Conure
02-19-2014, 03:58 AM
Hello all,
I am not really sure where to start and I don't want to seem like I'm self pitying but I've gotten to a stage where my head problems are having a serious impact on my life.
When I was younger I some quite bad things happen in my childhood. I was abused by a neighbour, and at the same time my extremely violent dad used to attack my mother. Almost all of my childhood memories involve bloody scenes of my injured mother and drunk father, or of abuse.
I remember developing quite bad OCD when I was around 9 which had quite a negative impact on my life, I couldn't sleep because I would check things (taps, that the animals had enough food/water, that lights were off) over and over again. After a few years my father died (alcoholism) but one of the last things he said to me was his divorce was my fault (I'm aware that this is nonsense, but the fact I still remember it so vividly probably means it was fairly important to me). There were also periods of quite significant self harming as a teenager, and the enduring thought "if my head gets any worse I can always just kill myself" - I don't think this was ever a serious thought, more of a comfort blanket.
That's a brief backdrop to my life, and I presumed with time the OCD/anxiety would lessen as I got older. I'm now 27 and it now manifests itself in new ways. One day I will be fine, then something absolutely minor will happen to me (e.g in this scenario, I got slightly overdrawn) and I had a full on mental breakdown, including tears, the punching of a wall resulting on bloodied knuckles. This is not a one off, it happens frequently. Never toward other people, but I just feel absolutely out of control. Recently at work I had to lie about a family emergency to leave. In reality, I'd had a feeling of anxiety and dread that affected me so much I had to leave and be alone.
I once tried CBT but found that it didn't work because I am quite cynical of psychology as an effective treatment for mental disorders. Another problem is my cynicism is getting so bad that I generally think the worst of everyone and everything around me.
I am wondering, are these symptoms fairly common? I've booked to see a doctor but I expect he'll just try to put me on pills of some sort to alleviate rather than cure the problem.
Any advice or information would be appreciated.
Thanks
I am not really sure where to start and I don't want to seem like I'm self pitying but I've gotten to a stage where my head problems are having a serious impact on my life.
When I was younger I some quite bad things happen in my childhood. I was abused by a neighbour, and at the same time my extremely violent dad used to attack my mother. Almost all of my childhood memories involve bloody scenes of my injured mother and drunk father, or of abuse.
I remember developing quite bad OCD when I was around 9 which had quite a negative impact on my life, I couldn't sleep because I would check things (taps, that the animals had enough food/water, that lights were off) over and over again. After a few years my father died (alcoholism) but one of the last things he said to me was his divorce was my fault (I'm aware that this is nonsense, but the fact I still remember it so vividly probably means it was fairly important to me). There were also periods of quite significant self harming as a teenager, and the enduring thought "if my head gets any worse I can always just kill myself" - I don't think this was ever a serious thought, more of a comfort blanket.
That's a brief backdrop to my life, and I presumed with time the OCD/anxiety would lessen as I got older. I'm now 27 and it now manifests itself in new ways. One day I will be fine, then something absolutely minor will happen to me (e.g in this scenario, I got slightly overdrawn) and I had a full on mental breakdown, including tears, the punching of a wall resulting on bloodied knuckles. This is not a one off, it happens frequently. Never toward other people, but I just feel absolutely out of control. Recently at work I had to lie about a family emergency to leave. In reality, I'd had a feeling of anxiety and dread that affected me so much I had to leave and be alone.
I once tried CBT but found that it didn't work because I am quite cynical of psychology as an effective treatment for mental disorders. Another problem is my cynicism is getting so bad that I generally think the worst of everyone and everything around me.
I am wondering, are these symptoms fairly common? I've booked to see a doctor but I expect he'll just try to put me on pills of some sort to alleviate rather than cure the problem.
Any advice or information would be appreciated.
Thanks