Ooooookaaayyyyyy

[AmberGbenga]

It's been awhile since I've posted... With all the drama and crap going on I just needed to get my head straight before I came here... It would result in a million threads of poor me, I hate my life.. Which isn't good for anyone here!!!!!! So I've cooled down, sorted some main issues and brang my happy ass back...

SO! Amber what's been happening?
Yep, I need to vent a little.

Mike and I are together, WEEEE! Shit is sorted. I am over the moon and ready to fight with every ounce I have to make things work.
Although, I stress. I stress about getting on an airplane... ALOT. I stress about moving to an unfamiliar place with only mike to lean on.. ALOT. I stress of being married.. Only because it's new too me. I stress about being away from my families, my routine, my family and friends, my home... ALOT. But... I want him.. And I'm trying so hard to work on myself.. The sooner I am better, not cured, but better, the sooner shit will fall into place with not toooo much effort I'm hoping.

Work... Is STRESSING ME TO THE MAX!! I DREAD going to work.. My boss literally does my head in.. Complaint shit isn't done properly, which I left 1 fucking crumb in a cabinet.. And she finds little shit to complain about.. Cuts my hours in half, to then give me a shift where I need to train someone up.. Dosent make sense?
I searched for work, I basically got offered a position and I couldn't have ran away faster.. Why? BECAUSE IM SCARED! New job, new people, new everything.. It just Dosent seem right to start a new job when i know in moving away.. But at the same time I really cannot stand my job right now. I considered studying, but I'd have next to no income.. Which I def need since I'm moving!!!

Really.. I could rable on all day and night about my problems.. But.. It Dosent fix them. I either need to accept or change.

[Ashlee13x]

Yayyyy we are glad you are back!!! Sometimes we all need a break from time to time so it was good that you got some shit sorted out!!

I'm really glad you and Mike are okay.. it's gonna be hard because you're moving from the things you know!! But seeit as an adventure! Where are you moving to? I hate planes too.. maybe get some beta blockers before you go??

As for work, my pervious job, I hated! My boss was sooo horrible and I hated every second of it! But you are right... there isn't much point in changing jobs of you are moving! When are you moving?? Just make a list of all the silly things she picks up on and then complain to someone higher than her!!

[AmberGbenga]

I'm moving to Hawaii to be with mike.. I can't take beta blockers... They make me more anxious!!! Same with chamomile tea, Valium etc.. Makes shit a lot worse!! Which makes things so damn difficult for me! Haha I find lavender helpful, aswell as excersize and eating well.. I'm sure my low dose of lexapro has something to do with it too but really.. In pushing this heaving rock by myself.. I mean I have mike and I go to therapy... Buuutttt therapy isn't based on my anxiety, it's for my PTSD.. :(

[Ashlee13x]

Woww!!!! Hawaii!!! That will be amazing!! It will take some getting used to but have a positive attitude about it, because if you go with a negative attitude then chances are you aren't going to enjoy it!! It's a shame that stuff doesn't work for you! I have lavender incence and they help me! Is there no way you could integrate the 2 different types of therapies together?

[Enduronman]

Bimbygbamber!!!!!! YAY!!!!! :)
Glad that you have things worked out and are doing better, say hello to Mike for us too!!

E-Man...:)

[Dahila]

Very happy it all is solved. Amber getting married, getting new job, changing the country; have been there and it is very difficult but exiting at the same time. I am sure you will be happy there. :)

[AmberGbenga]

The thought is soooo super scary.. I literally exploded when I ended it with mike... I had a lot of shit happening right infront of me plus work and other stress then is been stuing on moving and marriage and ahh I exploded and ran away... Hurting the person I love so dearly.. It's a hard lesson to learn, and I have a long way to get fully back on my feet after my 'breakdown' but I'm well on my way.. Mike and I are great, I'm working on my anxiety and depression and life.. Is just amazing regardless if what is being thrown at me.. The sun still rises the next day.. I have a chance to make life my bitch.. I'm taking the challenge