Desperate for some advice! Please help!

[garyg199]

Hi, I am new here. Have never really done this sort of thing as well.

I am a 22 year-old guy...and all of this is super hard to face, being a man. Also I guess I should point out that I am very super sensative.

I know I have an anxiety disorder, I just do not know exactly what it is. Either way, I need some advice, maybe even some hope.
Lately life is just handing me pretty crappy cards, and I am trying so hard, and being so patient for things to get better!

Basically, in the passed year or 18 months I have gone through a turn of unfortunate events.

I learned that my parents were divorcing after 20 years of marriage. Also, I found out that my mother (whom I was always very close to) was a severe drug addict, therefor causing the divorce.
Six months later, around the time hurricane sandy came over NJ (where I reside) my manipulative and emotionally abusive father sucks me back into living with him,partially effecting my decision to end my long term relationship. Some time after..shortly before christmas..my mother leaves and disappears, cutting off contact with my 14 year-old sister and I. I lose my job..
2013 rolls around and I finally get a job (thankful and positive). I have been living with my dad for 3 months, and we are already constantly at each others' throats. Then, I find out my mother is in jail. She has been gone at this point for 8 or 9 months, with no contact. Fortunately, we get in touch when I...not her, decide to find her and confront her about what she has done. We talk here and there, but I know she's not herself anymore.

Fast forward to last fall of 2013...still living with my dad, and it is hell. I am working hard, trying to get back into school and get out of there as soon as possible. He starts bringing women around the house, and it's really weird. More for my 14 year old sister who is still going through all the strife from my mom. Finally, he meets someone (his friends ex wife of 7 years) and moves her into our home within 2 weeks. Nothing was said. We came home one day and all of her things we're in my house (in place of my mother's). She's there for good, and things get even more heated between my dad and I.

Now..after another Christmas, this one with a strange woman and her family around, I finally got sick of everything and left for good to live with my girlfriend that I was with some time ago. We patched things up and things are great. However...I am still having a very hard time. I'm sorry that was so long, but all of that has had an effect on me and still is now. I am very happy, and very thankful that I was able to get out of that toxic situation, and I do see the positive in what I do have. I am just having such a rough time with myself (anxiety wise).

I am having some financial trouble, which seems to stress me out the most out of everything. I was raised around constant fighting about money, and my dad always SO paranoid and nervous about bills etc. I know that I have some sort of insecurity or something when it comes to that aspect of life.

With all that being said (and sorry if I am all over the place)..I am having these panic attacks since the weekend that seem more severe then what im used to. It's scary, and I just want to know that it gets better. I'm looking for someone to give me hope, faith..something! I feel like I am suffering from all of these bad feelings, and stress, and problems because of something I did in life. The thing is I've never done anything to anyone or anything. Never been in trouble, I always try to make people happy, and just be an all-around good person. Yes I have made some poor choices, and I'm not just going to lay it all on self-pity. I really just wanna know that it gets better, and maybe even when?!

Thank you to all that can help. I appreciate and am grateful for every little tidbit of positivity that comes my way!:)

[Fourteen14]

Hi, I am new here. Have never really done this sort of thing as well. I am a 22 year-old guy...and all of this is super hard to face, being a man. Also I guess I should point out that I am very super sensative. I know I have an anxiety disorder, I just do not know exactly what it is. Either way, I need some advice, maybe even some hope. Lately life is just handing me pretty crappy cards, and I am trying so hard, and being so patient for things to get better! Basically, in the passed year or 18 months I have gone through a turn of unfortunate events. I learned that my parents were divorcing after 20 years of marriage. Also, I found out that my mother (whom I was always very close to) was a severe drug addict, therefor causing the divorce. Six months later, around the time hurricane sandy came over NJ (where I reside) my manipulative and emotionally abusive father sucks me back into living with him,partially effecting my decision to end my long term relationship. Some time after..shortly before christmas..my mother leaves and disappears, cutting off contact with my 14 year-old sister and I. I lose my job.. 2013 rolls around and I finally get a job (thankful and positive). I have been living with my dad for 3 months, and we are already constantly at each others' throats. Then, I find out my mother is in jail. She has been gone at this point for 8 or 9 months, with no contact. Fortunately, we get in touch when I...not her, decide to find her and confront her about what she has done. We talk here and there, but I know she's not herself anymore. Fast forward to last fall of 2013...still living with my dad, and it is hell. I am working hard, trying to get back into school and get out of there as soon as possible. He starts bringing women around the house, and it's really weird. More for my 14 year old sister who is still going through all the strife from my mom. Finally, he meets someone (his friends ex wife of 7 years) and moves her into our home within 2 weeks. Nothing was said. We came home one day and all of her things we're in my house (in place of my mother's). She's there for good, and things get even more heated between my dad and I. Now..after another Christmas, this one with a strange woman and her family around, I finally got sick of everything and left for good to live with my girlfriend that I was with some time ago. We patched things up and things are great. However...I am still having a very hard time. I'm sorry that was so long, but all of that has had an effect on me and still is now. I am very happy, and very thankful that I was able to get out of that toxic situation, and I do see the positive in what I do have. I am just having such a rough time with myself (anxiety wise). I am having some financial trouble, which seems to stress me out the most out of everything. I was raised around constant fighting about money, and my dad always SO paranoid and nervous about bills etc. I know that I have some sort of insecurity or something when it comes to that aspect of life. With all that being said (and sorry if I am all over the place)..I am having these panic attacks since the weekend that seem more severe then what im used to. It's scary, and I just want to know that it gets better. I'm looking for someone to give me hope, faith..something! I feel like I am suffering from all of these bad feelings, and stress, and problems because of something I did in life. The thing is I've never done anything to anyone or anything. Never been in trouble, I always try to make people happy, and just be an all-around good person. Yes I have made some poor choices, and I'm not just going to lay it all on self-pity. I really just wanna know that it gets better, and maybe even when?! Thank you to all that can help. I appreciate and am grateful for every little tidbit of positivity that comes my way!:)

Hi Gary Firstly it DOES get better!

From reading your thread you have so much going on right now in your life, major changes with family dynamics and living arrangements are bound to throw you off balance, never mind hurricane sandy and money worries......anyone would struggle with so much on their plate all at once.

One thing you must not do is blame yourself, anxiety/depression can create feelings of unwarranted guilt (this is pretty common) if you allow it to escalate this will do nothing but worsen your feelings of self worth.

Therapy may really benefit you (if you have access to it). If not, there are a lot of wonderful people on here, who may not have gone through exactly the same circumstances but will definitely relate to how you are feeling.

It WILL NOT always feel like this! I promise :)

[Dahila]

Gary welcome to the forum. Your life story could be easier if it was two people.

There is not doubt you are very strong person and actually you pay with panic attack and anxiety for that. You need some help a little, when you finish browsing the forum you will have a lot of information. I am in Canada and it is kind of similar with States you can get into psychiatrist without referral, maybe therapy. You need something:)

You are very young and there is many option for you, I am sure you are going to overcome it:) Good luck.
I am touched by your story, have actually tears in my eyes....

[Enduronman]

Wow...
Such wise words from a 22 year old, I must say.
I admire your "spirit", even though you say that it's broken...
Without getting into my own financial struggles, it's bad...but, it's only money and they can't take me for my lack thereof...
People with no money fret without it, people with money fret about it....
There is no differences....
Enjoy and appreciate what you now have, rather than what you don't have yet...it will come, it always does.

Best wishes bruh!

Enduronman...:)

[garyg199]

WOW!

I am so...ecstatic to come back to my post to see so many uplifting replies! I genuinely am.

First of all, thank you ALL, SO so much! SO much!

As for therapy..yes, I agree and I would love that. I have so many things to get off of my chest, and hear thoughts from someone who is outside of my "circle".
I only have very few family members (can count on one hand) that I can talk to, and honestly they cannot and more often then not..do not help. Everyone is so entangled in the drama of their own lives
that every discussion ends up being about them and theirs. Which is fine. I do not expect them to be able to help me in any way due to the fact that these are in fact MY issues, and they have their own.
However, that is what led me here, and I feel like it is definitely a great thing.

Unfortunately, I have no health insurance, and haven't since I was about 18..I cannot afford to see a therapist. Let alone even a general doctor to even get a check up.

Anyway, I really do appreciate all of this feedback, I can't stress that enough. The ones that I can talk to in my life, I feel as though I am burdening because it seems like every week there's a new issue. As a man, trying to be the "strong, man-of-the-house," type... it is VERY difficult to go to my wonderful girlfriend. I feel annoying, honestly. But basically not having parents anymore makes it pretty difficult not to go to the only one I have that is so close to my heart.

I feel trapped by my own self, I guess. I am told by everyone that I'm very hard on myself, and I believe them. I guess I can give my father credit for that one. Always trying to please your dad as the only son, and never succeeding in his eyes, embedded that in me.



Thanks again for all of your help! Hope to hear more! It really does help!

[Dahila]

Gary , you need to find a support group, something which is organized by government, mental health issues are covered by universal health plan, I think.
I found that people who are the closest to you, do not care, I mean family, as you said "everyone has his own life and own drama' or something like that. Do not mind my English skills , it is my second language.

I am sure some of Americans here :)) (copying Jesse) will give you some advice, there must be some cracks in the system and some help available.
I do not think your girlfriend loves you for being "strong, man-of-the-house" she loves you because you are you.... I am sure she understand what's going on in today economy and the work market not to mind supporting you for a while. Then you will support her, when you get hired.
Money is not problem, it is annoying but I always prefer money problem that health problem, when no money can help you. I am sure you will get a lot of replies to your thread :))

[Enduronman]

Yes, everyone else is sooo entangled in their own drama,..that is so true..it's also very hard to get any real useful and tangable "understanding" from family and I'm not 100% sure why that is..They'll support you, and listen, but you rarely get any real valuable advice, suggestions, but there's always a free opinion that may be kind of screwed up of course. But, we love em just the same anyway..You don't know how many times I've heard to "hang in there" in this past couple years. I do though!...LOL!

Some other thoughts:
1. In my State, there are free clinics for low to no income or no insurance to under-insured. There may be (probably is) the same where you are. Look into it. I met my family doctor at one of them...she's great!...I now have disability insurance so it's free to see her.
2. In my State, there is a clinic called Adult and Child. They offer free to low cost mental health care on a sliding scale. You just call, take in your pay stub, they figure out what they can do for you,,,and you can see a real therapist for as little as $10 per visit. Look into it...especially with no insurance.
3. Also at these places, medications can be very low costs, to free...I was getting my meds for free at one time...Look into it...Some $400 a month meds, were $3.

Gotta have some help, to let all this go. Past is past, and can not be changed. Leave it all in the past. Easy to say, tougher to do but with help,..it fades.

Just some other ideas for you brah.. I have a daughter that's your age too with 2 kids!...Hilarious...

E-Man...:)

[garyg199]

This is so awesome, i really wish i had come here sooner!

I need to look into getting help.more, for sure. My only fear is that i wont be able to find a good facility, group, therapist at a low cost here in NJ. I have been to i believe two in my area and they were terrible. Felt so uncomfortable and basically like a number to the staff.

I just need to tell someone my story y'know? To someone who doesnt know me, my past or anyone involved. And so far your replies are all definitely helping!

I need to overcome this anxiety with money. I am working by the way..so i do have an income. However i feel like im always working amd never have money because something always happens! Two flat tires within two weeks..bills that accumulate and set me back. You guys know the drill,im sure. I dont wanna be a millionaire..i just want to feel at peace! Thats all i want. I am young..and i feel like im wasting away in constant worry and missing out A LOT.

Thanks again for the support, guys. I really need it. Its tough to feel how ive been and wouldnt wish it upon anyone!