Fear of loss..is making me loose everything

[BethBluebell]

Hi my name is Beth, I'm 25 years old and suffer from anxiety and anger of which I'm only now ready to admit. I sat down today and wrote out every trigger, reaction, fear that I have and it all boiled down to one thing. The fear of loss. I have pushed people away from me in the past due to my anxiety which ultimately results in anger. I'm an expert in pushing people away to test if they will come back. I'm now with someone who means everything on earth to me and I'm petrified if I don't try and change this now then I will loose him too. It's the loneliest place to be and I've no idea how to help myself out of this. If there is anyone out there who can relate I'd be forever grateful to hear from you. X

[amielou]

Hi Beth, i'm Amie I'm also 25 and suffer from really bad anxiety. I can totally relate to you except rather than having anxiety and pushing away partners I have severe anxiety about my best friend, i'm terrified i'm going to lose her to someone else and the fear of her rejecting me is breaking me down really badly. I've been doing a course of CBT which I think is helping me deal with the issue of even if something did happen I would be ok, it is teaching me not to be afraid of these things anymore and to know that I will always be ok. It's hard to put your trust in someone when you have so much fear but slowly and surely you will be able to do it :) X

[lostmyself22]

Hi there,

I am 30 and also have a massive fear of losing my partner. (u are not alone) I too have pushed everyone else away through 1 thing or another. I have had mild anxiety since losing my mum when I was 16, but started with bad anxiety after losing a child while pregnant.
since then I have had a little boy (I have 2 boys in total), that at the first sign of anything wrong sends me into panic. so I also have a fear of losing them.
I then split with their father, and am now with my soul mate! my best friend!! he has been so supportive but I know if this carries on I will eventually push him away too :(
My panic attacks happen if I don't know where he is, or if hes late without letting me know.
Last week my sister asked me to look at some dates for going out for the night and staying in a hotel with her (which I have done many times before) and just the thought of being away from him for the night sent me into panic!!! I went to the doctor and am now on antidepressants.
I have had a course of CBT which helped me come to terms with and deal with why I have anxiety, so I believe this really helped (although very difficult) so now on the tablets and is helping with my depression related to my anxiety. but as far as my anxiety is concerned, I have no idea what is next :( I have another appointment at the doctors in 2 weeks time so im sure I will be going with another massive list of questions looking for the answers I need.

hope this helps, and u find comfort in this site as I have.

keep in touch and good luck

Gem x

[KatyFan]

I have a best friend that really helps me. But my first fear is losing her. So I constantly seek reassurance and each time she says that she won't just abandon me.
Then..I worry that I'm overwhelming her so I ask her if I am. Probably makes it true. If she doesn't talk to me for awhile I automatically think the worst. I don't NEED her to text me every day..I just wish that I would believe that she's still my friend.
My attitude sounds annoying. I'm not overbearing. I can control my actions,but I cannot control the deep fear I have. I only want normal relationships. So yes I know how all of you feel.

[jangar]

I have fear of losing my mother. I live with her now and she helps me when I get anxiety attacks = she will go grocery shopping for me or get me cigarettes, etc. But she is 86 years old. She is not in good health but she does pretty good for an 86 year old. She says that my anxiety is taking away some of her strength by worrying about me. She is ALL I have (since I pushed EVERYONE out of my life) and I just don't know what to do - I know it is gonna happen and soon but I am wasting my time with these stupid anxiety attacks = that's all my life is right now.

[JohnC]

I am with ya jangar. I worry all the time about losing a love one from death. Parents, wife and kids. If i start thinking about it a panic attack will surely follow But you know what i have been worrying my whole life about losing my parents and that's a lot of lost day's worrying. Wish i had them back. Yes, it's gonna happen and can't stop it.

[Anne1221]

I'm right with you too jangar! I thought I was the only one since so many who post have health anxiety. Several times a day I have to talk myself down from the anxiety...you'll be okay, here's what you'll do.. etc. Some of the day I'm not even living in the present because I'm so worried about the "what if". It's awful! The only thing that seems to help is staying busy and keeping myself occupied with other things.

[superchick22684]

Hi my name is Beth, I'm 25 years old and suffer from anxiety and anger of which I'm only now ready to admit. I sat down today and wrote out every trigger, reaction, fear that I have and it all boiled down to one thing. The fear of loss. I have pushed people away from me in the past due to my anxiety which ultimately results in anger. I'm an expert in pushing people away to test if they will come back. I'm now with someone who means everything on earth to me and I'm petrified if I don't try and change this now then I will loose him too. It's the loneliest place to be and I've no idea how to help myself out of this. If there is anyone out there who can relate I'd be forever grateful to hear from you. X

Hi Beth,
I'm 30 and have a fear of loss as well. When I was younger I went through a short period of time of about five years when several family members and close friends passed away. As a direct result of that I've had quite an issue with pushing people away. Its messed up quite a few of my romantic relationships. The person I'm currently with had to deal with a lot when we first started dating. I used to constantly assume that anytime something off happened with our relationship that he was just going to dump me over it. It took a lot of time to build up a sense of trust but things are so much better now than they were a little over a year ago.
He did go on a trip for four days about a week ago though and my anxiety and depression symptoms were terrible. When I talked to my therapist about it that helped me out a lot.
Are you on medication or in therapy??

[Pumpkin]

Hi beth, I also deal with anxiety and anger. My anxiety can cause me such bad irritation and stress sometimes and I tend to take it out on other people. It has put a real weight on a lot of my relationships with family and friends and it can be very hard to deal with. I'm 18 and haven't ever been in a relationship with a guy just because i'm scared to commit to someone knowing how bad my anxiety can be. I often worry about the future because I want to get married but I'm afraid I won't find anyone that can deal with me. I like to be alone when i'm stressed and anxious which would make it difficult to have to deal with another person under the circumstances.

I think you should try talking to your boyfriend about your anxiety and explain to him how it might make you act. A lot of the time the people around us are very supportive of our anxiety and will do whatever it takes to help us through the long and hard journey we go through living with it. Also, if you haven't already done so, you might want to think about talking to your doctor. Therapy and/or medication might be helpful for you.

Also remember if you're ever feeling too anxious or angry, just take a few minutes to sit down and breathe. Drop whatever you're doing and just relax. These few minutes can really make a big difference in our feelings and behaviour. Good luck :D

[littleme]

Same here, except that instead of pushing people away, I become needy and clingy and have panic attacks whenever my beloved asks for time apart (he has PTSD and does the pushing away thing big time when he' stressed). So I guess in a way I'm also engaged in pushing him away - because nothing turns someone off a romantic partner faster than neediness! Luckily we are far enough into the relationship that we have acknowledged that we love each other and know about each other's anxiety disorder. He has been as reassuring as he can be (within the limits of his own condition). He tells me: "You're not going to lose me." It's hard to believe it sometimes though, when my reaction to him needing time apart is so irrational!

Keep posting here - it always helps to know you're not alone. I feel like a crazy person sometimes, until I talk to someone who 'gets' it. Hang in there. Talk to your partner. It's important he understands how you are feeling. You will need his support, but it's also important to let him know that he can't 'fix' you with his love either - only you can do that. But you need support, and the less anxiety you have about this issue, the easier it will be to move past these feelings. Hugs if you need them :-)

[raggamuffin]

Congratulations on tracing things back to a core belief. i pushed people away for many years for fear of abandonment. This was one of my core beliefs as well as a bigger one which is emptiness which i've yet to tackle. you need to purge the core belief and replace the egative emotions until you can look back on them without negative emotions.

Have a read through and see what suits you best:

https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=changing%20core%20beliefs

Ed