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[Brews]

Hey everyone, glad to be here…I guess I got a lot to say so bear with me (I'll try to make this pretty readable)--really been needing an outlet so here we go:

I am 24 years old, an indie filmmaker/screenwriter, and have been struggling with anxiety since I guess about puberty (it runs in my father's side of the family). Symptoms include but are not limited to: general anxiety, panic attacks, some social anxiety, and just general malaise. New situations scare me but it's not the cause of my anxiety, it will occur without rhyme or reason quite a bit. I was medicated in college but I didn't like it (made me gain weight, broke out in psoriases, felt very zombie-like) so I came off it and now I eat healthy, quit smoking, and avoid stimulants. But of course my anxiety is coming back now too, and sometimes it can get to be quite crippling, and I've had enough. My life is going pretty good too, I have a family supporting of my career and a great girlfriend of three years--although I'm just not as successful as I want to be in life right now--I'm young right? So I think it's more of a biological thing.

Anyways, when it flares up it can get so bad that life starts seeming surreal, if that makes any sense, I hope someone can relate to that. It gets to the point where my own consciousness scares me--my palms and feet sweat, i jitter, heart races, I start over-thining things to the point where my thoughts jolt around in frightening ways . These tend to happen when I'm driving and after I have ate at a restaurant, so maybe the feeling of being trapped in an inescapable situation can get to me. This is definitely the WORST of all the symptoms--I feel like I'm losing my mind. Scary, scary, scary.

General anxiety too, some days I will just feel 'off', and just restless and I have trouble sleeping and eating and I just feel tense all day to the point of exhaustion, day's like these I don't want to ever even leave the house.

Little bit of social anxiety too, but it comes with the new situations and how I over think everything I suppose, I get self conscious pretty easily.

I try to eat healthy and just generally keep an eye on what goes into my body and how it affects me. I don't do any kind of stimulants--not even caffeine, like two sips of coffee will keep me up all night :P. I do like my alcohol though, it helps me in social situations especially, but obviously I can't walk around drunk all the time--my body just can barely take a night out at the bars with my friends!

But I guess the whole reason I joined the forums is to have people to talk to, people that would understand. I love my friends and my family and my girlfriend--but sometimes I feel like no-one 'gets' it, ya know? As good as their intensions are, I feel like it's not a problem for them so they just don't understand really. I always get comments like: 'Well everyone gets anxiety! You just gotta deal with it!',- 'If you have anxiety, just don't have anxiety!,'- 'You are just using your anxiety as an excuse because you don't want to do something!'- 'You have anxiety because of _____! Just don't do ____!'….the lack of understanding doesn't really help.

Anyways, I know that was dense in (hopefully familiar) information. I'm looking forward to checking out the forum and discussing this problem will all of you, and be pointed in right directions.

[cls1033]

welcome to the forum

[greeneyes2010]

I wanna know how to deal with my current issue. My bf and me have been together for 2 yrs and its a long distance relationship. He has lots of ex gfs whom i know txt him and fb him. Im not too cool on that and at times ive even gone thru his cell while he was sleeping n found txts from certain ex gfs that indicate hes being way to flirty with them. Almost like hes playing me for a fool. I ask him bout it and it starts a war. I love him and dont wanna lose him n he says i have nothing to worry bout and that hes only with me and no one else and that he doesnt want another woman. He has one ex gf that lives 1000 ft from his house and his daughter and her daughter are best friends. He recently addded her on fb and i found out n lost my mind and it started another war. How can i trust his word and feel safe that hes not anything but fb friends with her and that he has got no interest in her. Its ruining my happiness with him plus the long distance thing is extremely hard on both of us.

[Enduronman]

Welcome brews!!! Your story loooookkkssss very familiar friend. You're at the right place, I assure you...

Hey green,...why don't you trust him? Had he ever given you reason not too?...jus curious....

E-Man...:)

[Brews]

Wow! Quick responses! Thanks everyone!

-Anyways, I forgot to say, but I've been experimenting with more natural methods and herbs and organic stuff like that recently, to see if anyone really is compatible with my body. Herbal tea with Siberian Ginseng seems to help a bit but it's not a cure really. Was wondering if there has been any successful organic meds that work for you guys.

[greeneyes2010]

He told me in the beginning when i met him he did not want a relationship. We were fwb for 9 months but during that time i stayed true to him only but found out by going thru his phone when i was with him that he had sex with two of his exes. The one up the road from him included. He and i got into a fight and he told me he wasnt thinking bout how i felt for him n that he did wrong n that he was only gonna have sex with me from then on in. And he was true to his word. But i still found txts from the same two exes every now and then saying stuff that indicates he was a major flirt with them n more but no sex. To my knowledge anyway. And again he would be mad at me for finding that on his phone n threatened to be done with me but i always came to the begging point n he took me back every time n told me he did love me and that i was still the only one he was screwing.

[Enduronman]

I tried maaannnyyyy of them early on..Ginseng, Kava, Valerian, Passion Flower, Lemon Balm (with no success) and Green Tea (with little success)...I have to take meds now. I also did the all supplements thing too...vitamins, aminos, vegan,..yadda yadda but the only thing that helps me is medications.

That's not to say that naturals won't work for you, we're allllllll chemically different in every possible way.

And don't tell me that this all just started as you were nearing your mid 30's, or, you need to get a hormone screen panel done...there's your answer.

I take steroids every day too....

Chris...:)

[greeneyes2010]

So we finally became bf n gf in oct of same yr we met. It was rocky n hard but we had lots of good times n lots of bad times. Ive also had numerous exes cheat on me on the past and i think thats haunting my happiness with my man now. I just get soooo damn scared he will go to one of his exes n betray me. He swears hes not interested in them and to my knowledge has not txted or fb messaged them in months. He also recently blocked me from his facebook cause of all the past drama on it that i started cause of him being friends with his exes.

[JoeCool]

Welcome Brews! You'll find a whole lot of nice people here that are going through the same situation as you. You are not alone! Chamomile tea seems to have a calming effect for me. I just recently started a multivitamin as well and have been reading up on magnesium intake to help calm the nervous system. I've also been on meds in the past and weened myself due the side effects. Was and am still able to cope to some extent but it's tough. I definitely can relate to the jolts of panic/anxiety that you note...it's a vicious cycle.

[Enduronman]

He told me in the beginning when i met him he did not want a relationship. We were fwb for 9 months but during that time i stayed true to him only but found out by going thru his phone when i was with him that he had sex with two of his exes. The one up the road from him included. He and i got into a fight and he told me he wasnt thinking bout how i felt for him n that he did wrong n that he was only gonna have sex with me from then on in. And he was true to his word. But i still found txts from the same two exes every now and then saying stuff that indicates he was a major flirt with them n more but no sex. To my knowledge anyway. And again he would be mad at me for finding that on his phone n threatened to be done with me but i always came to the begging point n he took me back every time n told me he did love me and that i was still the only one he was screwing.

OK...um, yes...this relationship isn't the healthiest then dear. It will be so hard to ever trust this man again, as I hate actually saying that but people have made it through counceling and such together before after many, many months if not years...Once a major flirt, (and sex with others) then it may be in your best interest to cut these ties..IMHO...ESPECIALLY if he gets mad at you all the time for bringing it up and asking about it. He's probably still doing it.

Don't get all upset now, that's why you came here..for another perspective view.
I used to flirt myself, (no sex) and try to hide it from my gf, and get reallllllyyyy pissed when she asks about it too..because I was....not now.
I realized that I reallllllyyy cared about her and not all those other women..I'm still trying to earn her trust back and its been over 3 years now....

Just some thoughts..

E-Man...

[Enduronman]

So we finally became bf n gf in oct of same yr we met. It was rocky n hard but we had lots of good times n lots of bad times. Ive also had numerous exes cheat on me on the past and i think thats haunting my happiness with my man now. I just get soooo damn scared he will go to one of his exes n betray me. He swears hes not interested in them and to my knowledge has not txted or fb messaged them in months. He also recently blocked me from his facebook cause of all the past drama on it that i started cause of him being friends with his exes.

HE blocked YOU???......omg.... Hey Greeneyes!!! Um,..it may not be the best of relationships dear. And, after everything I've read about him here already, there's enough info here to convict him of being an idiot! Yes, the others that have cheated on you are haunting your relationship with this other "thing" too. I would've said man but that seems abit kind at the moment. Just being honest.

E-Man...

[greeneyes2010]

Well how come i dont want to lose him n feel the need to stay with him. My life would be devastating if he was not in my life. His friends all tell me that im the only one he talks about and the only woman he wants. And that he loves me to death but cant handle my insecurities. They tell me i need to trust him cause he knows he screwed up in the past but wants me to be with him and be happy with him. I wanna trust him and be with him n i do love him. But im so scared he will repeat history i get panic attacks and lash out at my 3 yr old son and my friends n family.

[Enduronman]

Dear,..he continues to repeat things that aren't even history yet.
You've either gotta let this go, or trust him entirely..but, trusting him fully with a pasts like that is virtually impossible.
It's like he kept smacking you over and over again,..you still flinch.
Yes, it is an insecurity, that HE put there....it is HE that has to prove different and YOU have to remove the memories or it goes nowhere from this point.
Honestly, I would remove him from your life..and maybe, the panic attacks will cease and you can move on. He IS that anxiety that you carry like an infection....

No reason to lash out at friend or family either, it isnt their fault and its his fault for being such a pc o s**t....and your fault for continuing to fall for "it"...
He is the mental disorder, he is the disease, he is the infection,..like a wound that will never heal...and with all this being said, he never loved you even if he said he did.

That's not love dear and never was....I don't even know what to label that.

E-Man....

[greeneyes2010]

Oh and another thing. He hates that i accuse him of having sex with these other women cause he simply isnt and has no interest in them whatsoever. He keeps asking me if i cant trust him then why am i staying with him. But he knows damn well why im being the sucker and staying. Cause i love him and i cant bear to see him exit my life. We live 350 kms away from each other and i only see him once a week sometimes twice a week cause he is a delivery driver in my hometown. We even went away down south together in sept. So i figure if he didnt want me he wouldnt be trying to convince me hes not seeing that other woman. So many ppl tell me that i have to trust him if i want him in my life or hes going to be gone. The more i accuse him of these things the more he will prob go n do it.

[Enduronman]

Oh gawd....

To simplify this post: Love and trust go together. Without trust, there is no love. This "feeling" that you have is something else....you must try to distinguish between the two friend... It can not, will not, ever, be, love without total 100% trusts in a relationship but it's an easy word to say because talk is cheap.

E-Man..