Night 4 of little sleep

[bittersweetgirl]

When does this end? When do they throw me in the hospital? I thought I'd slept through the night and woke up in a panic about getting the kids to school (always a fight), and realized I'd slept ONE HOUR. On the max dose of meds allowed. It's 2:30 AM now. I've been up til 4 or 5 AM the past 3 nights too, and slept about 30 min during each day. I start an outpatient program tomorrow (restarting) and I don't think I can get my kids to school. Can't drive. Can't drive to the program. Ex is out of town for a week, and my mom can't drive in the mornings, for some reason. Everyone else works and I can't go calling around to figure this out. I can't even think straight. A cab? What do I do? I look like I've been hit by a truck.

[leahxox]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been up till at least 4 or 5 the last few nights... I sometimes think I just want to be taken to the hospital so they can put me to sleep and snap me out of this because it just doesn't make sense. Sleep is supposed to come naturally, we both just don't get to have that I guess :( Unfortunately I can't be too much help to you because I'm currently in between jobs so I luckily can sleep in during the day... But I've been so stressed thinking about if I get the job I interviewed for how I will wake up in the morning and function. If you really aren't comfortable driving, just get a cab- no biggie! :) I know everyone says it, but thinking about the things you have to do will just make you feel worse. A lot of times while I'm stuck awake I'll look at old photos or watch a funny tv show... I actually just painted my nails to pass the time. I wish you luck and will keep you in my prayers that we both will finally get the rest we deserve :) sorry for the rant... I tend to go on and on and on lol

[bittersweetgirl]

I can't believe we're both up again! I've been sort of wishing (and afraid too) they'd put me in the hospital to knock me out, Michael Jackson style without the sad result! But I think I'd be mortified later. I don't work right now, so in theory could sleep a bit after kids are gone... but am going to that program at 10:30 - too far to take a cab but I could maybe find a ride by then if I still don't sleep. I'm afraid the counselors and doctors will take one look at me and admit me. I've been considering getting a job soon, and I too worry a lot about how I'll handle that with these sleeping problems.
I ate something and took another Valium (been quite a few hours since the last one), and now I feel sick to my stomach. Last thing I need.

I wish you luck too - I feel a bit more peaceful knowing there's someone out there rooting for me :) I've got lots of books I want to read - I'll try that, or maybe paint my nails - that sounds cheery!

[leahxox]

I can't believe we're both up again! I've been sort of wishing (and afraid too) they'd put me in the hospital to knock me out, Michael Jackson style without the sad result! But I think I'd be mortified later. I don't work right now, so in theory could sleep a bit after kids are gone... but am going to that program at 10:30 - too far to take a cab but I could maybe find a ride by then if I still don't sleep. I'm afraid the counselors and doctors will take one look at me and admit me. I've been considering getting a job soon, and I too worry a lot about how I'll handle that with these sleeping problems. I ate something and took another Valium (been quite a few hours since the last one), and now I feel sick to my stomach. Last thing I need. I wish you luck too - I feel a bit more peaceful knowing there's someone out there rooting for me :) I've got lots of books I want to read - I'll try that, or maybe paint my nails - that sounds cheery!

From my experience, we always think that we look way worse than we actually do. I don't think they'll admit you. Whenever I'm really anxious my stomach gets really upset too :( which makes it even worse! And I completely agree- it totally gives me peace of mind to hear back from you guys :) things will get better for us, they might just take a while. Trying to stay positive :)

[meichmann]

I am going through the same thing. I haven't been sleeping good for about the past week and a half. Yesterday I was on my laptop sitting on the recliner and I nodded off I was so tired.

I hope you get back on track with sleeping.

[Enduronman]

Oh no!!!

I'm hoping that we can somehow help you find the way to finally get some rest, without sleep, comes bigger problems friends...
Thinking of you all and sending some sleepy thoughts your way too!!...

Make this day a good day..

Enduronman.. :)

[bittersweetgirl]

Better day today! Went back to my outpatient program, got some more social support (in addition to the support here :) ), and changed up the meds a bit (saw the psychiatrist) so I've got higher hopes for peaceful sleep tonight. Psychiatrist told me that the boyfriend who led me on and then abruptly dumped me is an asshole :), which cracked me up, and (more professionally) likely has an untreated personality disorder. Now I feel more like I'm the "winner" in all of this. That guy has to live with his dumb choices for the rest of his life (he had a short abusive marriage to a much younger woman that produced a cranky kid who is a serious handful - he knows she likely inherited their personality disorders). I can hopefully recover from my childhood trauma and move on to something far better. Obviously not quite at the happy stage where I'm wishing the best for that jerk, but oh well.

This doesn't guarantee better sleep for me, but it's a start... wishing the best for all of us!! Meichmann, you too - that's a long time without good sleep. I'm going nuts after "just" 4 nights of this.

[Enduronman]

Yes!!!..
You are making some shit happen and I am pleasantly amazed that this is all happening today!!
New meds.....YAY!!!!
A Pysch with a sense of humor....YAY!!!!
Your story is hilarious and I love the presentation....YAY!!!
And, you seem overall happier with all of these results too...and a good nights sleep is awaiting you... YAY YAY!!!!....

Okay, maybe the yay's are abit much but its a Trademark sign of happiness for you in your new endeavors... FTW!

Enduronman... :)

[NixonRulz]

Better day today! Went back to my outpatient program, got some more social support (in addition to the support here :) ), and changed up the meds a bit (saw the psychiatrist) so I've got higher hopes for peaceful sleep tonight. Psychiatrist told me that the boyfriend who led me on and then abruptly dumped me is an asshole :), which cracked me up, and (more professionally) likely has an untreated personality disorder. Now I feel more like I'm the "winner" in all of this. That guy has to live with his dumb choices for the rest of his life (he had a short abusive marriage to a much younger woman that produced a cranky kid who is a serious handful - he knows she likely inherited their personality disorders). I can hopefully recover from my childhood trauma and move on to something far better. Obviously not quite at the happy stage where I'm wishing the best for that jerk, but oh well. This doesn't guarantee better sleep for me, but it's a start... wishing the best for all of us!! Meichmann, you too - that's a long time without good sleep. I'm going nuts after "just" 4 nights of this.

That is some good news today

You gotta get your zzzzzzzz's

And I want that doc for mine

Always a pleasant surprise when they actually seem human

[bittersweetgirl]

I have two great docs! They are actually friends :). They always make me feel better.

I think I'm a bit nutty and punchy from lack of sleep, so am up and down now... so we'll see how this carries out tonight! The Walgreen's pharmacy people must be like, "yep, here she comes again...." I keep changing meds and doses, and then there's my kid with her meds too. Just had an half-hour-long argument because she wants to sleep at school, not at home - what?? The world is unraveling a bit! I might switch to sleeping on the sofa tonight - sometimes a change in sleep location works wonders.