Tmr789123
02-21-2014, 10:13 AM
So I am new to this forum and just want to start off by saying hello my name is Tim haha.
I have a lot to say an I don't want to put my problems on someone else but I really don't know what to do but the things I'm gonna say are very messed up. Just a warning.
So when I was about 18 (20 now) I was doing drugs very bad and would steal money from anyone. One of these people happened to be my grandparents. I would steal money from them every chance I got to help feed my damn addiction. Messed up I know. I love my grandparents very much and always have and always will. I was so bad on drugs that I simply didn't care at all I needed to get high. Please bare with me. MY grandparents both just passed a couple months ago both deaths were a month apart. I feel like a piece of crap every day of my life for the things I did to them and I really can't take it. I have really cleaned myself up though I don't do drugs anymore whatsoever ANSI do not steal,cheat, lie, and am no longer mean to people. I help anyone every chance I get and I'm doing good things in my life. I hve my own place, a car, a great job, a supporting family and my beautiful cat I love to be around.A couple weeks ago i started having bad panic attacks. I'm too afraid to go out because I fear having one while I'm driving or am out. I've been out of work for almost two weeks now. Y uncle owns the business I work at so no need to worry about being fired. I never got to say goodbye to y grandparents neither did I ever get to say sorry for the things I've done. Can my anxiety and panic attacks be caused by this. It didn't hit me until abouta week or so ago that thy were gone and I'll never see them again. I really honestly feel that it's never going to get better until I see them again and they tell me everything's okay and I know that's not gonna happen. Idk what to do to get over this. I've been trying to drive a little more every day and my anxiety is getting a little better but the last three attacks I've had we're in a car and now I'm afraid to drive alone or with anyone other than my dad. I don't even want to work for fear it'll happen at work. I'm not afraid of having an attack that much it just really sucks to have one. I just went to a counseled for the first time and I have another appointment next week. Can someone say anything to shed some light on what I should do because I feel like I'm goin nuts. The anxiety of being worried to go out is horrible and is causing me some slight depression. Im too afraid to go to work I dont even want to leave my house and its taking a toll on me. I dont know what to do as I am starting to be depressed and I cant take feeling this way anymore. Nobody I talked to in my everyday life really understands how I feel. My uncle sadly committed suicide because he was having the same exact problems as me and I really feel its coming to that point now.. no one should b afraid to leave their home.
I have a lot to say an I don't want to put my problems on someone else but I really don't know what to do but the things I'm gonna say are very messed up. Just a warning.
So when I was about 18 (20 now) I was doing drugs very bad and would steal money from anyone. One of these people happened to be my grandparents. I would steal money from them every chance I got to help feed my damn addiction. Messed up I know. I love my grandparents very much and always have and always will. I was so bad on drugs that I simply didn't care at all I needed to get high. Please bare with me. MY grandparents both just passed a couple months ago both deaths were a month apart. I feel like a piece of crap every day of my life for the things I did to them and I really can't take it. I have really cleaned myself up though I don't do drugs anymore whatsoever ANSI do not steal,cheat, lie, and am no longer mean to people. I help anyone every chance I get and I'm doing good things in my life. I hve my own place, a car, a great job, a supporting family and my beautiful cat I love to be around.A couple weeks ago i started having bad panic attacks. I'm too afraid to go out because I fear having one while I'm driving or am out. I've been out of work for almost two weeks now. Y uncle owns the business I work at so no need to worry about being fired. I never got to say goodbye to y grandparents neither did I ever get to say sorry for the things I've done. Can my anxiety and panic attacks be caused by this. It didn't hit me until abouta week or so ago that thy were gone and I'll never see them again. I really honestly feel that it's never going to get better until I see them again and they tell me everything's okay and I know that's not gonna happen. Idk what to do to get over this. I've been trying to drive a little more every day and my anxiety is getting a little better but the last three attacks I've had we're in a car and now I'm afraid to drive alone or with anyone other than my dad. I don't even want to work for fear it'll happen at work. I'm not afraid of having an attack that much it just really sucks to have one. I just went to a counseled for the first time and I have another appointment next week. Can someone say anything to shed some light on what I should do because I feel like I'm goin nuts. The anxiety of being worried to go out is horrible and is causing me some slight depression. Im too afraid to go to work I dont even want to leave my house and its taking a toll on me. I dont know what to do as I am starting to be depressed and I cant take feeling this way anymore. Nobody I talked to in my everyday life really understands how I feel. My uncle sadly committed suicide because he was having the same exact problems as me and I really feel its coming to that point now.. no one should b afraid to leave their home.