Struggling wih wifes anxiety

[hurthusband]

Hi all,

I am a new poster on this forum. I myself don't suffer from anxiety but my wife does and I am finding it difficult and thought this forum might help.

I am 25 and my wife is 24, we got married last August and after a stressful 2 years of planning the day went perfectly. The honeymoon however didnt and it has left my wife a shell of her former self.

She was taken ill with a suspected blood clot the day after we arrived home and since then she has suffered majorly with health anxiety issues. Since then it has gradually got worse where she is now not working and just sits at home most of the day ringing me at qork twlling me she is scared and wants me to come home to be with her. The times I am with her she is either crying or flying off the handle screaming and shouting at me and telling me I dont understand. She may be right to a degree but I am trying as best I can to help her but she just wants more and more from me. The latest is that she wants me to quit my job so I can be with her day in day out. Don't get me wrong if I could I would but its just not a possibility wih a house and all the rest to pay for.

I am in desperate need of help, I love my wife more than anything on this planet and I could never leave her as she is truly my world so thats not going through my head at all. I am worried thought that my health is deteriorating and I could end up in a situation where I can no longer help her due to my own incapacitation.

Please give me some advice guys.

Thanks in advance

HurtHusband

[Fourteen14]

Hi all, I am a new poster on this forum. I myself don't suffer from anxiety but my wife does and I am finding it difficult and thought this forum might help. I am 25 and my wife is 24, we got married last August and after a stressful 2 years of planning the day went perfectly. The honeymoon however didnt and it has left my wife a shell of her former self. She was taken ill with a suspected blood clot the day after we arrived home and since then she has suffered majorly with health anxiety issues. Since then it has gradually got worse where she is now not working and just sits at home most of the day ringing me at qork twlling me she is scared and wants me to come home to be with her. The times I am with her she is either crying or flying off the handle screaming and shouting at me and telling me I dont understand. She may be right to a degree but I am trying as best I can to help her but she just wants more and more from me. The latest is that she wants me to quit my job so I can be with her day in day out. Don't get me wrong if I could I would but its just not a possibility wih a house and all the rest to pay for. I am in desperate need of help, I love my wife more than anything on this planet and I could never leave her as she is truly my world so thats not going through my head at all. I am worried thought that my health is deteriorating and I could end up in a situation where I can no longer help her due to my own incapacitation. Please give me some advice guys. Thanks in advance HurtHusband

Hi hurthusband.

Has your wife been to to see a doctor about the anxiety?

It does sound as if her condition is pretty chronic (in that it's persistent and unmanaged) and (if not already) really needs referring for therapy, it's quite possible that if she is in the state you describe in the thread she may need medication initially to enable her to get to a point where she can take the therapy onboard, your doctor will likely discuss this with her.

I agree with Forwells, that trying to pacify her too much will feed the condition, and the bottom line being that as her nearest and dearest you cannot do right for doing wrong at the moment.

You need to try as best you can to allow the comments and temper tantrums to bounce off you (hard I know), but perhaps go into another room and shut the door if things kick off.

Be there to support her, but she sounds like she needs professional help, and it may be a good idea to talk things through with the therapist also, just so you are able to gain perspective and prevent your relationship deteriorating.

Also see if she wants to join the forum too, sometimes venting to strangers is easier than those closest.


Best of luck

[petrified]

Hi and welcome, reading your post is like reading my husbands point of view of how I was a couple of months ago.
For me I had to kind of snap out of it myself. I found this forum went and seen a fab gp who put me on medication and referred me for CBT.
All I can suggest is point her in the right direction of help and keep doing what you are doing by supporting her. For me I just needed that reassurance, from my hubby that I wasn't dying that day.
My hubby used to try and distract me when he could see a panic attack coming on I could see what he was doing and it kinda calmed me to no he cared that much to try and help.
I think someone who has never suffered from anxiety does struggle to understand, so I agree with the rest. Your wife might benefit with just talking to someone on the outside

[hurthusband]

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your kind words.

I must admit at first I would say stuff such as snap out of it or just chill out but quickly realised these were stupid comments that were unhelpful.

She has been having CBT for around 15 weeks now but I dont think this is working, she has also been given a prescription for citalopram but refuses to take it due to the side effects she has read about online.

Sometimes her anger tantrums are scary not for what she will do to me but what she coukd do to herself.

I have tried to get her on forums but she doesnt like to discuss.

I just want to help her

[Fourteen14]

Hi All, Thanks so much for your kind words. I must admit at first I would say stuff such as snap out of it or just chill out but quickly realised these were stupid comments that were unhelpful. She has been having CBT for around 15 weeks now but I dont think this is working, she has also been given a prescription for citalopram but refuses to take it due to the side effects she has read about online. Sometimes her anger tantrums are scary not for what she will do to me but what she coukd do to herself. I have tried to get her on forums but she doesnt like to discuss. I just want to help her

One of the main components for CBT to work is that the client/patient is open to the treatment, sometimes people are not in a place to do it, (15 weeks without any significant progress) would indicate this (it may also be that it is simply not the right therapy for her).

Hypnotherapy may be an option, but again she has to be susceptible to it. I'm not sure counselling will cut the mustard if CBT had little impact.

It is possible that meds are her best option at present, until they kick in she may just be going around in circles. Very hard if she doesn't want to take them though.

Personally I would ask her what she thinks is worse, side effects or feeling the way she does.

[Fourteen14]

To add also that in the event that she gets worse and still refuses to take meds and there is no therapeutic advance, you may need to consider her being hospitalised/part hospitalised to undergo high intensity therapy. (I'm not talking about having her committed) but taking her away from her immediate environment with a specialised team can be of benefit in more severe cases.

Something again to discuss with the doc.

Wishing you the very best of luck for both of you.

[trinidiva]

Even if she doesn't want to come on here and share, she might find it helpful to come on here and read others experiences and things that work for them. Its great that you are going to these lengths to try to understand what she is dealing with.

[trinidiva]

That's a great point Trin. Nothing wrong with just reading. Many do it. If the time feels right later she may decide she wants to chat. We are pretty friendly! :)

We ARE friendly!!!!!!!!!!

[hurthusband]

Thanks again for your words of support.

I think the path to her taking medication is a long and difficult one but something I am prepared to keep walking.

I just hope one day we can get back to the way life was before.

I know this is probably different for everyone but hows best to deal with her when she is going mad? I can handle the worry and the tears but having your loved one shout and scream and tell you she wants to divorce you because you dont understand is the most difficult thing in the world to manage. Any pointers would be most helpful.

Thanks

[ab123]

I struggle with anxiety Also, and I have lashed out at my husband in anger before. I'll tell you the reason behind it. The feelings in our body are so extreme and agonizing it is literally as physically exhausting as someone punching us in the chest all day long. She is dealing with health anxiet which makes it worse. She will avoid all sorts of things, be scared to move. And always feels truly like she could die any minute. I know that is all hard to understand. But think about running from a bear. And all that adrenaline you would feel and how your body would react. Well...her body is doing that with no bear. If you love her, which it's obvious you do. Be there for her. Listen to her and make it obvious that is what you are doing. But also talk sense into her. It just takes time, if she ever needs anyone to talk to. .I also had a traumatic incident push me into her position. I am doing so much better and I know what she is going through. Its awful. But it's also awful for you too.

[hayleyjane112]

I suffer from health anxiety and always want my boyfriend around me I have gradually started to get better And forcing myself to try and get on, he does not understand how it makes you feel he really dosent get it which really frustrates me, makes me feel alone at times I would suggest she comes on to the forum it's helped me so much, I also seen a therapist and she was great, I did take medication too but I stopped take it as I wanted to get better on my own!
I hope she status to feel better it's the worst feeling in the world and a constant battle with your mind it can drive you crazy! Just give her all the love and support you can and it will get take in time