Am i stupid?

[AmberGbenga]

So mike is gonna hate this... If he see's it.. But god I need help!!!!

Well, we broke up.. Yet again. Why? Because of my anxiety!!! How can I possibly get better and concentrate on myself while in a relationship.. Let alone a long distance stressful relationship.. I can to the conclusion that I just can't... Lord knows I love him dearly and I WANT things to work.. Just... I can't right now.. I can't work on a relationship, building my life back, overcoming anxiety and depression, as well as everything else... I just bloody cant... Not at this point in time... But that just isn't enough for him.. Which is fair enough I understand if that happened to me I'd drop it like a bag of shit.

He says I've been 'stringing him along'' playing with his heart' etc.... Honestly I don't even believe that for a moment... I'm simply trying to figure out what the fuck I'm ment to do!!! WHAT AM I DOING?!!!

Am I being stupid? Self centered? A horrible person?

... I just can't tell if I'm making the right decision.. It feels right, then when I need to talk to someone I think of going to him straight away.. When a love song comes on my mind flatteres straight to him, hell I can't even bring myself to change my FB status to single...

Please help me :'(

[raggamuffin]

Nope I don't think you are. I'm going to remain single until I get my life more where I want to be. It's not selfish or self centred to want to work on bettering yourself. A relationship needs two people to be happy and working together to work out properly. If you're unhappy and it's causing additional stress then it makes sense to end things.

As for his comments, he's upset. People say things when they're upset that are often hurtful or evoking guilt. Give it time and he'll calm down. In the mean time try and focus on your anxietyt and getting better. It will take time but it'll be worth it in the end. I ended a relationship recently because she and I both have anxiety and we were just bouncing off one another instead of the initial notion that we'd be able to help and understand one another.

For some people relationships can help when you're anxious but for a lot of people they'll add more emotionjal ups and downs and hinder rather than help an anxious person.

Ed

[jessed03]

I don't think you're selfish or a bad person Amber.

Just confused, like we all are or have been at one time or another.

I think Mike will read this, he is on the forum now after all. I don't wanna sound like I know what's going on in your lives when you log out of the forum, as apparently I was a little off last time :)

So I'll just say that sometimes anxiety can take so much energy from you, and so much concentration, that it just lives room for very little else. There's just so little left to give.

I was the same as Ed. I chose not to date seriously until my anxiety was under control, and even as it's improved, I still choose not to date seriously, as I don't feel I have that in me yet. (Just a personal choice, not a recommendation)

But sometimes relationships aren't all about giving. Some relationships involve a lot of receiving as well, and that can be really nice when you have to give a lot of yourself to the condition. To receive love, to receive support, to receive advice and attention - they can all be nice things things to be given when you're exhausted.

I do wanna be impartial here, as Mike is a forum member now, and is a nice guy.

It's a hard one.

You say he's given you a lot in your posts. Sometimes that isn't enough to offset the energy and emotion and time you have to invest in a relationship though. It really does vary person by person.

When I thought of breaking off my long distance, I took some time away. Around a month. We never spoke. I focused on everything I needed to focus on, without any distraction. After that month I decided which period worked better for me. Which period gave me more energy, and made me feel more stable. I asked which I felt gave me the best chance of recovery - The one with her, or the one without her.

In my case it was the one without her.

Best of luck. To both of you!

[BlessedMom]

So mike is gonna hate this... If he see's it.. But god I need help!!!!

Well, we broke up.. Yet again. Why? Because of my anxiety!!! How can I possibly get better and concentrate on myself while in a relationship.. Let alone a long distance stressful relationship.. I can to the conclusion that I just can't... Lord knows I love him dearly and I WANT things to work.. Just... I can't right now.. I can't work on a relationship, building my life back, overcoming anxiety and depression, as well as everything else... I just bloody cant... Not at this point in time... But that just isn't enough for him.. Which is fair enough I understand if that happened to me I'd drop it like a bag of shit.

He says I've been 'stringing him along'' playing with his heart' etc.... Honestly I don't even believe that for a moment... I'm simply trying to figure out what the fuck I'm ment to do!!! WHAT AM I DOING?!!!

Am I being stupid? Self centered? A horrible person?

... I just can't tell if I'm making the right decision.. It feels right, then when I need to talk to someone I think of going to him straight away.. When a love song comes on my mind flatteres straight to him, hell I can't even bring myself to change my FB status to single...

Please help me :'(

Nope you are not being stupid. Just slow down and don't worry about the FB status its not relevant to anything in the big scheme of things anyway :) You do not have to fix everything at once.

[Enduronman]

Well,..considering that I always mess with you, and other people too..
I was going to say something kind of funny, and pick on you, like a big brother would..but, I won't..
No, you're not being stupid to take the time to focus on yourself friend..jus sayin..

Hope you have a better day today and we're here if you need us too!!

E-Man... :)

[Dahila]

Amber, I can not help you in this situation, you need to decide yourself, I just stupidly believe in love.

It sound like me and my ex husband for twenty years we were breaking up regularly, finally I did not go back , one day. I still have feelings for him will have to the end of my life, he is the father of my two children...
That breaking up and making up and breaking up, added so much to the state I am today. It is not good. If you guys can not be together, let it go.

When are you together, do you break up so much too? Or is this long distance thingy?

[sapper84]

I don't hate this, the only thing I hate is not knowing what this whole month was even about. I hate trying so hard and giving you everything you needed just for it to not be enough. I hate having faith , pushing my own worries and fears aside just to see them come true. Standing by your side yet standing alone the entire time

[AmberGbenga]

Thank you everyone, dahila... Well no we bicker but nothing like when we are away from eachother.. I love him dearly and I imagine if we were together that things would probably be different.. But it's just not possible to be with eachother without me being better.. ( I'd need to get on a plane again) and we would need to marry for me to live there.. I admit I've been irrational... But I really just want to get better... I can't handle being like this anymore and regardless of what I do I'm overthinking... Like when we were together is obsess aboui how to make it work, what I need to do, what I would do if it didn't work etc.. Now I'm obsessing with if I'm makin the right choice, with a lot of what the fuck are you doing thoughts... But it feels right then again it feels wrong.... Ahhhhhhh so much inner turmoil!!!!

[sapper84]

Amber, time will show you the way. Regardless of what's going on now you will be happy again. Life goes on

[sapper84]

Also, when we are together we didn't argue at all. When we're apart we argue but I never once left your side. I always stuck by you. No matter how bad it got. I never gave up on you. My love was truly unconditional. I would drop everything just to make sure you were OK. I gave you my all. I did everything right by you.I gave up on love til I met you.

[AmberGbenga]

If I had either anxiety or we lived with distance I think it would be ok... But I can live with both.... I think

[sapper84]

You can live with both? Really?

[AmberGbenga]

I can't live with both *

[NixonRulz]

Amber - the time to think and question a potential decision is before you make it

Make the decision and never question it and stay the course

You and Mike have history and are both good people

You can't decide to do something and keep asking if it is the right one

Do what you think is right for you and if it is with him, go all out and don;t look back

You two seem to thrive on each other and perhaps you already know the answer here

At this point, from a neutral person, you both sound as you need each other and couldn't be truly happy without the other

[sapper84]

Maybe in a perfect world where shit makes sense and love is unconditional

[NixonRulz]

Maybe in a perfect world where shit makes sense and love is unconditional

That isn't helping!

[AmberGbenga]

Not it's not

[sapper84]

I more than realize how far from perfect it all was

[sapper84]

Can't help what's already dead

[NixonRulz]

Can't help what's already dead

Well now you sound as if you are giving up

That isn't gonna make anything happen

[jjh333]

whether it is together or apart, I hope you find what is best!

[NixonRulz]

You all doing okay today?

[Niicole Lynne]

You all doing okay today?

Having a rough time this morning
Keep obsessing over the same thoughts that cause me anxiety and feeling really detached from everything
Have to go to work right away and i just feel blah about it

[AmberGbenga]

Nix, well it feels illegal to be up this early 5 hours sleep and on my way to therapy before work... This bitch is dedicated hahaha

[NixonRulz]

Nix, well it feels illegal to be up this early 5 hours sleep and on my way to therapy before work... This bitch is dedicated hahaha

I love me some dedicated bitches!

[AmberGbenga]

Hahahaha bitches be dedicated round here

[sapper84]

Bahahahahahaha creepiness

[NixonRulz]

Bahahahahahaha creepiness

I don't get it

What's creepy?

Inside joke, perhaps?

[AmberGbenga]

No it's not an inside joke.

[sapper84]

Lol no its not an inside joke

[NixonRulz]

As much as I am interested in how things play out, and this is a first here by the way

I need a little more explanation so I can follow the bouncing ball in this saga

[jessed03]

LOL Nixon, it's not an inside joke

[sapper84]

Sorry but this saga as it should have been from the start is no longer a public spectacle. I have no inclination to entertain others with a private matter. This is not a soap opera, this is peoples lives and the more it continues to be broadcasted like a sitcom the more damage it does. I do not need to explain or defend myself nor should amber.

[NixonRulz]

Sorry but this saga as it should have been from the start is no longer a public spectacle. I have no inclination to entertain others with a private matter. This is not a soap opera, this is peoples lives and the more it continues to be broadcasted like a sitcom the more damage it does. I do not need to explain or defend myself nor should amber.

Whoah Cool the jets, Khrushchev

I am just trying to get what is happening here

Amber is one of my favorite people here. She is awesome and sweet as you know

Then you came in

Seem like a stand up guy and glad she is, or was with a stand up guy like you

I just want the story to end in a great way. Like a Lifetime movie

Its not a spectacle. Its our friends finding their way

[sapper84]

There is nothing for you to get, you need to respect mine and ambers wishes. As she has said, things change and I'm done with this madness. I never liked my business on blast like this but put up with it for amber. That is over with and can't stand it anymore. You people are not helping the situation.

[NixonRulz]

There is nothing for you to get, you need to respect mine and ambers wishes. As she has said, things change and I'm done with this madness. I never liked my business on blast like this but put up with it for amber. That is over with and can't stand it anymore. You people are not helping the situation.

Ok I get that. I hear you

But didn't you join in the midst of all of this and start posting stuff about it?

[jessed03]

There is nothing for you to get, you need to respect mine and ambers wishes. As she has said, things change and I'm done with this madness. I never liked my business on blast like this but put up with it for amber. That is over with and can't stand it anymore. You people are not helping the situation.

Then why are you here man? You realize you being here, arguing with your (ex?) gf on an Internet forum makes it a public thing right?

That was all you...

It wasn't us that made countless posts about your relationship. Only a week or two ago you made one yourself saying it's over, fuck it. And airing all your stuff out. If you don't like it, then stop...

[Enduronman]

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?25488-fuck-it

[sapper84]

I did it for amber. Put the shoe on the other foot.

[sapper84]

You guys are starting to test my patients. I'm asking you to respect it. If you can't handle that then that's on you

[NixonRulz]

You guys are starting to test my patients. I'm asking you to respect it. If you can't handle that then that's on you

Mike, why the change in attitude?

You surely know that we all met and befriended Amber and have been speaking with her for quite a bit

She is a big help to many here and we have tries to help her as well

Not just about you. Actually, that didnt happen until later

We aren't trying to test your patience

Just dont know where this is all coming from

[Dahila]

Then why are you here man? You realize you being here, arguing with your (ex?) gf on an Internet forum makes it a public thing right?

That was all you...

It wasn't us that made countless posts about your relationship. Only a week or two ago you made one yourself saying it's over, fuck it. And airing all your stuff out. If you don't like it, then stop...

I agree with Jesse, and guys it is very disgusting to wash your laundry public. That public fights and F***knows what else is very degrading to you both.... stop doing it. Let it be. If your life start like that, there is not future for you, but there is pain, shame and people will laugh at you for very good reasons.
WTF how anyone can talk about things which suppose to be between two people on the forum....the forum or crazies...You both are bad!!!!

It does not matter that I like you both. It is still disgusting

[jessed03]

You guys are starting to test my patients. I'm asking you to respect it. If you can't handle that then that's on you

That's fine. I get that. Whilst there are threads, we're gonna respond to them, that's kinda obvious. Especially as people here like Amber. If you stop talking about it, and Amber doesn't bring it up, then it will leave people's minds and be forgotten about. Whilst you post, or Ambers posts... It's never gonna be private is it?

If you've talked to Amber, and neither of you will post about your relationship anymore, then that's fine. You can leave this thread to drop off the bottom, and it'll stop being talked about.

Nobody said you don't deserve a right to privacy, you just aren't really going about it in the right way, that's all.

I'll put it out there for you. I won't comment on your relationship anymore, at all. I'll leave it to you both man.

[NixonRulz]

I'll put it out there for you. I won't comment on your relationship anymore, at all. I'll leave it to you both man.[/QUOTE]

Ok. I gotta know how this story ends.

I cant just not read the last chapter

I need a happy ending here

[AmberGbenga]

Jesus fucking Christ!!!! All I wanted was for people I respects opinion because all this bullshit IS DRIVIN ME CRAZY! I'm soo sorry everyone.. This has gotten out if control.. I will just have to deal with this shit by myself... No more posts. I'm done this is fucking bullshit.... Your all amazing people and mike STOP BEING NASTY! Shit Jesus fuck.. This is not what I wanted I just need help, I'm fickin crying for help... I'm through.

[Dahila]

I do not think it is going to be happy ending here, Amber you know how I like you? You guys need to grow up. Support you have all you need here, but without talking directly about your relationship. It is just not healthy for anyone.... Sorry I got upset

[AmberGbenga]

There is no more to talk about dahila.

[Dahila]

Good Amber you deserve better that suffer all the time, the progress you make, it is difficult not to respect and like you, my dear Aussie:))

[sapper84]

OK let's get one thing clear. I am NOT being nasty. I am being straight forward and asking nicely out of respect for you amber and these good hearted people.

[sapper84]

There is no happy ending. You people wanted the final chapter well I received it via text. Not a phone call but a text. Its completely over with. In the span of 2 hours she managed to "think" about it and made a decision. And informed me in a 3 line text.

[jessed03]

There is no happy ending. You people wanted the final chapter well I received it via text. Not a phone call but a text. Its completely over with. In the span of 2 hours she managed to "think" about it and made a decision. And informed me in a 3 line text.

I'm sorry to hear that.

[BrokenWings001]

So mike is gonna hate this... If he see's it.. But god I need help!!!!

Well, we broke up.. Yet again. Why? Because of my anxiety!!! How can I possibly get better and concentrate on myself while in a relationship.. Let alone a long distance stressful relationship.. I can to the conclusion that I just can't... Lord knows I love him dearly and I WANT things to work.. Just... I can't right now.. I can't work on a relationship, building my life back, overcoming anxiety and depression, as well as everything else... I just bloody cant... Not at this point in time... But that just isn't enough for him.. Which is fair enough I understand if that happened to me I'd drop it like a bag of shit.

He says I've been 'stringing him along'' playing with his heart' etc.... Honestly I don't even believe that for a moment... I'm simply trying to figure out what the fuck I'm ment to do!!! WHAT AM I DOING?!!!

Am I being stupid? Self centered? A horrible person?

... I just can't tell if I'm making the right decision.. It feels right, then when I need to talk to someone I think of going to him straight away.. When a love song comes on my mind flatteres straight to him, hell I can't even bring myself to change my FB status to single...

Please help me :'(

I was in a relationship for 5yrs. We had 2 kids and it was on and off because him and i both suffer from different things. Were divorced now but still friends or trying to be. Please believe me when i say focusing on your health is better all around. Just because you're takin care of yourself doesn't change the fact you love him and if he truly loves you, i think he should be open to the idea of giving you space to deal. Hang tough hun. You'll get there.

[sapper84]

Yeah well its not what happens to you that's important but how you react. I've been down this road many times before. Def not my first rodeo.

[sapper84]

I was in a relationship for 5yrs. We had 2 kids and it was on and off because him and i both suffer from different things. Were divorced now but still friends or trying to be. Please believe me when i say focusing on your health is better all around. Just because you're takin care of yourself doesn't change the fact you love him and if he truly loves you, i think he should be open to the idea of giving you space to deal. Hang tough hun. You'll get there.

I did give her space then 2 hours later ended it for good. Fairy tales are better left to books and movies.

[BrokenWings001]

I did give her space then 2 hours later ended it for good. Fairy tales are better left to books and movies.

Fairy tales and movies are fake. Love and life are real. The sad truth they don't tell people is love changes. It can be strong, short, lastin, or little but its there. You just have to find the one that wants what you want. Love is work. Respect. Understanding. I hope you both find love and peace.

[sapper84]

Fairy tales and movies are fake. Love and life are real. The sad truth they don't tell people is love changes. It can be strong, short, lastin, or little but its there. You just have to find the one that wants what you want. Love is work. Respect. Understanding. I hope you both find love and peace.

That's all fine and dandy. My love is now the army, my mistress is deployment. And I will do whatever it takes now to see my mistress again. With nothing keeping me here my future is wide open. So whether its back to Afghanistan or somewhere else. I don't care. Love is by no means ever unconditional on both sides. Call me bitter or whatever but love has no place in my life. Just survival and hard work.

[BrokenWings001]

That's all fine and dandy. My love is now the army, my mistress is deployment. And I will do whatever it takes now to see my mistress again. With nothing keeping me here my future is wide open. So whether its back to Afghanistan or somewhere else. I don't care. Love is by no means ever unconditional on both sides. Call me bitter or whatever but love has no place in my life. Just survival and hard work.

That is your choice and opinion and i absolutely respect it although its not my own. Good luck and stay safe. I'm here for anyone who wants a friend.

[sapper84]

That is your choice and opinion and i absolutely respect it although its not my own. Good luck and stay safe. I'm here for anyone who wants a friend.
Then be there for amber because she needs friends more than I do. I've got my brothers and don't need any more than that. Never have and never will

[BrokenWings001]

Again. Your choice. Good day. :)

[sapper84]

My choice is to make sure amber is OK. I'm still there for her no matter what and she knows this. I'm covered on people I can go to in times of need if it ever arises.

[jessed03]

Must be nice to have something you can find solace in. I've never had much like that. Just had to take the hits head on, nothing to put all of that passion into.

Stuff turns you self destructive when you've got nowhere to put it.

At least you can go from love, to serving your country. There's no way to lose there as far as inner value goes. When I broke up with the girl I loved, I just became a waste, drinking too much, staying at the casino. Pointless.

Are you gonna stick around here?

[sapper84]

That I do not know, my job is all about combat and my unit has been training up for something. Should already be in Afghanistan but we got pulled. Maybe I'll get lucky and go. I've been where you're at Jesse, it sucks and can be hard to pull out of. But once you tap into your true inner strength, there is nothing you can't handle. We all have that strength, but once you give up, you give in to your weakness and end up worse than before. Doomed to make the same mistakes, push out the wrong people and find yourself with regrets and self loathing. Its not a matter of not caring but knowing your worth and if someone can't see it then its their loss. Its them who is missing out on something amazing. Never bow down to your problems. Fight it head on and with a pure heart. When you rise up bloody, bruised and covered in sweat. Know that you still stood back up. Wearing your scars with pride, a battle hardened warrior of your past, living for the present and prepared for the future

[jessed03]

That I do not know, my job is all about combat and my unit has been training up for something. Should already be in Afghanistan but we got pulled. Maybe I'll get lucky and go. I've been where you're at Jesse, it sucks and can be hard to pull out of. But once you tap into your true inner strength, there is nothing you can't handle. We all have that strength, but once you give up, you give in to your weakness and end up worse than before. Doomed to make the same mistakes, push out the wrong people and find yourself with regrets and self loathing. Its not a matter of not caring but knowing your worth and if someone can't see it then its their loss. Its them who is missing out on something amazing. Never bow down to your problems. Fight it head on and with a pure heart. When you rise up bloody, bruised and covered in sweat. Know that you still stood back up. Wearing your scars with pride, a battle hardened warrior of your past, living for the present and prepared for the future

If you wanna go, I hope that happens for you. You sound committed. Your job to be I guess.

Thanks anyway. A bit of the old motivation is always welcome. Soldier style!

Are you and Amber gonna stay in contact. Or is cutting all ties better?

I know I said I won't talk about it, but Im just wondering how you're gonna play it now. Is it all in on army life from here on in, or have you got any other projects you're working on?

If you have any time, you should write some stuff here. Maybe something motivational, why not.. I know you've said you've had your own battles, to fight them and remain a soldier, that ain't easy, you must have learnt a thing or two to be able to do that.

[blondieqtpie]

I've been with my hubby for 12 years and he has seen me go from when my symptoms were worse to better. He doesn't fully understand my panic and anxiety and he sometimes says he thinks its all in my head and has even accused me of taking meds to get high in arguments. Like yeah right ... SSRIs don't make you high.. I hate being on them.
It's not been easy working on myself and overcoming my issues being in a relationship and when we argue it sure does NOT help my anxiety!!!
But he has seen me at my worst... When I used to have depression as well and psychotic flashbacks from my PTSD. Which I have pretty much overcome.
Yes having anxiety and being in a relationship is not easy especially of your partner doesn't fully understand it.
But sometimes with a supportive partner you can.
Mine can and can't be supportive. I think it's hard on him too.
But you do need to focus on you and getting support and helping yourself and only you know if a relationship is right for you or is helping or hindering you.