HK45
02-18-2014, 11:46 PM
I hope this is the right place to post this and sorry for the long post but I want to put it all on the table, so here I go:
I started developing panic attacks about 5 years ago and I do believe it was caused from habitual marijuana use. They were not very common, maybe one every couple of months, but nothing else. No other symptoms of anxiety. Once I learned what they were, I was able to overcome them. I have never been a great sleeper, but that never slowed me down. I was able to function fine throughout the day. I have always been a real go-getter, worked hard for what I have and loved to do just about anything and everyone. Now everything is upside down.
This all started about 8 months ago when driving home from a vacation. Me and my two daughters visited my folks in Texas during the summer of 2013. We drove there from California, stayed 9 days and drove back. Driving back I decided to drive through the 1200 miles in one day. On the 1140th mile and 22 hours I had a complete mental and physical breakdown. I found a hotel and stayed the night, but the next day was like a completely different me. The world was constantly spinning, I could not focus my eyes onto anything. My brain couldn't focus, the world was 1000 times brighter to my eyes. Felt like I couldn't breathe. I was having panic attacks that lasted for 1-2 hours about 5-6 times a day. My arms felt like they were on fire. No appetite and very exhausted. Sleep was non existent. This went on for 3 days before I admitted myself to the emergency room with a heart rate of 143 bpm just sitting still. They told me it was anxiety and sent me home 4 hours later. This went on for 2 months before I started seeing a psychiatrist and things have mellowed out.........some.
The past few months I have been on Temazapam for sleep(didn't work-just made me more anxious), Clonazepam(same results as Temazepam), Lorazepam(actually does calm me down a little), an anti-depressant that I can't remember(had to stop because it caused panic attacks that went through the roof), and Mirtazapine. I had to stop all the drugs do to abnormal liver tests, even after stopping the drugs for about 2 months.
So this is where I am at now. I haven't had a panic attack for a few months, but I am still not normal. Me "sleeping" is pretty much me closing my eyes and instantly seeing images in my head. I dream crazy vivid dreams that don't allow me sleep much. This makes me extremely tired throughout the day. I always have this dizzy feeling. My thoughts are constantly wondering throughout the day. I constantly squint and tense my jaw, face, ear, neck, and chest muscles which cause them all to hurt(especially my eyes). My eyes are always jolting around which makes reading something very challenging. I am always aware of my breathing which is really driving me insane. My brain can't focus and I wonder off into a day dream. My memory is good for about 5 seconds. I have an extremely short fuse now and get pissed off at just about everything I see out in the world. Lack of motivation and will to do just about anything due to the fact I am always dizzy and forgetful. On a plus note, I do have good days where I feel normal again for a couple hours, but those days are very few.
Is this really anxiety causing everything to snowball and cause other problems in my life? I mean this really all happened over night!! I have no one to talk to, but a psychiatrist about this stuff and all it seems like he wants to do is prescribe me drugs. Is this just all in my head?
I started developing panic attacks about 5 years ago and I do believe it was caused from habitual marijuana use. They were not very common, maybe one every couple of months, but nothing else. No other symptoms of anxiety. Once I learned what they were, I was able to overcome them. I have never been a great sleeper, but that never slowed me down. I was able to function fine throughout the day. I have always been a real go-getter, worked hard for what I have and loved to do just about anything and everyone. Now everything is upside down.
This all started about 8 months ago when driving home from a vacation. Me and my two daughters visited my folks in Texas during the summer of 2013. We drove there from California, stayed 9 days and drove back. Driving back I decided to drive through the 1200 miles in one day. On the 1140th mile and 22 hours I had a complete mental and physical breakdown. I found a hotel and stayed the night, but the next day was like a completely different me. The world was constantly spinning, I could not focus my eyes onto anything. My brain couldn't focus, the world was 1000 times brighter to my eyes. Felt like I couldn't breathe. I was having panic attacks that lasted for 1-2 hours about 5-6 times a day. My arms felt like they were on fire. No appetite and very exhausted. Sleep was non existent. This went on for 3 days before I admitted myself to the emergency room with a heart rate of 143 bpm just sitting still. They told me it was anxiety and sent me home 4 hours later. This went on for 2 months before I started seeing a psychiatrist and things have mellowed out.........some.
The past few months I have been on Temazapam for sleep(didn't work-just made me more anxious), Clonazepam(same results as Temazepam), Lorazepam(actually does calm me down a little), an anti-depressant that I can't remember(had to stop because it caused panic attacks that went through the roof), and Mirtazapine. I had to stop all the drugs do to abnormal liver tests, even after stopping the drugs for about 2 months.
So this is where I am at now. I haven't had a panic attack for a few months, but I am still not normal. Me "sleeping" is pretty much me closing my eyes and instantly seeing images in my head. I dream crazy vivid dreams that don't allow me sleep much. This makes me extremely tired throughout the day. I always have this dizzy feeling. My thoughts are constantly wondering throughout the day. I constantly squint and tense my jaw, face, ear, neck, and chest muscles which cause them all to hurt(especially my eyes). My eyes are always jolting around which makes reading something very challenging. I am always aware of my breathing which is really driving me insane. My brain can't focus and I wonder off into a day dream. My memory is good for about 5 seconds. I have an extremely short fuse now and get pissed off at just about everything I see out in the world. Lack of motivation and will to do just about anything due to the fact I am always dizzy and forgetful. On a plus note, I do have good days where I feel normal again for a couple hours, but those days are very few.
Is this really anxiety causing everything to snowball and cause other problems in my life? I mean this really all happened over night!! I have no one to talk to, but a psychiatrist about this stuff and all it seems like he wants to do is prescribe me drugs. Is this just all in my head?