laurapeepee
02-17-2014, 04:41 PM
I hope I'm posting in the right forum for this but I feel that if I don't tell someone, I might explode.
The other day I was involved in an armed robbery. I was working a night alone and as I was preparing the shop for closing two men rushed in with hammers and demanded all the money. Obviously I complied. I wasn't going to say no and risk being hurt
I still don't think it's hit me properly. I'm fine and then all of a sudden I feel drained, almost catatonic, nauseous. I'm so scared when i'm out of the house. I don't want to eat. Don't sleep until I need to.
I returned to work two days later, thinking being back sooner would be better than later. I'm starting to regret that. I can't take everyone asking me if I'm OK. I'm normally very reserved with my feelings. I find it hard to share all my worries. I can see them whispering about me. I feel it would just be better to quit.
I worked on my own today. A day shift. Opening up alone and it was the most horrible experience. Every noise, every door opening, even a cough was enough to have me on edge.
I think I've blocked the experience out. I'm OK at home but today in work it kept rushing back. One of the worst things is that I have no idea who these men were. They would know me, but I have no idea if they just passed me in the street, if I've had conversations with them whilst at work. I don't know who they are and it's killing me.
I think the worst thing is I blame myself. I normally lock the front door, even though it isn't procedure, when I go onto the shop floor. The one time I didn't. The one time I got comfortable, this happened. It resulted in a loss for the company and I honestly think they think it's all my fault for being so stupid. For giving the money up so easily. I also feel to blame that I didn't remember anything about the attack. It was such a blur. I couldn't remember clothes or any interesting details to them. I had to be interviewed by the police over and over and I was such a let down. I feel like they're all disappointed in me, especially seeing as i'm a newer member of staff. My boyfriends getting fed up of me blaming myself. His patience is wearing thin. A relative wrote a letter to the company and I wish she didn't. I see her point. People should be one manning a betting shop whilst at night on a quiet, dark road. But all I can think is what if that makes this all worse? What if they think I'm weak.
I have to work a night on Saturday. One of our busiest days where we take the most money. My area manager said she'd sort it but my manager said I'd have to work them eventually. I didn't think this soon. I know she means well but I also think she does blame me. Think I'm dense and got myself into this.
I don't know how I can cope working a Saturday night. I won't be able to leave the office, even to lock the front door. I'm suspicious of everyone. Even with a plan of action of my mum parking outside 15 minutes early I can't help but think. They've seen me as an easy target. They could come back. It's a long walk from the office to the front door. They could catch me then. No CCTV outside. Can't see outside. I have no idea if anyone's their.I can't do this. They're ruthless, these men. They've done over a few shops and no closer to being caught.
I'm sorry this isn't very coherent. My brains scrambled. I just needed to write it down and hope people would read over it without judging. I just don't know what to do.
The other day I was involved in an armed robbery. I was working a night alone and as I was preparing the shop for closing two men rushed in with hammers and demanded all the money. Obviously I complied. I wasn't going to say no and risk being hurt
I still don't think it's hit me properly. I'm fine and then all of a sudden I feel drained, almost catatonic, nauseous. I'm so scared when i'm out of the house. I don't want to eat. Don't sleep until I need to.
I returned to work two days later, thinking being back sooner would be better than later. I'm starting to regret that. I can't take everyone asking me if I'm OK. I'm normally very reserved with my feelings. I find it hard to share all my worries. I can see them whispering about me. I feel it would just be better to quit.
I worked on my own today. A day shift. Opening up alone and it was the most horrible experience. Every noise, every door opening, even a cough was enough to have me on edge.
I think I've blocked the experience out. I'm OK at home but today in work it kept rushing back. One of the worst things is that I have no idea who these men were. They would know me, but I have no idea if they just passed me in the street, if I've had conversations with them whilst at work. I don't know who they are and it's killing me.
I think the worst thing is I blame myself. I normally lock the front door, even though it isn't procedure, when I go onto the shop floor. The one time I didn't. The one time I got comfortable, this happened. It resulted in a loss for the company and I honestly think they think it's all my fault for being so stupid. For giving the money up so easily. I also feel to blame that I didn't remember anything about the attack. It was such a blur. I couldn't remember clothes or any interesting details to them. I had to be interviewed by the police over and over and I was such a let down. I feel like they're all disappointed in me, especially seeing as i'm a newer member of staff. My boyfriends getting fed up of me blaming myself. His patience is wearing thin. A relative wrote a letter to the company and I wish she didn't. I see her point. People should be one manning a betting shop whilst at night on a quiet, dark road. But all I can think is what if that makes this all worse? What if they think I'm weak.
I have to work a night on Saturday. One of our busiest days where we take the most money. My area manager said she'd sort it but my manager said I'd have to work them eventually. I didn't think this soon. I know she means well but I also think she does blame me. Think I'm dense and got myself into this.
I don't know how I can cope working a Saturday night. I won't be able to leave the office, even to lock the front door. I'm suspicious of everyone. Even with a plan of action of my mum parking outside 15 minutes early I can't help but think. They've seen me as an easy target. They could come back. It's a long walk from the office to the front door. They could catch me then. No CCTV outside. Can't see outside. I have no idea if anyone's their.I can't do this. They're ruthless, these men. They've done over a few shops and no closer to being caught.
I'm sorry this isn't very coherent. My brains scrambled. I just needed to write it down and hope people would read over it without judging. I just don't know what to do.