I want to feel normal again!

[Amy Smith]

Hi,
So, I had a horrible panic attack on Friday morning. Long story, but I basically brought it on myself and I had a lack of sleep, which makes them a lot more worse than usual. I calmed myself down, and took one of my pills and I was OK. I was doing well for awhile, but these past few weeks have just been hell for me. We just recently moved into our brand new house we just built and I HATE being alone all the time at home with my 3 year old son. I'm always afraid something bad is going to happen to me while I'm alone with him, even though nothing ever has, other then having panic attacks but I've got myself out of them in an hour or less every time. Anyone else scared to be alone? Think about it every minute of the day until someone is home with you? No matter how much I keep myself busy, I'm still thinking about it.

[Amy Smith]

I know what you mean. I feel comfortable around my parents, but I don't like being around anyone else because I'm afraid I will have one in front of them and I will be judged.

[Amy Smith]

Been there totally, only with an older child. Though I don't think about it every minute.. I've laid on my back downstairs on the floor while my daughter ate her lunch once and have had many rough goes of it.. taking ativan and laying in my bed with the door closed. For me getting some sleep makes a huge difference too, the biggest. I hate being alone, it's much worse for me when my daughter isn't home. I never have anyone come home, so maybe just try to look forward to that.. just knowing your mental break is coming.

Hope you sleep better going forward. Hope it helped

Yes, if my son is gone, it is soooooooo much worse!! But that is very rare, since he doesn't really go away, ever. And thank you, you are right, at least I have someone coming home. Thank you, that did help :)

[Amy Smith]

I think I'm finally stating to stress less about the idea of being judged but at the same time, I don't like to have to explain what's wrong. The concern of others is an annoyance in that moment. Weird huh! It's better though for a person to be caring than think less of you. I don't really believe that is what the average person thinks when they see someone in distress. Most people are caring at heart.
I just can't deal with the right polite etiquette in the throws of panic! Lol

I've basically consolidated myself to my house and nowhere else unless I had too, obviously I go to the store and do some things, but I won't leave my city because I know where the hospital is near me. Is that weird? It is, I'm sure to others lol. Most people are very caring, but true you really aren't thinking that when you are in the middle of an attack lol.

[Amy Smith]

Amy, I'm agoraphobic so if what you say is weird then we are weird together. Building a safety zone is all part of the disorder. I'm working harder than ever to extend my safety boundaries with small goals every week. It's the only way to overcome it. I hope you can keep pushing your safety zone out a little bit at a time. It's awful when you wake up and see you've shrunk your world into insignificance. I'm tired of missing out on what's out there. 25 years wasted and I don't want it to be 26!
Shit, it's really hard though!

I haven't tried to push it at all, I'm afraid too. It is like a safety net for me. I have missed family events and all the birthday parties, even holidays cause I don't want to drive 25 minutes to my families house. We will overcome it! It's been a year almost for me and I'm sick of it

[Amy Smith]

If I could suggest anything with the best of intentions Amy, I would say it only gets worse when you don't extend it. Set even very small goals. If you can walk up one street but not the next one set a goal of 30 steps up the next one and repeat till you feel nothing about it. Then it's 60 steps etc.

It gets your mind saying.....I'm going to beat back this shit!....

It will take some time Amy but none of the small tasks you set yourself are undo able so you set yourself up for success. It's only you that can fix it though.

Think about a challenge for yourself starting today, something achievable but just taking you a small bit out of the safety zone you've created.

Maybe it can be driving some of the way to your families house.

Thanks, Frankie. I'm trying my best. When I drive, I HAVE to be in control, I can't be in the car when someone else is driving, because I let my mind wander too much when I'm not driving and I have panic attacks. My therapist has tried so many times for me to get out of my comfort zone, I Just haven't done it yet. I will try today, even if it's just walking or letting someone else drive to the corner store.

[Amy Smith]

Ah I'm exactly the same with driving. I can't be a passenger in a car or any mode of transport.

Your idea of being a passenger to the corner store or walking sounds perfect. Small, achievable, yet challenging with huge success potential. That's the perfect key. You will make yourself proud. Start a thread for yourself and update us on how you get going on these if you would like. Don't rush yourself ok. Be kind to yourself too Amy. We don't want to scare you or I back indoors again.

That's a great idea! Thanks :) Trust me, I won't rush :) I don't even know if I can do it today, since we have a snow storm coming :/ lol

[Amy Smith]

Well stay safe! And warm brrrrrr. :) if you can't get out today, you can be proactive still Amy. Use today to write out a list of small goals for yourself for over the next month. It will help you to stay on track.

My daughter printed off a .....don't break the chain...... Page. It's on my fridge and everyday I have to cross off the day as I complete my task. It's helpful to me as I'm quite a reward oriented person. Even a tick or crossing off something on a list will get me going lol

We just need to make sure the recovery light is switched on in some small way.....everyday.

Hope I'm not being too bossy! Anyways....good luck Amy.


Sitting in front of the fireplace right now, staying warm :D I'm so over Winter and ready for Spring to get here with some sunshine!

That is a great idea, maybe I should find a checklist and see how much I actually accomplish.

You aren't being bossy at all :D You're being very helpful! Thank you!

[vanessa2010]

I had a panic attack during school in class and from their my anxiety has only gotten worse .. and its all i think about

[Amy Smith]

I had a panic attack during school in class and from their my anxiety has only gotten worse .. and its all i think about

Sorry, Vanessa. Mine happened in a car, and all I think about is me having one every time I get into a car. I know how it feels.