Fear of loss...is making me loose everything

[BethBluebell]

Hi my name is Beth, I'm 25 years old and suffer from anxiety and anger of which I'm only now ready to admit. I sat down today and wrote out every trigger, reaction, fear that I have and it all boiled down to one thing. The fear of loss. I have pushed people away from me in the past due to my anxiety which ultimately results in anger. I'm an expert in pushing people away to test if they will come back. I'm now with someone who means everything on earth to me and I'm petrified if I don't try and change this now then I will loose him too. It's the loneliest place to be and I've no idea how to help myself out of this. If there is anyone out there who can relate I'd be forever grateful to hear from you. X

[lucy88]

You made the right step admiting to your self that you feel like this. I push people away to see if they come back i always do it because i always get hurt i do that so if and whe they come back i have that security. Have you spoke to your partner about the way you feel? X

[NixonRulz]

Hi my name is Beth, I'm 25 years old and suffer from anxiety and anger of which I'm only now ready to admit. I sat down today and wrote out every trigger, reaction, fear that I have and it all boiled down to one thing. The fear of loss. I have pushed people away from me in the past due to my anxiety which ultimately results in anger. I'm an expert in pushing people away to test if they will come back. I'm now with someone who means everything on earth to me and I'm petrified if I don't try and change this now then I will loose him too. It's the loneliest place to be and I've no idea how to help myself out of this. If there is anyone out there who can relate I'd be forever grateful to hear from you. X

Hi, Beth. Nice to have you here

Great that you put your logical mind, and not an anxious mind to work by really digging in and finding what you believe is your issue

But don't stop there. Why change gears now when you are on a roll?

Since you identify your anxiety revolves around you losing people, you also need to understand that your anxious mind is the force that is driving your irrational fears

Anxiety likes to do battle with you. Always trying to sneak back in and control your thoughts

The issue arises when you start buying into the false realities

When you start to feel you want to push someone away, cut that thought down as it is not what you want, it's what your anxiety wants

Do this for a bit and your anxiety will throw up the white flag

If you stop fearing, anxiety has no fuel to survive

[BethBluebell]

Thank you so much for your reply. He's incredibly understanding and we have spoken about it to some extent. Our relationship is so strong day to day and he's the most trustworthy and supportive partner yet I still find issue over the smallest things which set my anxiety off which leads to awful arguments and such hurtful words. The arguments are rare, but when anxiety hits I just cannot shake it off and run us both into the ground.
Have you been able to find ways to control the need to push people away in a test? I too believe its due to being very hurt in the past
Thank you Lucy

[BethBluebell]

You are so right NixonRulz, it's irrational fear sparked from false realities that conjures up panic and anxiety. Anxiety always leads to anger and for me to attack the situation...which ends up being my partner. Even during the waves of panic I am begging myself to stop. I know the chain I can write it down step by step and it always takes the same route. I now need to break it. Thank you for such an insightful caring response x

[lucy88]

Thank you so much for your reply. He's incredibly understanding and we have spoken about it to some extent. Our relationship is so strong day to day and he's the most trustworthy and supportive partner yet I still find issue over the smallest things which set my anxiety off which leads to awful arguments and such hurtful words. The arguments are rare, but when anxiety hits I just cannot shake it off and run us both into the ground.
Have you been able to find ways to control the need to push people away in a test? I too believe its due to being very hurt in the past
Thank you Lucy

No i havent found a way yet i hate doing it but its just part of me it makes me feel important if i push someone away and they dont go i just have no belife i my self. Its good that he is supportive for you i think when you have anciety its good to have support wether its a partner or a friend. X

[BethBluebell]

There is nothing more crushing than seeing the effect that pushing someone away has. I can only imagine that being on the other side of it causes confusion worry and doubt. I suffer from insecurities and these are deep rooted in the need to test and push for validation that everything is ok. Somehow we've got to find that answer in ourselves, not through others. Do you have people who support you or a close partner who knows what you are going through?

[lucy88]

There is nothing more crushing than seeing the effect that pushing someone away has. I can only imagine that being on the other side of it causes confusion worry and doubt. I suffer from insecurities and these are deep rooted in the need to test and push for validation that everything is ok. Somehow we've got to find that answer in ourselves, not through others. Do you have people who support you or a close partner who knows what you are going through?

I have a partner but he isnt supportive at all he is 2 busy on his xbox my family aint bithered either. But i have a friend who knows what anxiety is like and i can talk to them and its been a great help to have some one to speak to. If you want to inbox me you can, yeah that is true only we can find the answers x