Parental advice needed

[petrified]

Hi everyone, I could use some advice. My ten year old is off on a school trip in a couple of weeks with 2 overnight stays. I have been to the meeting tonight and am now so worried and scared about it. I no he is going to have an amazing time with all his friends but I cant help feel that something terrible is going to happen. I'm so tempted to make up an excuse as to why he can't go, which I no would be really selfish. The thing is he is still my baby and the longest he has been away from me is the occasional night away at my Dads house. Any advice on how to cope when he is not here and the build up to him going away would be greatly appreciated. I no he is growing up, but this is really hard :-(. Wish he could stay little forever.

But on a positive note I've heard from an amazing lady who used to be on here tonight, which was wonderful!

[GeneAllen]

Hmmm.. Don't make it tough for the kid, you're the mom, get with it. You got what you need, do the thing that helps him learn and grow. Sorry but I understand, and yet I say let him go. You asked for advice, but you may not like mine. Peace

[Enduronman]

Oh geeze..
From what I know about you, you've got a very strong inner core..maybe a little flaky on the edges (LOL!)
This IS a part of HIS growth as you've already stated and yes, it would be selfish as hell to make up some excuse, to expose YOUR OWN weaknesses and flaws...
That we're here working on to begin with of course...
and it isn't his fault, problem, attitudes, behaviors, that are in question and in need of adjustment...let him grow to be him, and let him enjoy this wonderful time
to be a boy..at age 10...I remember MUCH from that age, but my story is abit different....from memory although I too stayed at a camp for a couple days too
and loved it!!! It was about nature, we had cabins, we had cots, we had councelors, teachers, and people crawling all over us (so I couldn't be the awnry, I am kinda awnry)
I too was an only child at that time, my sis was gone and 10 years older...and my mom and dad had just gotten a divorce too so I know mom was suffering, but...
she let me go..Hell we even panned for gold and of course, I wanted to get wet from head to toe..It was a blast, a memory FOR ME, and I never forgot it to this day
at age 46...it was just really cool...
So,..MUM, ...you are going to let him create his own memory, grow, learn, and not be burdened by your own issues that you're working on and I know you are too...
Let him enjoy himself, have a good time, have fun, and learn to eventually be a man...no, they won't be little forever..(my gf says that about her kids too)...

It will be hard, but you can do this,...for HIM..not YOU....

Enjoy this day!!!

Enduronman.. :)

[NeverToo...Fear]

But on a positive note I've heard from an amazing lady who used to be on here tonight, which was wonderful!
I don't mean to pry--well, maybe a little, cause I'm asking--but was it Tailspin?? Ofc, there's lots of other amazing ladies here.. :)


On the subject with your son.. Gosh, I don't have any kids, but I feel I would be worried and concerned like you. But they have to grow up someday, right? ..You just don't want that day to come, lol. And I think no matter how old he gets, he's still always going to be your little boy.. so you might be looking at it through those eyes so naturally you don't want him to go; understandable.. but in all chances, I think he will be perfectly fine, he will have amazing good fun, and you will have some practice in dealing with him being away. Ah, but always easier said than done..
Maybe there will be someway he can communicate? Just to help put your mind at ease? And you can always hang out here while he's away. Plan to be super busy and occupied so you don't have to think too much about his absence.

[petrified]

Thanks gene and E-man I suppose I needed that virtual kick up the arse!
I no he will absolutely enjoy this trip it's an activity centre with piranha pools and rock climbing.
I must say you both sound like my hubby lol. He just tells me all the time to let him grow up. It's just hard because he's my only child!

[trinidiva]

I can understand how you feel the way you do.....I have a son about that age and I do understand. Do you feel comfortable with the chaperones on the trip? If so, I would let him go. They will be closely monitored and it is part of the "growing up" process. If you just dont think you can do it, perhaps you could volunteer to be a chaperone? You could not be working or staying WITH him, but at least you would be close by. Or if that is not an option, perhaps you could talk to one of the chaperones about your worries and they could keep an extra eye on him?

Trust me, I really do understand, but I wouldn't deprive him of the trip.

[petrified]

I don't mean to pry--well, maybe a little, cause I'm asking--but was it Tailspin?? Ofc, there's lots of other amazing ladies here.. :)

On the subject with your son.. Gosh, I don't have any kids, but I feel I would be worried and concerned like you. But they have to grow up someday, right? ..You just don't want that day to come, lol. And I think no matter how old he gets, he's still always going to be your little boy.. so you might be looking at it through those eyes so naturally you don't want him to go; understandable.. but in all chances, I think he will be perfectly fine, he will have amazing good fun, and you will have some practice in dealing with him being away. Ah, but always easier said than done..
Maybe there will be someway he can communicate? Just to help put your mind at ease? And you can always hang out here while he's away. Plan to be super busy and occupied so you don't have to think too much about his absence.

That's great advice about keeping busy NTF. I think that's a plan. I no I'm acting like he's leaving home but this is a major step.
They aren't allowed to take mobile phones with them but the teacher has reassured us they will text us everyday to keep us updated.
Being a parent is so hard I suppose it's just the thought of not being able to be there if something goes wrong, to protect him as that's my job as his Mam.

Thanks again NTF and yeah it was :-) So I had a massive smile on my face before :-)

[Enduronman]

Don't really know how else to put it Petrified of losing your only baby, at age 10...It was kind of a virtual kick up the aresseee,,,but done very kindly too dear. A boy, especially, has to grow into a man as we have many different things then that which women need as far as skills. We must be allowed to be that man of the future. The gatherer, protector, hunter..just a part of being a man. It's ok for you to wish to nurture, just know when it's time to let the nurturing walls down for a minute friend. It's only (2) days and you want him to grow up strong too..with skills, and he may learn a couple in this (2) day period as well..
I know I did!!! I always wanted to go pan for gold again, still do, but never did...none left to find where I am. LOL!!

I hope we've helped you, and maybe even empowered you too for that ability to say "Love you, have a great trip"....

Enduronman... :)

[NeverToo...Fear]

Thanks again NTF and yeah it was :-) So I had a massive smile on my face before :-)
You're welcome, Hannah. And OMG, that's awesome, you talked with her! I hope she's doing alright. I think about her a lot... Tell her I said hi !

[petrified]

I can understand how you feel the way you do.....I have a son about that age and I do understand. Do you feel comfortable with the chaperones on the trip? If so, I would let him go. They will be closely monitored and it is part of the "growing up" process. If you just dont think you can do it, perhaps you could volunteer to be a chaperone? You could not be working or staying WITH him, but at least you would be close by. Or if that is not an option, perhaps you could talk to one of the chaperones about your worries and they could keep an extra eye on him?

Trust me, I really do understand, but I wouldn't deprive him of the trip.

Thanks trini it's only teachers going on the trip but his form teacher is one of them who is lovely. Plus I think my son might have a little crush on her so he is pleased she is going hehe.
I asked alot of questions tonight at the meeting they must think I'm such an overprotective mother!
They truly did try and put my mind at rest but it's still so hard!
I think I'm just going to have to man up and keep myself really busy while he's gone.
Expect me alot on here while he is gone hehe.
Thanks for your advice trini :-)

[petrified]

You're welcome, Hannah. And OMG, that's awesome, you talked with her! I hope she's doing alright. I think about her a lot... Tell her I said hi !

Will do! I felt bad tracking her down but was worried. But my minds been put at rest and it was great having a chat.
I said everyone on here missed her and I'm sure she will be back :-)

[petrified]

Don't really know how else to put it Petrified of losing your only baby, at age 10...It was kind of a virtual kick up the aresseee,,,but done very kindly too dear. A boy, especially, has to grow into a man as we have many different things then that which women need as far as skills. We must be allowed to be that man of the future. The gatherer, protector, hunter..just a part of being a man. It's ok for you to wish to nurture, just know when it's time to let the nurturing walls down for a minute friend. It's only (2) days and you want him to grow up strong too..with skills, and he may learn a couple in this (2) day period as well..
I know I did!!! I always wanted to go pan for gold again, still do, but never did...none left to find where I am. LOL!!

I hope we've helped you, and maybe even empowered you too for that ability to say "Love you, have a great trip"....

Enduronman... :)

Thanks E-man I know you meant it with your best intentions and it DID help!
Haha at the hunter gatherer comment I do hope he grows into a strong caveman ;-p hehe.
I think you should definitely make sure you go pan for gold again somewhere, it sounds like something everyone should do at least once.
I feel a bucket list thread starting lol.
I will definitely be saying those words "love you, have a great trip". Just might crumble when the bus leaves.
But I'm sure I won't be the only mother feeling that way.

[Enduronman]

HAHA!!! Caveman!!!..
Yes, a bucket list thread sounds cool but, do it when he's gone...that will occupy you!
It's ok to crumble, as long as you just let him go dear....just wait until he can't see you!!!
No, you won't be the only mother feeling like that either....

Enduronman.. :)

[petrified]

HAHA!!! Caveman!!!..
Yes, a bucket list thread sounds cool but, do it when he's gone...that will occupy you!
It's ok to crumble, as long as you just let him go dear....just wait until he can't see you!!!
No, you won't be the only mother feeling like that either....

Enduronman.. :)

He will be going :-)
I hope the school has plenty tissues that day for after that bus has pulled away. I'm sure my son will be the one clapping his hands getting a break from mam and dad for 2 days haha.
Thanks again E-man it's nice to have a mans perspective as I've never been a little boy myself, and I don't think I ever listen much to the hubby lol

[Enduronman]

Very welcome...sometimes it just takes an outside perspective, from a once "little boy" too.. :)

YAY!!!! (you knew that was coming)... :D

Chris..

[petrified]

Very welcome...sometimes it just takes an outside perspective, from a once "little boy" too.. :)

YAY!!!! (you knew that was coming)... :D

Chris..

Haha :-D

YAY!!!!! it was inevitable :-)

[bittersweetgirl]

Good luck. I just asked my 8 1/2 year old about how he feels about going away on his school trip in two years (I think it's two nights also). He said he doesn't want to go (he also doesn't do sleepovers except with his dad). But he's always been very close to me, and doesn't even like to be on the 2nd floor if I'm on the 1st floor. I won't let him go if he still feels that way in 2 years - but if he's ready for it and excited, I'll be brave and let him go :).

[petrified]

Hi

I remember when Rory went on his first school trip at that same age. It was 4 days and boy did I miss him!

He had a marvellous time.

I will share some things I did or maybe should have done and you can take them or leave them as you are able.

Don't get to the bus too early........it just brings up your anxiety and you have a limited time that you can keep your worries off of your face!

Plan to get there, get his bags and wish him well and encourage him to get up on the bus so you're not hovering all over him as quickly as possible. It won't be a big deal for him most likely, unless your expressions make him doubt that.

Tell him you wish you could swap places because it's going to be so much fun. That you look forward to the text updates to hear what he has been doing which is better to hear than is he ok? You don't want that anxiety creeping in there either. :)

Remember we want our kids to go out there with confidence, not our worries.

You will be great......you have all of us to keep you busy while he's off having a ball.

That's great advice frankie!! It's great to hear from people who have done this. Us mothers are a different breed. I think I will be following that advice to the letter. Apart from the part about not getting there too early.
I have a phobia about being late so I'm sure I will be early, even for my own funeral lol. But that's a whole other thread haha.

But seriously frankie that will help me a lot and luke I'm sure! Thanks you are a star :-)

[petrified]

Good luck. I just asked my 8 1/2 year old about how he feels about going away on his school trip in two years (I think it's two nights also). He said he doesn't want to go (he also doesn't do sleepovers except with his dad). But he's always been very close to me, and doesn't even like to be on the 2nd floor if I'm on the 1st floor. I won't let him go if he still feels that way in 2 years - but if he's ready for it and excited, I'll be brave and let him go :).

Boys are funny and very loving! Your son sounds like a little sweetheart :-)
I'm the same I will always encourage Luke to do things but I won't force him, unless he is trying to pull a sick day off school hehe then I make him go lol.
Yes I'm going to be brave and send him out into the big bad world. I shall look forward to all his stories and seeing the massive smile on his face when he gets back. Thanks for your support bittersweet :-)

[petrified]

Lol

Don't get there or your own funeral too early!

I'm with you on the late thing though. It's a pet peeve of mine. People who don't stick to times send me off!

Look for the perfect time to arrive, like 5 /7 mins....not 20 mins early!

I'm glad if I've been able to help. :)

Haha good plan and nope I don't plan on getting to my own funeral for a long while yet lol.