronman..

Based on the current info as you said
I concur!

[sapper84]

i agree with you e-man, but though i have been given a pass i am going to decline that pass. i cannot bring myself to commit such an act. not while my heart still beats for her. im surprising even myself with how far i will go for her, how much i will withstand, how much i will sacrifice for her. ive never been like this before. she thinks so little ofherself and is desperately trying to make some sort of physical connection, some kind of attention that is just physically impossible for me to provide. im in new territory and im drowning

[sapper84]

she doesnt see what she is giving up on. what she will miss out on and what she has had all along. i cant give up on her though.

[Enduronman]

Commendable and admirable to stay the present course..
I have the same flaw that she does, I can not see past today..no matter how hard I try.
I forget the past, live only for the day, and have hope that the future is there...but I can't see into it, or plan for it either.
It kinda sucks, because I am blind in that regard...same as she.
I don't even know what tomorrow holds in store, yet, I'll make it as good as I possibly can.
You know what you want, she just doesn't know what she wants, even if you draw her a map she may still not she the route, path, plans to get there...

We all wish you the best, at whatever this story has to offer you bruh..truly.

Chris..

[AmberGbenga]

Ohhhhhkayyyy my 2 cents. Yes, I made a mistake.. No deny no story no excuse. It happened... We actually weren't 'together' so lawfully I believe it's not cheating. Dosent make it right Dosent make me feel good about it.. He-man your on the money.. Regaurdless of what anyone thinks... I do love this man.. I just can't conquer anxiety as well as a LDR... Maybe even any relationship.. Not now.. Yes, I'm in a horrible place.. I can't see left or right... I just am going with the flow because I literally don't know what to do with myself... I'm weak, I'm a wreck and most of all I'm unsteady. One min I'm like yes this is what I want.. Then after I've done the deed.. I regret.. I dread the future I've just drawn for myself... I'm confused and terrified.. That's me all on the table, I fucked up.. Royally.. I've made my bed.. And yes I may not ever find another man like mike... I may never be happy.. I may find someone and be happy I just don't know.. And I hate it.. I wish someone would just go hey.. This is what you need to do and is what's right for you.. But no.. No one is touching this with a 10 foot pole.. Why? Because it's my life my choices.. Only I can lay out my path.. And it is full of stones that crumble under my feet as I walk.. My path is unsteady... I need water, sunlight and cement to complete my path... I need to search for them..

[jessed03]

Ohhhhhkayyyy my 2 cents. Yes, I made a mistake.. No deny no story no excuse. It happened... We actually weren't 'together' so lawfully I believe it's not cheating. Dosent make it right Dosent make me feel good about it.. He-man your on the money.. Regaurdless of what anyone thinks... I do love this man.. I just can't conquer anxiety as well as a LDR... Maybe even any relationship.. Not now.. Yes, I'm in a horrible place.. I can't see left or right... I just am going with the flow because I literally don't know what to do with myself... I'm weak, I'm a wreck and most of all I'm unsteady. One min I'm like yes this is what I want.. Then after I've done the deed.. I regret.. I dread the future I've just drawn for myself... I'm confused and terrified.. That's me all on the table, I fucked up.. Royally.. I've made my bed.. And yes I may not ever find another man like mike... I may never be happy.. I may find someone and be happy I just don't know.. And I hate it.. I wish someone would just go hey.. This is what you need to do and is what's right for you.. But no.. No one is touching this with a 10 foot pole.. Why? Because it's my life my choices.. Only I can lay out my path.. And it is full of stones that crumble under my feet as I walk.. My path is unsteady... I need water, sunlight and cement to complete my path... I need to search for them..

That's some real talk there Amber.

Hope you guys are both doing well inspite of the relationship stuff

[Enduronman]

Ohhhhhkayyyy my 2 cents. Yes, I made a mistake.. No deny no story no excuse. It happened... We actually weren't 'together' so lawfully I believe it's not cheating. Dosent make it right Dosent make me feel good about it.. He-man your on the money.. Regaurdless of what anyone thinks... I do love this man.. I just can't conquer anxiety as well as a LDR... Maybe even any relationship.. Not now.. Yes, I'm in a horrible place.. I can't see left or right... I just am going with the flow because I literally don't know what to do with myself... I'm weak, I'm a wreck and most of all I'm unsteady. One min I'm like yes this is what I want.. Then after I've done the deed.. I regret.. I dread the future I've just drawn for myself... I'm confused and terrified.. That's me all on the table, I fucked up.. Royally.. I've made my bed.. And yes I may not ever find another man like mike... I may never be happy.. I may find someone and be happy I just don't know.. And I hate it.. I wish someone would just go hey.. This is what you need to do and is what's right for you.. But no.. No one is touching this with a 10 foot pole.. Why? Because it's my life my choices.. Only I can lay out my path.. And it is full of stones that crumble under my feet as I walk.. My path is unsteady... I need water, sunlight and cement to complete my path... I need to search for them..

Amber, be the woman that you are..and let him go completely, entirely, whole-heartedly...a simple good bye it just doesn't work.
Then, you go be the Bambergbinger that you choose to be....and we all love you either way that is....just can't drag Mike along for this ride friend...
Not fair to him, in any way whatsoever..so as you say, grow a pair (guts, strength, assertiveness) and tell Mike to go about his life because you're going about your own.
And that may be here, there, everywhere, over there, in there, out there, up there, down there,....so there!..

We're still always here for you, and you know that too...

Chris...

[AmberGbenga]

I did that.... I didn't want to and still don't want to.. But I did and what's done is done he just needs to choose himself.. To let go or not.. That's all on him

[Enduronman]

We're here for you Amber, and you know that too...
I hope you aren't upset with me and my advisement to Mike..he was searching too and is a friend as well.
You have been here with us, through some really tough times and have been honest, open, and up front with us from the beginning....
We all love you, regardless of how this works out, what you decide or choose to do, and we will continue to offer assistance and help to you and vice versa just as you have for us and our own troubles too.

Amber, Mike,..make the best of this day, as hard as thay may be..you're both very capable people and know how to make this work, or fail, your choices..

Best wishes, hopes, and blessings sent to you both from us all...

Chris..